My mother’s dementia is getting worse, how much longer does she have to stay at home before she drives everyone crazy?

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My mom has dementia and I try to care for her as well as my husband who has a bad heart. His doctor says he won't make it much longer. I'm in bad shape I have rods and screws in my leg and knee and can barely walk I don't get to spend any along time with my husband. She has other kids but they all work so no one will take her in for me. And they tell me I better not put her anywhere so I don't know what to do. I have to bathe her and remind her to take her meds remind her who everyone is. And she's always seeing are hearing something and if I don't believe her she gets mad I'm at my ropes end I don't know what to do anymore and I would feel guilty if I told her she would have to move in with someone else what do I do?
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Anything I receive from other care-givers would be a balm to my spirit. No one outside this special group understands the wrenching of the heart in finding that this person, on whom one has so relied, is no longer a support, but has, instead, become a stranger.
..And then, we are alone.
It's almost amusing to find we have been demoted to the changer of diapers and the counter of pills; we, who were the life partners, who thought through the decisions -- should we invest here, should we pay for special ed?
Now we are deciding, should we look for flea markets, should we sell the house? Who cares? Who is 'we'?
Talk to me.
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I am so touched by comments by the care-giver victims of this horrible disease. Everyone impacted by this disease is a victim and we all feel that we surely could have done better to fix the loss of our friend or relative. I am relatively new to the disease (at least 10 years) & i know how hard it is to be a bystander -- i keep on trying to reason with my beloved .
I laugh at myself when I talk politics with my dear guy. Of course, he never remembers the topic. On the other hand, he never remembers my mistakes, either.
I am so lonely. Thank god for my cat.
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So my husbands mom: dementia also. At first she was okay, then she would start saying she wanted to kill him. 2 minutes later she denied it. she would say she hated it at his home, yet SHE was the one that called him 4 times a day to ask for him to take her in.

After 3 PSW's (who stole, lied, wouldn't show up), then 3 care facilities we FINALLY found one in Missouri that actually cares and specializes in dementia patients.
Did you know, most facilities, the expensive one's, have a set of bed's that are $1,000 per month??? yep. I have to ask hubby what site he looked on. They release X-amount per month. This facility has nurses that specialize in dementia care (separate ward).
It was so hard for him to put her there. I hate saying 'put' ... I mean wow. she lived a fab-life and then she gets this terrible disease.

Everyday my husband hates himself taking her there. He tried at home. but just couldn't do it. He wishes he could just 'talk' to her about it, but cant cause she is in the high stages of dementia. She is on/off everyday. But let me tell you this? YOU have to take care of YOU. OR you will go bonkers.
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OMG! That could go on for 20 years!
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my mother could be fine then one minute she goes off again. saying we taking her money,or stuff missing. she locks everything up and still saying stuff, she is driving my son and I crazy she is 79 . she still driving etc. I don't get it. she can remember things I dunno what to do. family isn't helping out. her doctor wont talk to me I'm not the proxy I do live at her house. She throws things at us. she gets violent. she calls the cops on us for nothing. saying we do things when we don't. we even video tape her when she acts up for proof its her. its dementia I know it. or she has 2 personalities. I cant afford to move out. I will be homeless. I'm not getting help. shes active for her age she don't even look 79. people think like 60. any haelp
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my mom who is 68 has dementia and is living with my family,im finding its getting worse on a everyday basis.im so tired and im just burned out,but its my mom who took care of myself and my brothers.i dont want to put her in a home im so afraid she will hate me,she is aware of whats going on,she is confused but i know she know who i am i dont how long that will last but for now i will take it....best wishes to your family
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my mom who is 68 has dementia and is living with my family,im finding its getting worse on a everyday basis.im so tired and im just burned out,but its my mom who took care of myself and my brothers.i dont want to put her in a home im so afraid she will hate me,she is aware of whats going on,she is confused but i know she know who i am i dont how long that will last but for now i will take it....best wishes to your family
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thank god for this site! I come here just to escape and re -center myself, so that I can get a semblance of daiiy adaptation! thanks to all who have been so much help to me! Sometimes they say god wont give us any,more can handle
well somehow I get through each day just fine, sometimes with a minute at a time................Just have to keep saying the cup is half full, not almost empty!
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And if you decide that placing your mother in a care facility is the best decision, then do not feel guilty. In your heart, you know best. You are wanting to provide the best care your mother can receive while preserving your own health and sanity.
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