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I need help. My special-needs brother just passed away. My mother has been his caregiver 24x7 for 41 years. He was severely mentally & physically disabled & non-verbal. My father helped when he could., but primarily, my mother did EVERYTHING. now that my broth is gone, my mother seems to have "lost it" so she's only eating sweets, is depressed but getting help. My father, is VERY angry. He is more than just MEAN to my mother and has threatened to leave if she doesn't change. It's only been a month. He has no one to talk to and is extremely negative about seeking help of any kind. I've been a sounding block for them and I'm okay with that for now, but will soon have to create some boundaries. They are in their early 70's, have little money and no motivation to do much of anything. They keep to themselves mostly and have been married 50 years. Anyone have similar experiences? Suggestions?!

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I would contact their primary care doctor or minister and ask for his guidance. I agree with ladee...your Mom has lost her whole identity after all these years. What a loving and selfless Mother! This is a terrible loss for your entire family.

We usually think these types of losses bring a family closer together but unfortunately that is not always the case without a lot of help. Each person deals with grief in their own way. Couples sometimes just don't know how to help each other through this sad process.

Hugs and prayers for all of you!
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I've not had your experinaces, but did want to tell you you are on the right track about eventually needing to set boundries with them.... what an awesome loss for your family and especially your mom.... he was her whole identity, and as much as she misses him, who is she now?? I pray you can at least talk your mom into some kind of support group or therapy or meds... she is going to have a horrible time dealing with this, and seems your dad is not helping the situation...
Can you talk to him about this, and let him know she is going to need lots of time to even begin to heal, if she ever does? I think your dad is feeling powerless , again, about being able to help someone he loves,,,, his son and now his wife.... and where are you in all this? How are YOU dealing with the loss of your brother....??? YOU are important here too..... please let us know how things are for you... and if mom gets some help to take a baby step to getting her life back.... sending you lots of prayers and hugs....
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