My father had bladder cancer that has spread to his bones. He is very tired, has no appetite and is uncomfortable. Can someone please tell me how long we have?

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My Father had bladder cancer and now it has spread to his bones...He is very tired, has no appetite and he is uncomfortable. could someone (who has gone through this with a loved one) please tell me how long do we have? He tells us he does not feel like there is much time. We are going to the oncologist next week. He is almost 86 and has some other health issues also. My heart is broken, but I do not want him to suffer. My family, bless their hearts are rallying around us... I am trying to stay focused on making him comfortable and peaceful.

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I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Watching a parent in pain with no way to help is so very hard. I've been through it too....It's hard to understand how long your dad will last. Some people seem to hang on and others pass quickly and quietly. My first advice is that if you can't control his pain - if it's hard for him to bare, don't wait for a visit to the oncologist, take him to the ER. They will help make him comfortable until you can see the doctor. Second is that you contact hospice ASAP- call your local hospital's social service office and ask for their recommendation.

Your oncologist should be able to give you some indication of how long he might have left. Be sure to ask about palliative care - how he can be made comfortable. ASAP, ask that hospice become involved in his care. Decide whether to keep him at home or in a facility like a hospital or hospice center. Hospice nurses and aides will do all they can for your dad and for you. Let them do the physical tending so that you're free to laugh and love your dad - AND EACH OTHER - as well as you can. As the end nears, don't be afraid to touch your dad and get involved in tending to him. Let your instincts guide you and remember that - controlling his pain is a high priority but he needs to feel loved now more than anything. Best of luck to you and to your father. He's lucky to have kids who care so much.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. If he is not eating, then he may be moving into the end stages of his disease, but it could also be side effects from medications, so seeing his care provider soon is a good idea. My father stopped eating and was gone three days later. The one thing I would recommend from my experience is get hospice NOW. I agree with the other person answering with you DO IT NOW. Call the oncologist office and ask for the referral today, not after you see the doctor next week. Hospice can make such an amazing difference in everyone's lives. They will help with his pain and comfort, as well as prepare you for what is coming. They are the angels among us.
thank you, I did call hospice yesterday... They will not get involved till we have an actual prognosis. I have notified the Dr office and have gotten other pain medication for him! I recently made him some current cakes which is an old scottish recipe ( we are all scottish) and he asked for me to make them again. My Grandma always made them and it made him smile and brought back good memories... thank you for your kind words!!!
SOON - Days or a week or two.

I base this on a couple things, one he is not eating, has no appetite to eat. So soon he will start to lose the potassium, other electrolytes that he needs to keep functioning. The lack of calories and consumption means he will get weak soon. It is the body's way of turning of the lights one-at-a time.

Second, he "knows." My mother also knew when she passed. When they actually "tell" you, it's a strong indication, please take it as a peaceful, in-control time for him and your family. When there is still "fight" in them, they are willing to take pills, get up/down to the toilet, will try to eat. (If he can eat more than the current cakes, then he might pull thru. Otherwise, it may be his way of thanking you for bringing back a bit of the old memories and happiness.)

I hope I'm totally wrong. Some docs, my mother's oncologist for example, never did "call the time" and I was too young to know to be insistent and to get hospice involved. If your dad can still make it to an office visit, I'd go in ASAP, appointment or no appointment. If not, maybe you can get the prognosis from the oncologist (by insisting) or your family practice doc.

SO WHAT if hospice lasts 3 days or 10 weeks, that's how it is supposed to happen. Hopefully, they will be able to then come to the home and give you some support. And most importantly, let you focus your time on your father.

Hoping his time is comfortable, as is your heart, when he can finally rest completely.
thank you robert888, I appreciate your kind words...My Dad still has his sense of humor. On friday he told the onocologist being in pain is against my religion I am a devout coward! My sisters were both here at the weekend, my niece and her children and also my son his wife and our grandson. Dad really enjoyed seeing everyone. We kind of took turns going to visit and only one sister stayed with them. We had no GREAT bid family meals that is just too hard!!! We are trying to offer him things he likes in small amounts and he appreciates that. thank you again... take care, J
Jaye, Your father sounds like a wonderful man. It is so good that you are able to bring a smile to his face with baked currant cakes and visitors. He is surrounded by love. I am so sorry you have to see your father getting weaker and for what you are going through.
thank you anne123 I appreciate your kind words...
I'm so sorry for what you are having to endure right watch your Dad in pain causes pain to your own heart, trust me, I felt the same pain in October of 2005 when my Dad went into sepsis shock from stage 4 bedsores caused by NEGLECT AT A NURSING HOME FACILITY...and he yelled out, "I have never been in such pain in my life! Lord!"
I went into the chapel at the hospital and opened the Bible there to the verse, "by His stripes we are healed", and highlighted it with a yellow highlighter. I then asked God to either heal him or take him, which God, in His infinite mercy and wisdom, decided to take Him to Paradise where he is in longer in pain and there isn't a better place my Dad could be.
I will tell you, although you are expecting the end to come, it is not easy, and even 5 years later, it still hurts my heart to know the pain my Dad was in caused by neglectful people who I entrusted to take care of him.
I APPLAUD you for keeping him with you at home, what a WONDERFUL person you are for your time and support you are giving to him during this trying time. And I'm sure he would have given up long ago if that support wasn't there.
As for him not eating, it really could be side affects of meds, and you should check him for bed sores because if he does have one, it could be infected causing him to have a fever. When my Dad started pocketing food, I bought him milkshakes, which he drank them everytime, even though he wouldn't eat. Maybe getting him his favorite milkshake will at least keep him from starving himself.
I hope and pray God grants you and your family the peace and strength they need to get through this, and most of all, God bless your Dad with His perfect peace that only comes from above.
thank you so much for your kind words sylvester18... Our faith is holding us up!!! I am very sorry about what your Father endured... bless his heart I am sure is at peace... thank you again... and may the Lord bless you, take care, J
My Dad has bladder cancer,the doctor says its aggressive and was found in the mussel of his bladder, he said that he either needs to remove his bladder or it may have spread into his bones.He go's to get a dye shot on Monday and an x-ray on Tuesday to see if it has spread into his bones.I am so scared,he is 70 years old and acts like he's 50. The pathology came back after his surgery and it doe's not sound good...what can i expect? should he get chemo or not? i want him around for a lot longer, but will chemo just make it worse and take him down faster,if its in his bones?

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