pacollins65 Asked March 2011

How do I get control of mom's money, doctors appointments, medications, etc? I want to make sure she gets the care she needs.

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She thinks she doesn't have alzheimer's

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nacho52 Mar 2011
My sister and I had to get a power of attorney on her finances and her health. My sister now has the power of attorney on our mothers money. She pays her bills and takes over all things having to due with her money. I am now the power of attorney on all her health issues. Which means when she now goes to the doctor I have to show them that I have the power of attorney on her health and I now have the say so on her health cause she can't make many decisions anymore. If my Mom becomes very ill and becomes a vegetable it's up to me now to tell the doctor what to do,. Everyone who has a parent that has dementia should all become there parents POA.
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shoningram Mar 2011
I would have to agree with Shelly. I think you first need to educate yourself on all your rights as a POA. Find a good elderlaw attorney. Then plan the meeting to get everyone on the same page. If there is disagreement, look into a mediator to help sort everything out. If it can't be perhaps a conservator is in order BUT only as a LAST resort!!! You would be giving up all control to the courts.
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ShelleyWebb Mar 2011
It concerns me that you say "how do I get control of"......

You're wanting to help is a great thing but please do keep in mind that losing control of one's life (management of money, helath care decisions, living arrangement decisions) is probably THE scariest thing about growing older. Consider how you would feel if someone came in and wanted to take over your life.
People with Alzheimer's are not going to believe they have Alzheimer's unless they learned about it at a very early stage....and they may forget that knowledge, as well.

If you can, plan a family meeting. Prepare for this by gathering information from physicians (you may want to go with your Mom to her appointments so that you're able to HAVE this information), from web sites, if you have a diagnosis, lists of legal documents that your Mom has in place (if you or she know of them). Discuss who will have the durable powers of attorney for your Mom (health and financial) and begin to put those in place. Keep in mind that these can be refuted by your Mom at her will but in the event of an emergency, they will be needed. Involve your Mom in the family meeting and as Elisa said, try to work as a team as much as possible.
If you fear for your mother's safety, you may need to approach an elderlaw attorney and ask for conservator/guardian status (but keep in mind that this is a lengthy, sometimes costly and very humbling event.)

Best wishes, Shelley.

Jaye - a note about driving: if she has been told not to drive, you need to make sure that is enforced. Disable the car in some way and then take it "to the shop" for repairs. Another alternative is to have her physician order an occupational therapy assessment for driving. If she doesn't pass, they will notify the DMV and her license will be revoked. You may want to look into the types of transportation available to her so that the need to drive is lessened. (My father once ordered a truck and had it delivered while I was at work.)
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Jaye Mar 2011
Thank You!!!
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You need to understand what the PoA means. It sounds like what's scaring you is you're flying in the dark, so turn the lights on. Educate yourself, not just on chats like this -- helpful as they are -- but by researching online, going to the Social Services department, showing the PoA to a lawyer, etc. Nobody sprang from the womb knowing this stuff, so don't feel bad that you don't know, and fill in the blanks. Good luck.
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Jaye Mar 2011
I am my Mother's POA my Father passed away in July. My concern is can I be held responsible for what she does? For example if she spends money she should not do I have to pay the bills??? If she has an accident with her car am I responsible? She has been told NOT to drive but she does not want to listen. I could use some advice too... thank you
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cmagnum Mar 2011
If your mother's alzheimer's is considered too far advanced, then she may not be competent to give you durable POA for money and such concerns and/or medical POA. Has her doctor evaluated her recently? Does she trust and like her doctor well enough to listen to his input if you were to say something to him before hand. I found this works great with my mother's neurologist and with the family lawyer.
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I have faced this exact same situation w/my mother who has dementia. Let me say that because my mother lives w/me by choice,( she fears going to a nursing home) I do not threaten her or try to give ultimatums regarding her living arrangements. But I impress on her that if we are to be a team in her care,( so she may remain with me in my home then she MUST, allow me some say and follow my recemendations as guided by the dr.s and resources offered. Sometimes stating tough love words to do the right thing for her even when she doesn't think so, is the only way to care well for her and keep my sense of control, and peace in the home. I took her to a laywer for explanaition of a POA. it took a couple of visits but I finally got the POA. So be persistant, patient,and affirm your "good intentions" and empathy as to what she may be going through.od Bless.
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jbhstar Mar 2011
Speak to your family lawyer. Perhaps you already are named POA and she can be declared incompetent, etc. so that you can exericse the POA. Or, you can consider a conservatorship.
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