My 80 year old mom moved in with me & my hubby after my dad died because she was afraid to be alone. In fact when dad was in his last few weeks of living she constantly asked, "what about me". Instead of helping me & my brother take care of my dad, she would isolate herself and take sedatives and was always being extra needy or mad. Since I knew how mentally incapable she was to take care of herself, after dad passed I took her and gave her everything anyone could ever want - a nice home with her own bedrooms connecting with her own bathroom, no bills to pay, a housekeeper, nice car (she has very limited driving - just church & sr center routes, which took forever to teach her). She has a nice tv, nice clothes, I took her to movies, on vacation & out to eat every week and she still was never happy. She will cuss you out one minute and act all sweet the next. She can go into rants that are bizarre. She not only stares but whistles ALL the time. She wants 24/7 entertainment & attention - which I can't do because I work - I have a husband and grandchildren and need time to myself occasionally. So i stopped trying to make her happy - or think it was my responsibility to make her happy. So now she stays mad all the time (no change), constantly complains, never picks up after herself, never has to cook, just complains & spies on me. She gets things out of my room when I'm not home - so I started locking bedroom doors - boy that really pissed her off, but I ignored her and just keep doing what I have to so I can have a little privacy. Ugh. I set up & take her to all her doc apps, eye appts, everything but there is no pleasing this woman. But when I think back to when I was growing up she was the same - lived in a pig sty, was hateful and been pretty much crazy her whole life. Never did anything for others just to be nice. Not even me or my brother. I don't remember having a birthday, Christmas, nothing. I never even realized it was unusual to be ignored & i was conditioned to think I was always bad no matter how hard I tried to please her. Dad was a farmer and since we lived on a farm I tried to stay out of the house as much as possible. I really think I must have been adopted & nobody told me. LoL. My Kids & Grandkids, and any extended family avoids her to this day. My husband said she'll outlive us all. Sometimes I wish i could put her away but I don't have the heart. So I'm learning to just ignore her and come & go as I need to without having to answer to her. She knows how to text me during the day if she needs something & she knows where I am (at home) every evening, but I don't try to spend time with her anymore. Now I spend more time on me. But I gotta admit its hard not letting her play the guilt game. She sneaks around in the dark sometimes and watches us when were hanging out - its creepy. If we go out back in the evening and try to relax on the patio or visit with neighbors, she'll turn all the lights off and lock the doors. It's like I love her because I have to & I'll make sure she's always taken care of but I really don't like spending time with her. I avoid her & just like when I was a child, I stay outdoors in the garden, work late - anything to avoid being in my own home. I really miss having my home to myself & wish there was a better solution.