I'm sinking into deep caregiver depression. How can I get control of my emotions and the weight on my shoulders?

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Hi, Just found this website and reading all the comments makes me feel so much better alot of my family seem to look down on me when I complain about my life with being with my mother 24/7 saying like she's old what do expect well then of course I start feeling like the worst daughter ever and then I talk to my siblings and they say they understand and they need to help more but just seems like they're just saying the right thing at the time because they don't come around more frequently. Some days I feel like such a b---- I'm grumpy all the time so then I think why would anyone want to come anyway. Then I have feelings of jealousy towards everybody and I don't blame them because I wouldn't want to loose my freedom so I take the burden off of them but the weight of that is tremedous also I try to hide all of this depression from my mother and that gets really heavy to. Just sinking deeper and don't know what to do

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kdutchess11
I'm glad you came here. You can see you aren't alone. But please reach out for help. First, you do sound depressed. Have you seen a doctor for yourself? Caregivers see doctors all the time for their care receiver, but forget themselves.

Also, your siblings don't want to interrupt their lives to help out, so they say the right thing at the right time, but don't do anything. Try telling them exactly what help you need. Let them know that if they don't help out, you'll be hiring help in the form of in-home care for your mom so you can get out a bit, and you will bill them. That is one way they can help!

If that gets you nowhere, or if you just don't want to do that, please check with your county social services or state aging services (type in your state online and fine their main site. Then look for something on aging. Then find a phone number or email where you can get some help). They can direct you to what is available in your area. If your mom is on Medicaid, you may get a little help there.

The main thing is that your current situation is not good for you or your mom. Changes need to be made, and you can only do that by reaching out. Your doctor may even have some suggestions about local resources. The Area Agencies on Aging can be helpful (www.n4a.org).

You are not a bad person for feeling resentful. You have no life for yourself and both of you are suffering for it. Please reach out.
This was a first step, so we'd love to hear back from you.

Take care,
Carol
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