My 63-year-old mother is trying to take care of her 93-year-old mother. How do I help them since they are both need assistance at home?

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My mother is having a lot of health issues with her neck (had surgery almost 3 yrs. ago) due to degenerative disk arthritis, fibromyalgia and numerous other problems. She is trying to take care of her mother who is 93 yrs old (my grandmother) that lives with her. My grandmother seems to be getting in a state of mind that appears to be deteriorating, taking meds wrong (runs out too soon on some and others has too many left over when she shouldn't is one example), doesn't understand a lot of what is being said to her. I could go on and on. I try to help as much as I can, but I am responsible for 2 disabled kids and can't do a whole lot. I am wondering if there are any agencies in the area that could come in and help them both with some daily activities. They live in the Phenix City, AL area. I am very concerned for both of them, especially my grandmother. She has some mobility issues and refuses to use her walker, she barely wants to use a cane.

Answers 1 to 4 of 4
Yes your local dfacs should have some county information to help you with that. I do not know if u are sending this around Labor Day or not, meaning it might take a week, to et through........Please don't stop, call each and every day until you oare heard, and also call you coucil person and state rep.
Some help is definitely available. Maybe your greatest contribution can be the time-consuming, sometimes frustrating task of finding it and following through. A good place to start might be their county's Social Services department. A social worker can come out, assess the situation, and explain some services that might be available and how to qualify for those services. One service that comes to mind is a visiting nurse who could manage the medications, take vital signs, check on specific symptoms, etc. Maybe meals on wheels would be useful. Perhaps one or both of your loved ones would be eligible for medi-taxi service to get to appointments. I don't know what all is needed or is available, but a professional can help you sort that all out.

I suggest that you attend any appointments that get set up for evaluation. My mother kept denying she needed any help. Ma says: "Oh I can take my own pills. I don't need anyone to set them up for me." Daughter explains: Blood pressure too high, blood pressure pills lasting 3 times as long as they should. Ma says: "I don't need homemaker services. My daughters clean my apartment." Daughter says: "We want to keep visiting as often, but we want to spend the time gossiping with Ma, playing cards, taking her places, not scrubbing her toilet and washing her sheets." I don't know about your mother and grandmother, but it is often hard for elders to admit they need help, so your input to a social worker will be helpful.

Another resource would be your state's Agency on Aging (or whatever it is called there.) There are also disability help lines that might apply.

If Grandma is showing signs of early dementia, the situation is not going to improve. You certainly have your hands full with the disabled kids. Maybe you can let your fingers do the walking and through web sites and phone calls get the ball rolling for in-home help.

Best of luck to you!
Thank you for your response. My mother is actually admitting that she needs some help but my grandmother is adamant that she needs none and can do it all on her own. My mother is open to getting some help and is feeling overwhelmed with it all. I am going to check further and see what I can come across to try and get them the help they need.

Thanks again and God bless.
Well, maybe Grandma can accept the help if it is presented as help for her daughter. She certainly knows of your mother's problems so perhaps that will make help acceptable.

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