I am going mad trying to please my mom. How do I keep her happy?
My 83 year old mother suffered a stroke 7 months ago, it was in her spine and she has slowly lost the use of her right leg, and is now in a wheelchair most of her days. I was living on the other side of the country but raced to be with her and subsequently took care of her once she came out of hospital, it was hell.
I have never had a good relationship with her and have spent most of my life trying to live as far away as possible from her. But I really felt that this was the end for her and told myself to stop being so selfish and nasty and try to be a good daughter. We lasted about a month before her nastiness got to me, and I took off back home, and I missed my husband, so was pleased to be gone.
She then had a fall which really knocked her confidence badly, I was a little hesitant to drop everything and race over to her again, my sister who only lives an hour away I hoped would look after her, but mum wanted me (god knows why). When I saw her lying in bed she looked so small and old, again I felt so guilty, I decided to give up my job, give up my life, and I made a promise to take care of her, she didn't want to go in a home. She told me it was my duty and that I owed her...I know emotional blackmail, and it worked.
Cutting a very long story short, I've moved her and I into a new house, its been 2 weeks and I think I'm losing my marbles. If I so much as have a bad day or go out or have an argument with my husband, she gets so nasty, and gossips about me to anyone who will listen. She says I'm cruel and unkind to her, when my days are completely taken caring for her cookin, cleanin, showering, and makin sure she is comfortable. I take her out most days and have almost thrown the wheelchair and jumped on it trying to get it in and out of the car. But its never enough. The tears from her are constant and I feel like the most evil person ever. My husband is ready to run a mile as I am just so miserable.
I have one day off a week that I go into town to shop or just sit and have a coffee. I have tried as others have to get her involved in more social activities, but she wont have anything to do with 'old' people, and if I push it I'm being evil again. In 6 months I've been out one night with my husband because she refuses to be on her own, even tho she has a St John life link alarm. If I don't go and check on her in bedroom every 30 mins she gets annoyed. i just get sick of running after her like a slave.
I'm ready to run a mile again, but this time I cant, I need help but have no idea who can help me, friends and my family know what she is like and I think they are so relieved the pressure is off them that they leave me to it...Help...anyone else relate to me????