How can I help the depressed 93 year old women and her husband I am caring for?

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I am the caregiver for a couple she is 93, he is 95. She has become more agitated and argumentative since the holidays. Her arguments with him are most often unreasonable and seem to be based on her wanting him to need her. She has taken a lot of frustration out on me as well. These people are my neighbosr, I have known them for years and love them like my own parents. I try to mediate the arguments and ask her how we can change things so that she will be happier. She says that she will never be happy again. When I cook or clean or do laundry she lashes out at me. She wants to do things she's done for the 69 years they've been married but can no longer do. She is legally blind and uses a walker. How do I avoid the daily confrontation? She has other caregivers as well, but I seem to be the one who gets the brunt of her anger. How do I defuse her anger and stop the endless arguing between her and her husband? I worry that the stress is bad for their health, and it certainly is difficult for me to watch.

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Top Answer
Sometimes you need to treat seniors like kids. Love, firmness kindness The poor dears and poor you obviously they have great qualities for you to care for them so much. Have you talked with the other caregivers about solutions. A friend had a mother who was good tempered but wanted to feel useful and so knitted for hours on a scarf which her daughter took out in the evening otherwise it would be out the door and around the block. The long way of saying find out what she can do and let her do it. Maybe she can clean the bathroom sink, fold towels, peel potatoes, it doesn't need to be perfect but she will feel useful.
Sometimes chatting on the phone to cheer others might help especially if the person is younger she will feel good about herself for helping and having reached such a good age. In the mean time stay cheerful, a positive attitude can rub off.
You have given great ideas as for the knitter the daughter can always pull out the stitches and roll up the yarn and give it back to her or if they can afford to buy more yarn let her make scarfs glore for others my group at our senior center make lap robes and they are donated to nursing homes and VA hospitals and the yarn is donated so a person can knit away and it does not cost them anything even neighbors would love a small blanket to cover their legs during the winter.

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