What can I do to help my brother who is caring for our mother with dementia?

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She got out of hosp.She is doing well under our care we have caregiver help
He says he is feeling overwhelmed and under alot of stress.
He takes care of Mom 7am-5pm Monday-Friday.I take over when i come home from work.He off on Weekends,He helps get her up on Sat. and Sun.He out of house by 10;30 AM on weekends.
I am a RN worked for 41 years still working. I do not feel stressed caring for my Mom.I feel this is my duty to her since has taken care of us our whole life.
So what can I do to help my brother feel better.

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It sounds like you are doing all you can to help your mom and I commend you for that as my siblings never help and it sounds like you are there every day, too. But realize that he's still the primary caregiver and he is feeling an emotional burden that is hard to describe to others. It's almost like being responsible for a child. Think of his role as similar to a stay at home mom that has no one to talk to all day and can't wait until you come from work to take over and give him a break..but he really still doesn't let go. Does running errands on the weekend still revolve around the caregiver role - shopping for groceries, picking up prescriptions etc? Maybe you should encourage him to engage in something weekends and/or evenings that take the focus off his caregiver role. Otherwise, I would say realize that his personality and make up might just require that he vent and he is venting to you. Let him vent. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love your mother, it doesn't even mean he resents caregiving and it doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate your help. As a nurse, you may be more accustomed to dealing with illness than he is and if you are still working and he is not working, you have an outlet to engage in besides the care of your mom - which it sounds like he needs too. Best wishes to you
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I have recently moved in with my mom and brother, who was her major caregiver 24/7 before I came. We work it out so that when one needs a break, the other is there to take over. The only thing about our situation is I can't lift her when she falls--it's happened twice since I've been here. Thankfully, I have a trusted neighbor whom I can call on when necessary. Otherwise, I would have to call the EMT. Sharing is a good thing--but that means really sharing--give your brother a vacation--or scheduled DAYS OFF to destress. I guarantee you HE WILL FEEL BETTER.
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Sandy: I hear what you are saying. I heard my brother (and g/f whom my mom does not like) are coming to "visit". VISIT? My mom needs more than a couple of weeks in which bro and g/f will be site seeing and leaving mom at home like they did last year after my dad's death. I AM doing it alone and it IS stressful and well meaning people come to this house to "visit" but I still don't get a break as it is ME that my mom wants with her. She knows it is ME that cares for her day in and day out. It is a strain on our lives and our psyches and quite honestly, I have gained so much strength from this site and made friends in threads over the last couple of weeks MORE than family members who travel from afar, site see, and go home. I am grateful. A "little" help ... I hear that!
My sadness is in that this is the first time in my life Mom and I have gotten along so well (guess seeing her vulnerability softened my heart and she knows she can depend on me) and I hate to see that interrupted by a "visit" or if she has to go to NH. Her grieving/depression is the main issue and doc has her on rx now and also her major weight loss (BMI is quite askew). A visit from a son is NOT going to bounce her back immediately so that on her appt in Oct she will "be fine" as he likes to say. Some people live in denial; some see things as they are and try their best to accept that.
Peg (San Diego)
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I took care of my Mom 24 hrs a day for many years. The last 2 were the worst. Besides health problems she has dementia. My sister kept saying, " I feel bad for you" what can I do? But until the last year, it was me. I did it all. It is a Strain on your life and your psyche that takes a long time to go away. My Mom is in a NH for the last month and is still mean to me when I go there. It is hard to be the everything person and still take all the abuse. A little help is just that: a little help.
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if you have the right kiind of insurane - use it. My husband had a stroke also has 4 sisters. We had to sell a hugh place in the woods where he had all the luxuries of nature & move to town. "I" packed sorted, arranged for auction,hauled, did the legal work etc. Just once I asked his sisters to take one day a month to come do something with him, response was "We'll have to consider it!: 3 weeks later I got a call stating they had to much to do and then said "what do you do with him if it's raining?" I blew my cork (yes my husband heard it all) & basicall told them enough, in every size, shape, form, occasion,etc. Their being busy didn't stop the vacations and trips for them tho. I've had serious health problems myself & I always felt like "extra baggage" around them anyway. He has 2 sons that NEVER send him a card for ANY reason, birthday, father's day, Xmas, anything, but you know what thru it all we have survived and the road was very difficult sometimes but I have good friends who mean much more to us than his family. We both very frankly speak our mind & I've been told their not used to that. I spend some time in my office just thinking and crying and feeling alone as now my oldest daughter has terminal cancer & we talk everyday. We will be OK but I ask for your quiet prayers that she won't suffer so bad. I VERY recently learned the true meaning of "you never know what tomorrow is going to bring." Ihad twin sisters. One night one of them went into the hospital as she felt so weak. They admtted her immediately and 7 weeks later she was buried - cause leukemia You all have a good forthcoming week and find something to laugh about - it's great medicine.
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Is Nurse411 and Charlottewilli the same person?
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We are going to work on Sat And Sun. This will give him more time
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I surely can relate to your brother. I'm an only child caring for my widowed 90 year old mom (w/ dementia) in her home. My husband, sis-in-law, and two friends also help, but I'm still there 55 hours a week (and work part time too). I occasionally get one whole day & night off. She's not needing nursing home care, but can't be alone, and can't afford much more paid help. So far, so good, but sometimes we sure feel trapped. We managed to get away two days for our anniversary in June! I hope your brother can get several whole days off for his health and sanity's sake. We love our mom's, but balance is so needful. God bless y'all!
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We did have 3 caregivers one for days and one coming back at night and a back up person now this person can not work. .It takes two people one person can not do by their self.He is their with caregiver during the day, I am there in evening and at night. Our caregivers leaves at 6pm. Caregiver comes back at 9 to help me get her bed.So we have help. I am now looking for more help.
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Is there a way to hire somebody to give him a break? When I got to the breaking point, I hired additional caregivers and couldn't believe the difference it made. We have managed to piece together support from Visiting Nurses, nursing students from the local college, the couple that helps us weekdays and family. Family, of course, is the least reliable to count on but I know now that without help we couldn't manage this.
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