About six months ago my grandmothers health began to get worse. She was living with my uncle and when she got sick instead of keeping her in the hospital he put her in a home. She was miserable there and called my father to come and get her. My dad lives in Southern California. He is disabled and is not in the best health himself. But that's his mother so I went with him to Northern California to get my grandma. This was only after my grandma and my dad both spoke to his brother and he agreed it would be a good idea. Now let me say that my grandma did not need to be in a home. Since she has been living with my parents she has gotten the medical attention she needs and her health has improved greatly. She has since moved to an independent senior living apartment and is doing well but she misses northern california and would like to return. My dad called my uncle and told him that their mom wanted to go back up there and asked if he could look into some senior living apartments. My uncle said yes that he would get back to him within a week and it has been almost two months now. My uncle won't speak to my dad and doesn't return his phone calls. He has for some reason started to tell the rest of the family lies about my dad saying he didn't want to take care of my grandma and that he is done with her. My dad and mom have done everything for my grandma while caring for four daughters two of them under the age of ten. They drive her to doctors appts, go and have dinner with her everyday, help her out financially and it really hurts my dad and stresses him out to hear what his brother is saying. All this stress is not good for my disabled dad's health and he is one of five sons and all his other brothers say they don't want to get involved in family drama or anything. THis is their mother and they don't care they don't call her and when my dad calls them they say they are busy or they don't want to get involved or say they will call him back and never do. He even sent out an email to everyone explaining what has gone on since my grandma moved down here and that she wants to move back to her home up there and it breaks my heart to know my dad checks his email everyday hoping to hear from his brothers and never does. How can I make things easier on my dad and make his four other healthy brothers see that they need to help out with my grandma?
Family issues are so complicated. The others are operating out of guilt and fear. Your dad took on the care of their mother, and now she wants to make a decision she has every right to make. But no one will help. I know that guilt and fear makes people tell lies. I've seen that. It's awful.
Keep checking in. We want to know how you are doing.
Carol
I'm new to this site but have been reading others commets for a long time and the support others will give you means so much, and I think if you are able to do the things minding our elders sugest might help. You are not alone, and I do hope someone who has gone through a simialier situation will respond, my heart goes out to you and your parents- please keep in touch if only to express your feelings.
Carol
Carol
This happens in so many families. They live in denial and they know you won't dump your grandma and so they don't feel guilty. The just figure you are complaining. They are "too busy" to help. Maybe they will do something some day. The human mind is so great at denial.
You must get help or you will have a mental and/or physical breakdown. I'd send out another email letting everyone know that since they are all too busy to help, you are going to hire an in-home care agency to help, and you will be having each of them billed, in turn.
They may or may not buy this (you likely can't legally do it) but it may help get your point across. If this doesn't work, contact your county social services. They have house cleaning and other help for those who qualify. Your state Department of Human Services (just get to your state level and someone will get you to the right department) also has government money for respite care, usually used by agencies in your area.
The bottom line is that you can't keep this up. You must get help. So, take a deep breath. Don't yell. Don't threaten. Just tell them this is what you are doing, because if you don't you could die.
Please keep us posted so we know how you are doing.
Carol