june69 Asked May 2011

My patients daughter has shut her mother off from her friends and won't let her talk to anyone. The mother is depressed and crying. Is this considered abuse?

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is it abuse when our mom has started showing Alzheimer's and the daughter has shut mom off from friends need help to report elderly abuse the patient stopped eaten stopped taken her meds and was in her rm for two days crying and praying to be able to call and see her friend me and was told she is not the boss the daughter is she calls me crying when her daughter leaves and begs me not to tell her daughter this brakes my heart so much she say she will tell on me for awaking her up one night the daughter and i was fighting but mom was awake and asked me why i was upset with her daughter i told her she wont be able to see me again after being with me from 730am to 9 pm everyday for almost two months now she hurts so much because she cant use the phone or have any friends around only friends her daughter picks out for her

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Why does the daughter not want her mom to have any contact with you? Was there an issue her daughter had with you regarding her mom?
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NancyH May 2011
You know, my first reaction when I read your post was to call the police and storm the place... BUT we all know that there are two sides to every story, and you are only getting the side of your friend who you've already said has Alz. My suggestion would be to visit the daughter and keep an open mind. Tell her that you know it must be hard being the caregiver of her mom, and you just want to help. Acknowledge that you're only getting one side of the story, and ask if she'll let you help her. Don't be confrontational or demanding when you talk to her, accusing her of anything until you know the absolute truth. I've heard of stranger things on this website, like an old person overreacting and going so far as to call the police because they think their kids are trying to kill them. So step back and take a breath and try to see it through logical eyes for a minute. It could be your friend is absolutely right, but I'd rather be sure then drive myself crazy.
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allshesgot May 2011
Need more info about your situation. Is she your biological mom or a friend? What is your relationship with this woman? Is she in a nursing home or daughters home? Also does the daughter have a legal poa or is otherwise the moms legal gaurdian?
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toadballet1 May 2011
This is sad mess. Bless you for looking out for this woman. It sounds like you are the paid caregiver, right?
If what you say is accurate, you should report it. I would suggest making a list of all the things you have observed along with times and dates. Leave personal issues such as the daughter's personality, etc. out of it. Just be very factual.
It is especially scary that she is not getting enough to eat and is not taking her meds.
In your town there should be an office of adult protective services. Call them immediately.
She is lucky to have you in her corner.
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