Husband's going to give me a heart attack.

Always thank them, good job!

It is very hard to let them help because it causes more work in the end with us but if we do not let them help they feel useless and get depresses. I get short tempered and want to do it myself but I am trying harder because he feels better when he had completed a small chore and I thank him it makes his day.

Hadnuff---
I WISH my hubby took even the slightest interest in the running of the house. I would LOVE for him to just have the initiative to help bring in the groceries or remember the wheel the huge garbage cans out each week. He simply is NOT domestically minded. And I have to remind this guy to PLEASE carry the heavy laundry hamper down the stairs at least 3 or 4 times and I usually wind up throwing the clothes over the banister anyway.
Calm down, at least he's TRYING!! My hubs is only 65, acts 90 and is driving me insane. Plus he hasn't even retired yet and I am terrified that when he does all he is going to do is sleep. That's all he does now when he isn't working. It's all he wants to do.
You're still kind of just dealing with the small stuff. He's trying, give him credit for that! He's probably scared of getting older and weaker--men age "differently" than women.
I LOVED (hated) my hubby's comment of a few weeks ago. "Well, when I retire, you retire too. Although, you've had a real life of leisure". (5 kids, tiny house, he traveled 75% of the time, family issues, everything was on my shoulders all the time as I was NOT allowed to call him with ANY home "concerns"--he had to work.) He doesn't consider ANYTHING that I have done the past 41 years as "work". (I don't get paid) And my many PT jobs don't count b/c I was making "peanuts".
Hug your hubby, wash off the chicken and let it go.

My dH is sweet, tries to be helpful.
Getting his help, waiting for his help, allowing his help, helping his unique way, is making me a nervous wreck. It may cause a heart attack!
But I would rather it be this way, together, than apart.

Hadnuff, give your hubby a really big hug.... even with his health issues, he is trying to help you around the house. That is so sweet. I know there will be messes to clean up, but give him an A+ for trying.

There are some of us who have a hubby or sig other who we wish would be as helpful, but are not :(

His condition is not progressing. The problem is him wanting to help and also to be independent. The laundry basket incident happened two weeks ago. The shaking of his paralyzed hand is normal and doesn't happen a whole lot. But, yes if there was someone that could be with him that would be nice.

I'd reconsider him being left alone. If his condition is progressing and he's getting hurt, I'd have to reconsider if he's safe alone.

I was out at the car geting the rest of the groseries. The time he banged his hand on the basement railing trying to get the laund hamper down the stairs I had gone out for an hour or two for myself. It's good that he doesn't need someone with him 24 hours a day but in some ways he would be safer if he did.

I know it's difficult to stay ahead of people who we know have challenges, but, I'd try to make sure that he is steered clear of handling breakables, sharp items and hot food. Even if he insists, I'd have to interfere with him doing certain things. It seems that you may have a difficult time doing that, since he's been the head of the house for so many years. I understand it must be frustrating for you both.

BarbBrooklyn, I give it 5 second if its a M&M :P

Barb, have you ever heard of the three second rule, lol!

I wasn't completely serious. He is just frustrating. Just being himself. Before the stroke. I would be frustrated by him. But I also thought that you shouldn't eat food that falls on the floor. Especially our carpet. We hardly ever clean it. His paralyzed hand started shaking. He was using his arm and sort of his hand to hold one side and his good hand to hold other side. It was a long rectangular container. And the hand shaking made him drop the container. Not his fault.

Barb, maybe I'm missing something here. Your husband had open heart surgery to replace a valve ( so did my husband, at age 52, they replaced his aorta as well. No stroke).

Has your husband been diagnosed with cognitive impairment or dementia? If you suspect that, talk to his doctors and get an evaluation.

A food spill is always disappointing and never fun, but if it is going to give you a heart attack I think maybe you are over-reacting, don't you?

As BarbBrooklyn says, look after your own health. Get your anxiety under control. Make sure you are healthy in other ways.

When you are caring for someone who has impairments, there are going to be accidents. That is a given. You don't have to like them, but you have to figure out a way to take them in stride, if you are to have any serenity in your life at all.

I've just rinsed dropped food before in my house. It didn't hurt me. I would try to keep anything that hot out of reach though, as he advances. He may not be able to recognize what could burn him. As long as nothing terrible happened, I'd try not to sweat the small stuff. Of course, food is expensive, but, you should still be able to eat that chicken.

Barb, stop. Just stop for a minute and ask yourself why you're worried.

Are you afraid of germs? Of his exertion, or what?

Your anxiety has taken over. It needs to be better treated. If your psychiatrist is not taking the fact that you are crippled with anxiety, then find a different psychiatrist.

Have you been to your internist recently to have your np, thyroid, etc., checked? Get that done. Talk to your pcp in concrete terms about what is going on in your life.

You deserve relief from these symptoms!!!!!