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I know it is different for everyone, but am I doing the right thing? I'm keeping her as comfortable as I can, with water. She won't go see anyone.

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My Mother was very thirsty so I dipped these sticks that had little sponges on the ends in ice cold water and gave it to her over and over.I put a cool cloth on her forehead and kept the fan on her so she could breathe better.I used very light blankets on her and held her.This is how I kept my dying Mom comfortable.
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Find A hospice, they are trained to offer support both for you and your loved one. I Found one through
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My Mother-in-law who never cared for me has been real sick lately. A few weeks ago we had to call and have the ER squad rush her to the ER she said she could not hardly breath. They kept her in the hospital for 3 days and even tho she would not eat they released her and said she had a touch of flu and just needed fluids. They made a follow up appointment for 2 weeks and when she went back they could not find anything wrong so they sent her back home with no follow up. A week later she was rushed back to the ER this time they kept her again this time they say she has stomach cancer. She is in stage 4. She still can't keep down any food. Mind you she is over 90 years old. What can I do as a daughter in law to make sure she is not suffering?
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My brother in law is suffering in his home with lymphoma cancer, with my mother in law, as his caregiver. His blood pressure is 66/36, he has gurgling in his lungs. Is this a near sign of death
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You need Hospice Care. I have them for my mother due to a recent illness even though she isn't terminal at this point. At 92, we have to consider that she could only live another six months even though her general health is good. They provide A LOT of help. I have a volunteer who comes for two hours on Monday. I have a CNA who comes on Tuesdays to give my mom a sponge bath. On Friday, the nurse and social worker come over. They provide many supplies, Depends, pads, etc. Plus they provide emotional support for me. They can help you navigate the paperwork for additional services such as respite. They have a Chaplain who can give you and your loved one spiritual support. The service is all paid through Medicare so please take advantage of it. It can be the transitional help you need as your loved one passes and a LIFE SAVER for you.
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Hospice is great, but it doesn't answer the question of what " I " can do. Don't misunderstand, I don't mean to downplay it because certainly... Hospice is one very important consideration that " You " can surely do.

From the more " I " though, you might try what I've found to be best for my Mom. That is, constantly uplifting her EMOTIONAL content. Surely as a Caregiver, health and safety are considered to be the primary focal points. And the largely are. But especially as the mind of the patient digresses ever more, their emotional frame of reference begins to become the entirety of their life. The principle example is an Alzheimer's victim. He or she is not cognizant enough to recognize the health and safety issues that are in place and provided by the Caregiver. BUT, in that their life wholly embraces and projects out of what their emotions bring forth - in my opinion, that is the principle aspect of care giving most of us without really realizing it... let drift. Especially when the health and safety issues become increasingly paramount considerations.


Good luck !

V
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I would offer to consult a hospice provider to come in and discuss the situation. Hospice is particularly skilled at helping keep people comfortable as they die and respecting their wishes and dignity at the same time. Hospice will also support you in your remarkable efforts to care for your loved one. Medicare and almost all medical insurances have hospice coverage so it might not even cost anything at all. Hospice can help with medications, durable medical equipment (hospital bed, pressure relieving mattresses, etc) and other items to manage her comfort and symptoms.
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