My husband is so frustrated and sad with his condition, how do I cope when they are veered at me?

Asked by

So hard to know how to handle the everyday upsets. I know it's the disease, but the way I used to handle disagreements isn't appropriate anymore, especially when the issues are not necessarily the reality of the situation.

Answers 1 to 3 of 3
Top Answer
A little more information would be useful here. Your husband has dementia, right? Has he had it long? When you refer to how you used to handle disagreements do you mean before he had dementia, or in an earlier stage, or ... ?

Generally, it helps to go along with the loved one's reality. If he says, "I'm sick of meatloaf! We have meatloaf every night!" it might produce more calm to say "I am so sorry you aren't enjoying supper. I promise not to make meatloaf again without asking your first. Can you eat it one last time, or should I fix you a peanut butter sandwich?" instead of "This is the first time in two months I've made meatloaf and you always used to love it!" (even though that may be true). Does that even come close to the kind of thing you mean?

Give us a little more detail and you'll probably get more specific responses.
I agree with Jeanne, it does help to go along with your husband's present state of mind. He can't control it; no one can. I found it much easier to handle this way when my MIL lived with us. Their reality has changed and as dementia progresses, it only gets worse. The person can become easily agitated and how you respond to it makes a difference for both of you. Taking the path of least resistence worked in my situation. Take care.
Im going through the same thing and want to keep my husband at home as long as possible. Its getting harder and harder to cope with his behavior.

Share your answer

Please enter your Answer

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support