Can anyone share helpful hints that they have learned in caregiving?

Whatever conversation my Dad starts up, and these days it never makes sense, I have learned to just go with it and I am amazed how it helps him feel he is OK.

I play whatever part needed to fit in with wherever his mind goes. Lots of times we both end up laughing. It's so good to see him actually enjoy himself on occasion.

I know it's hard and heartbreaking most times, so I really cherish the good times we can have together.

Thank you all for your hints and supportive words. Although I am a newbie to this site, my mom has been here with me 4 years and I learn or think of new ways to make things easier as we go along and I always wonder, "why didn't I already think of this". I have really learned to take care of myself by yoga twice a week and working out at the gym. I get a sitter in several times a week. I also teach cake decorating more or less as a hobby that gets me out of the house and talking with people other than my husband. Because my mom has been diagnosed as "failure to thrive" (weight loss - she only drinks Ensures) we have hospice services which involve a nurse coming by once a week and an aide to bathe/shower her 3 times a week.

My mom was diagnosed with dementia August 2011. She has been living with us since mid-December. She has lost interest in TV, reading, sewing, etc. She often just sits & stares into space. One hint that I could add is when speaking to a person like my mom, I first have to get her attention rather than just starting to talk. So I call her by name (mama) & wait for her to look at me. I then speak in a slower speed. I know us southerners already talk slow!! Anyway I speak slower & never try to discuss more that one subject at a time. After a sentence I pause & wait for her to absorb it before moving on.

I appreciate that some of you understand the importance of going to their world... they no longer live in ours and depending on what stage they are in, they can not retain or learn new information.... I have always'played along' when my elders think they are somewhere else, or that I am someone else.... just yesterday I was helping get Sonny dressed, this look went across his face, asked him what was wrong, " Do you think they are going to let me in ?" . I very promptly said, " I'll kick their ass if they don't".....he laughed, felt safe and protected and I had to hide the sadness on my own face.... how frightening to wake up and not know where you are and whether or not you are going to be 'accepted'.... it breaks my heart... but I spend time observing what HIS reality is and I go there with him... it is sad enough they don't know who they are, where they are, without making it more frightening for them.... they are asking about THEIR truth, not ours... it is so hard for them to have dignity at this time of their life...I just go to his world, in many ways it is a better place than the one I live in everyday....
This thread was a great idea... thanks for starting it... love and hugs....

Dear Anita,
First, give care to your disabled loved one because you love them. If you do it for the money or other benefit, you will find yourself woefully underpaid. Do your best and forgive yourself for being imperfect, and forgive your loved one when they poop in your hand and say they're paying you by doing so. You are in a crazy situation lacking the tools and resources you need, and no one cares who can help you much. That, as they say in the caregiving business, is the job. You will find people like us at websites like this one who understand what you're going through, feel your pain, wish they could help and have problems that put yours to shame. Sadly, we cannot help you. Except to applaud the work you do and respect and support you for doing it. Give yourself the support and encouragement you need. Good Luck. God Bless You.

Ok, I have one. I got the idea when my Dad said something during a counseling session about having to look up to check an appointment on the wall calendar. You see, both of my parents are in wheelchairs and although I keep a wall calendar with all of their appointments, it never occurred to me that it wasn't very parent friendly. From their perspective, it was just another annoyance in their daily lives. So, my son moved the calendar halfway down the wall so my parents can actually see it. We got our wall calendar at an office supply store so it's got big numbers and it's laminated so we can use a dry erase marker.

Im not sure if this has been mentioned, but all caregivers should have a GAIT BELT / TRANSFER BELT at all times. I suggest placing it close to your loved one at all times and learn how to use it properly and proper placement. This can mean the difference between a fall or not. Just FYI :-)

O.K. - this is not a hint but I have to share because it relates to my mom and my previous posting about her asking about her family who have passed on already. I keep my 3 yr old granddaughter a couple days a week now after having had her full-time while her parents work since she was born, so she has been around "GaeGo" her name for my mom all her life. After all this time of being truthful with my mom about my dad being dead, yesterday, when mom asked if I'd seen him, I said, "No, I haven't" to which my granddaughter said quietly (my mom is very hard of hearing) "he died 6 years ago and is buried in Lawerenceburg" which is exactly what I usually tell my mom.

My Dad believes his mother is alive, she died in 1987, so when he talks about her I just go with it, and anyone else he brings up that has died. I don't try to reason with him because the only reality he has is in his own mind, and I don't want to say anything that will upset him in any way if I can avoid it.

Just my two cents :)

I got a wireless bed alarm for my mother. there is a thin pad that goes under the bed sheet & a wireless alarm unit that can be placed anywhere in the house. So when she gets out of the bed the alarm goes off in my bedroom. That way she is not startled or upset by hearing a alarm in her room. She just thinks that I happen to be up every time she gets out of the bed!