I'm afraid dad has caregiving and controlling mixed up but he's such a mess no one wants to be around him. How much power do his children have when it comes to hiring someone to bathe him and help him with his hygiene?

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My father used to be a personal hygiene neat freak. Now he leaves his depends sometimes on top of the trash can I leave in his room, instead of inside. How should I approach this sensitive subject with him? I am new to this caregiving job, just three months in the actual physical part. He has dementia, alzheimer's type I believe.

Answers 1 to 10 of 10
i would just buy latex gloves and put them on in front of him. he will probably ask what you are doing then tell him i am picking up the depends. i use gloves all the time with granny's potty i even have plastic bags in the pot. good luck Dare
Thanks Dare! I do use gloves. And I guess I'm very lucky he can still walk to the bathroom for now.
Have you tried gently reminding him they go on the inside of the trash can? the fact he puts them on top says he knows they go there, he may just have forgot they go on the inside.
Well, he wore his underwear over them, and left them together. Not quite sure what that means, but he he is not quite that far gone yet. Maybe he was saving them for later. Chuckle! Gotta look at the funny sides sometimes. He grew up in an extremely conservative household where they reused everything. Chuckle! Not sure, I'm walking on land mines sometimes with him, and little reminders can sometimes set him off. I try to avoid these. If he does it again, I probably will gently remind him. Thanks, appreciate your suggestion. Your're absolutely right.
My father wants very much to be titled with "the patriarch of the family". He will not bathe, he won't wear his hearing aides and becomes agitated because the family gatherings are not run so that everyone takes turn talking and only directly to him. He will not brush his teeth or see a dentist and will rarely wear protective underwear. He has old food running down his clothes and the scooter he rides. When his shower is set up for him, he will go in there and change clothes but will not bathe. He is also demanding to be hugged and kissed by his children and grandchildren. Mom is a victim of dementia and started into Alziemers and she was always the caregiver in their relationship. Mom still takes pretty good care of her appearence and we have solved the bathroom safety issues for her. He still goes into the bathroom when she showers and thinks he can catch her if she falls.
She outwieghs him by quite a bit. We are trying to get mom out of the place they live for interaction with other people but dad tells her that every time she leaves he dies a little bit. I'm afraid dad has caregiving and controlling mixed up but he's such a mess no one wants to be around him. How much power do his children have when it comes to hiring someone to bathe him and help him with his hygeien? His daughters cannot assume the role because of past sexual deeds and inuendoes. He Poo's all over the bathroom and says our sins will be forgiven if we clean it up. Are we alone in this?
Hi kami, if you are new to the site welcome! I have read that strange behaviors are often characteristic to their personalities, and are often exaggerated. I'm noticing this with my father. One day my father got his poo all over the bathroom, and swore that it was clean. He says, "there is nothing in there". I go in to inspect, and to my horror it was smudged everywhere. I donned a hazmat suit to clean and sterilize. I had to strip everything out, and disinfect every inch. Now I go in there several times a day to clean, change towels, and sanitize. I feel like I'm obsessive compulsive now. LOL I think with alzheimer's they become actually afraid of the water, or so I have read. You can try some bribery, just like a child. They do become much like children after all. Take Care and Good Luck! Nauseated
My husband's grandfather forgets everytime where he has to piss. He goes to bathroom, stands near toilet and thinks where he has to do it. So every time he needs help to discover it. Hopefully he lives in my husband's father home and they take care of him.
My Dad seems to spend more and more time in the bathroom. I tell my daughter to hurry to get ready for school in the morning before grampy gets up, so she is not late for school. I don't know if he's forgetting what he has to do, or how to do it. Does anyone else notice this, and is this leading up to some next stage of the dementia? Nauseated
Dear Nauseated,
My father has Alzheimer's and one of our biggest problems was his going into the bathroom and staying FOREVER. Mom wouldn't go to bed at night until he came out of the bathroom. Sometimes that would be 3 hours!!! He would get angry with her if she tried to hurry him up. She kept trying to figure out a "reason" for this behaviour. To me it was clear. Due to the Alzheimer's he didn't know the difference between 3 minutes and 3 hours. Also, he had forgotten how to brush his teeth, shave, etc. and I think just spent most of his time like a deer in the headlights staring in the mirror or sitting on the toilet sound asleep.

We found that when we told him his toilet was broken and had to share the other bathroom with others, his politeness memory kicked in and he got out of the bathroom more quickly. That doesn't help you much if you only have one bathroom, though. Will he allow anyone to go into the bathroom to help him? Maybe you can call through the door that his favorite snack, beverage is ready now and he won't realize you are trying to hurry him out?

Good luck,
Dear cookie, thanks for the advice, I shall try that next time. Naus

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