My brother and I need to have "the talk" with our 75 year old mother. Does anyone have a checklist of the important topics?

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Not sure who has it. Try AARP, ALZ assoc., Area Agency on aging.

Things I've had to find out just off the top:

Will? If not...
Durable power of attorney
Patient advocate
Advance directives

Locate Documents....hopefully they have a filing system
Deeds
Auto
Stock/bond
Bank accounts
Birth cert.
Insurance...Medical & other

Decisions "In case of"
housing..in home care..NH..Assisted living....(finances involved)
investigate medicaid requirements (limited funds)

misc. household/daily maintenance
grocery
cleaning
laundry
Dr visits...(driver)

Some things will take you by surprise no matter how well prepared you are. You are on the right track trying to be prepared though. Hope you can keep all under control.
Top Answer
The list above is a great start but dont' forget to ask her what she wants. So often we can see what's best and we charge blindsided toward that without stopping to ask their opinion. I know because I'm guilty of the same thing with my mom.... it takes more time, more negotiation and more effort but it's worth it to know that she's on board and that you're considering her happiness too. It also helps them feel like they have some control, they are more likely to go along with something and ensures that they trust you.

To begin the conversation, you might tell her that her safety is your primary concern. She might feel that's odd but remind her of the potential for falls and such. You can begin by working to make her home safer. I'll toot my own horn here and suggest you browse my blog - the link is in my agingcare.com profile under website. ( I can't provide it here the moderator will delete it.) I've tried to provide helpful details as we went through the same thing with my mom and moved her to assisted living then a nursing home. Look for the ideas for homesafety first.
Best of luck, your mom is lucky to have a couple of respectful kids to who care enough to have "the talk", many people just have relatives who want to suck their finances and neglect their elders.
Thanks Lynn, I actually do live with my mom so I can see if anything is amiss. She was always a multi-tasker and very organized independent person and my brother and I are very cognizant of not wanted to push her or insult her. We want her to be as involved as possible so that she knows she has back up if the time comes that she needs assistance with handling finances and other important issues.
Lynn offers such sound advise! There is a book I found helpful:

The Complete Eldercare Planner by Joy Loverde

I will add that I would break up the 'TALK' into several small sessions. If not your mother may be overwhelmed. If you are organized and know what you need to ask, you can gather the information "informally".

Of course if your mother wants to forge ahead, gather as much as she is willing to share. Just take it in phases.

It's great to see that you want to be prepared.

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