How do I keep going on?
I have been living and breathing hospitals non-stop for 2 1/2 years being with my mother during her recovery from heart surgery. She is now at my home since October 27th. I am worn out. I still work full-time and I am growning very resentful of my mother. She wakes me several times a night to go the bathroom and tonight she woke me twice as she is hallucinating. I feel like giving up. I am 61 years old soon and now have come down with a cold which I know in part is due to the fact that I never get 6 or so hours of nonstop sleep as she always wakes me 2-3 times every night. When I am not working I care for her during the evenings. I run errands. Get groceries. Pick up prescriptions. Take her to medical appointments. I am depressed and angry. I love her and have always been there for her. But when she was my age she was not caring for a sick parent. I was taking her on trips and doting on her. I don't have a life. I don't feel like socializing this season. I am tired and want to just run away. A nursing home is out of the question. I have no trust in the care at such facilities. I have a nurse come in daily while I am working. This is no life. Despite all of the things that one can do to "manage stress" and take a break, reality is the situation is always there. There is no escape. I am sick with a cold. She has been hallucinating tonight and I have no clue why. I feel like a dog in a kennel being poked out with a stick. This is all about her. She doesn't seem to care that now I am sick and have a full-time job. No, my life is supposed to be given over to her. I am not in a good place tonight. Who would be?