Will your father respond to a son or brother or clergy? If you can tap into a trusted relationship to deliver the news, it might help for that person to deliver the news. Additionally, ask your doctor if you can tape the message for you to play over and over again. Dementia by definition means confusion. It is very hard to expect them to understand. Also, my mom did better on a low dose of Zoloft-ask the pharmacist if it can be added to food in liquid form or ground up. It may help your dad's brain chemistry to register the importance of taking his other meds.
Try to use emotional tugs or emotion driven arguments. Rational thinking, rational arguments generally do not work and generally upset or cause fear, depression, etc. Why does he need to know. What do you want him to do with this information. What behavior do you want to change. Think thru the end goal, and go at it backwards. A head on " here are the facts Dad" will not work.
You really can not make him believe it or admit it but in time you won't need for him to accept you can get as much knowledge as possible to help you handle the process but you can not make him accept the facts.
You are between a rock and a hard place with this. The longer dad goes without proper treatment the worst the dementia will get. Sounds like you are beyond the point where rational arguments or information will work so you need help. If you dad was more likely to trust other family members, friends, or neighbors (don't laugh I've seen this myself) enlist their help. If dad has gone to a doctor he liked in the past then get that doctor involved. Also, contact your local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association. They are very good at helping you find the best way to approach this. IN any case, you must find a way to get your dad on track taking his meds correctly and fighting the dementia before it gets him to the point where he will have to be institutionalized. Also, if he is still driving don't bother trying to take away his keys. Just lose the car. Put it in storage someplace and tell him it was stolen. ;-)
If you could get him to understand then he wouldn't have it. All they know is they seem to forget more then they used too. My Mom has it and is in a nursing home because of heatlh issues as well. She tells me all the time she hasn't the memory she used to have. I see no point in telling her "Mom you have dementia" and that is why you act the way you do ,or forget things. What is the point it will most likely make her feel worse or make her afraid. Just be there for him and try to get outside help.
Thank you all 4 your kind words & info. I have an appt. made 4 him on the 1st. Will have 2 wait till the last min. 2 try & get him in the car. Also due to legal issues in Probate, is the reason why the Attorney wants him Professionally Evaluated. Hugs & Thanks 2 all of you out there. Cheryl
Tell him that he has dementia and name it....i.e. Althzeimer's or whatever the diagnosis is. Then go ahead and tell him that he has to take his meds. Stand there and give it to him and watch him. Tell him when he needs to see the physician and why.....RESPECT>>>>RESPECT>>>>RESPECT> and don't forget LOVE.
I think you need to talk to your father's doctor about this. There are different types of dementia, and depending on the diagnosis, your doctor can advise you whether your father even needs to be told he has dementia. There are other ways of telling an elder he has "dementia" and that it would be helped by such-and-such a drug, without saying the word "dementia", which could hurt his self-esteem. I've heard of doctors saying the patient is having "memory problems" or "sleep difficulties".....things like that which are easier to take in for the patient. And then maybe he'd be more likely to accept the need for medication. I totally get what you're going through with your father. My father is in denial that he has a dementia condition with depression, and refused to see a psychiatrist even though his doctor suggested he do so---and his doctor was so careful to NOT say the word "dementia" but used other words that were kinder to my Dad's ego. It still didn't work. So I am still having to handle my father's occasional angry outbursts and fairly chronic negativity.
We still haven't told my mother-in-law that she has dementia. She just knows that her memory is in the crapper now, and has come to accept it. I'm not sure what good it would be to tell her the real reason she can't remember anything longer than 5 minutes. And concerned85, make your dads money inaccessible to strangers, and the women will move on.
sometimes they are never able to quite grasp the full meaning of it all, all u can do, is keep him comfortable, and let him be............He will find little ritualistic things to occupy himself, and hopefully just resign himself that thats where he is and thats where he will stay! there are many ways to try to keep him entertained, if u want some suggestions, just ask, let us know what his likes and dislikes are and I will try to help with that part!!! God Bless u, and know u are doing the right thing, him by himself, could be fatal! totally understand, as I have been there done that!!!!
My mother has mild - moderate dementia - but not medically diagnosed. She has good days/parts of days when she is lucid and she sees only a nurse practitioner who she can go to on those days, without having to make a prior appt. Won't go see a physician. She is currently selling a property she owns,which she does not need to sell now, in this low market, way below asking price, with the help of a real estate agent who is desperate to make a sale. I am in a no-win situation. The real estate agent is meeting with her and getting her to sign papers, I live 4 hours away. I've talked to the real estate agent, who initially did not want to meet alone with my mother because she saw what I see. Now, with a prospective buyer, she sees mom as having "all her faculties" and is moving ahead with "her client". My mom tells the agent she doesn't care what she sells it for. I've explained to the agent that the rental income from this property would go a long way toward paying for assisted living down the road, without draining her assets. She says that is a family matter. Now my mother is lashing out angrily at me, the only one in my very dysfunctional family who is responsible and the only one who has been caring for her since she was widowed 13 months ago. I have no help. The real estate agent is my mother's sudden new best friend whom she trusts.
Hi, Your story really hits home 4 me. My Dad is also careless when it comes 2 making decisions. I was wondering , do you have POA over your Mom ? If so you have the right 2 step in & tell the Real Estate Agent, that the house "IS NOT 4 SALE" . The Agent in question needs to be reported 4 trying 2 make a quick buck off an Elderly person. Myself, if she don't take NO 4 an answer , tell her that you will be contacting a Lawyer& also "The Elderly affairs" Dept that works hand in hand w/ your local Law enforcment. If you do not already have POA over your Mom, you need to get her to an Attorney to have all the paperwork you will need in the future.( ie: Will , POA, & legal Guardianship. You need to get this done ASAP !
Nelly2 - phone the real estate agent and tell her/him this, "I have Power of Attorney for my mother, and it is not in your mother's best interest to sell the house at this time. If she proceeds with this sale, you will put a claim on the title and also report the agent to the appropriate agencies." I bet the agent disappears quickly.
here are the facts Dad" will not work.
One thing that seems to be working fine was to crush the medication up and offer in foods like Icecream, yogurt, applesauce etc.
Make sure you ask your doctor if it is safe to crush the medications. Some medications can not be crushed.
Good luck on your caregiving journey~
Hap
God Bless u, and know u are doing the right thing, him by himself, could be fatal!
totally understand, as I have been there done that!!!!