Kydeco Asked September 2012

I am a newbie to all of this. I'm just starting thing journey. But how can I keep my 81-year-old mother from driving at night?

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Her daytime driving is a little iffy, but down right dangerous at night. Last April the eye Dr. said to avoid all night time driving. Her response was "I never drive at night!" She has been going to choir, church, and a couple of other night time functions for years. Every time I try to talk to her about it she gets mad, yells, cries and then does something stupid like, go out after 10:00 and then calls me and say, "I just drove from 'town A' to home. I just thought you would want to know I didn't wreck the car!" Over the summer it wasn't so bad because her functions are over by about 8:00. But now that it's getting darker earlier it's crunch time. And I don't know how to help her understand she's not safe. She has no dementia (at least I don't think so) and is in good health for the most part. She has lied several times in the past about it (as well as other things) Any suggestions would be welcomed. I realize that this is not as pressing an issue as some have, but any advise would be helpful. Thank you.

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Kydeco Sep 2012
Thank you so much for the ideas. And especially the support! I have felt like the lone ranger out here! My brother comes into town this weekend. I'm hoping we make a little head way. I'll keep you posted. God's blessings!
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ladee1 Sep 2012
I can only share what I would do, I would set my mom down when she wasn't upset about this, some time when she is doing something else, and tell her, "I hate this for you, and I know you hate it to, but here are the pros and cons about you driving at night....." and then list them for her, you can even have them written down, and give them to her, and tell her just to read it and think about it.... the fact that she goes the emotional route when told NO, just says she knows what to do to get ya'll off the subject... well, her harming herself or innoncet people is not an option.... just because she doesn' WANT to.... it may come to contacting her primary physician and having him write a letter to the DMV and have her liscense revoked.... or ya'll taking the battery out of the car.... do what you have to do... I'd rather her be mad and full of drama as opposed to being hurt or having the memory of hurting someone else... it's not being mean, it's being loving to keep her off the roads..... let us know what happens...hugs to you...
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annetx Sep 2012
You are in a tough spot. The lying and refusing to listen to the doctor are not good signs. Can you ask the doctor to talk to her again? There are a lot of resources and even a movie on this topic but no one really has a good solution. This article is quite good:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27051758/ns/travel-travel_tips/t/when-its-time-grandma-stop-driving

Good luck!
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NancyH Sep 2012
Well the time change will help eventually, but in the meantime, can you ask one of her choir buddies if they can pick her up? What about telling her, if she DOES get in a wreck and it's after dark when her Optometrist said not to drive, that her car insurance might drop her. Which may or may not be true.
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