How in the world do I handle all of the emotional and physical stress of dealing with my husband's dementia without help from any family?
I love my husband very much, but get no help from any of his family or mine in his care in any way, shape, or form. I never get a break. I never get a nap. And when I "complain", which to me is just basically crying out for help because I am so exhausted that I cannot even focus on normal every day things, and also have a 14yr old daughter who is having emotional issues, I am pretty much viewed as lazy, incompetent, or just down right selfish by his family. I also deal with his ex wife who is constantly harassing my husband mentally and telling him to divorce me because she wants to gain access to his finances, and I will not allow it. She already gets $800 monthly in child support, $500 monthly in alimony, and is able to claim a portion of his social security due to his 100% service connected disability. I recently re-did my husband's claim and discovered a mistake the VA had made, and it increased his benefits by nearly quadruple the amount he was previously receiving. Since then, it has been nothing but drama and chaos with his ENTIRE family trying to get their hands on "their fair share" of HIS money when he doesn't owe anyone anything. He has a very SEVERE case of dementia caused by a brain injury due to a hemmoraghic stroke while serving in the U.S. Army, and it also left him legally blind. I first came to be his caregiver, but have known him since we were 16 yrs old...we used to be H.S. sweethearts. I just married him in August of 2011, and like I said, every since, it's been nothing but trouble with his family, but especially his ex wife who has since the adjustment in his claim, stressed him out emotionally so much that he has become delusional and is currently in the mental ward at the Houston VA hospital for the 3rd time since August. She is trying to convince him that I am trying to kill him and telling him such horrible things such as I am trying to poison him, etc., and in turn it made him start refusing meds which he desperately needs...ESPECIALLY his anti-seizure medications. I am frustrated, and do not know where to turn for help. The VA only has limited resources and there is nothing I can do legally except file for legal guardianship so that my husband is better protected. I have only found one class/group in Alvin, TX near Brazoria county where I reside that even offers any support group for care givers. I feel completely alone and isolated. I have no friends...no life...and feel as though I am fading fast. I also have health issues of my own. I have a heart condition called Atrial Fibrillation, and it has worsened in the last several months to the point that I sometimes am getting out of breath even just walking across the room. My husband loves me very much, too, but his ex wife uses her children as leverage to play on the guilt he feels for his disabilities and not being able to be the father he once was. She does it full well knowing what a toll it will take on his mind, and then in turn, he gets his thoughts so mixed up, he has violent outbursts, with the last one being where he completely flipped out and was taken to jail for interfering with public duties and then kicking out a Patrol Car window. It has gotten so bad with his ex harassing him that I can no longer even live in the same household as my husband because on my daughter's 14th bday he tried to attack her and choke her. So I live in a separate household and travel back and forth daily to care for my husband and take him to his many appointments at the VA. His family and his ex wife try to make me out to be some horrible monster when all I want is for my husband to have peace of mind enough to live a comfortable life. My 14 yr old also has mental issues and is currently in a treatment facility for PTSD, and has severe emotional outbursts due to trauma from her childhood. So it is very hard for me because I feel as though I am being ripped apart by two of the people I love the very most in life, and there is no one here to help me do any of it! She was sexually assaulted from the ages of 3 to 11 yrs old without my knowledge of it until she began acting out when she was around 12 yrs old. So my life right now is a roller coaster, and I feel like if something doesn't give soon, I will be the one who needs a long term treatment facility to help ME cope with all of this stress. It is entirely too much for one person to bear! I just don't think I can handle things much longer! My house is a complete disaster and I myself am un-kept just because I cannot seem to muster up enough energy to do ANYTHING but worry constantly about my husband and daughter, and I am always on the go...doing things for them, taking care of them, making sure their needs are met, etc. CAN SOMEONE OUT THERE PLEASE JUST GIVE ME SOME GOOD ADVISE OR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT? I AM TRULY FEELING HOPELESS AND JUST PLAIN EXHAUSTED!!! I have exhausted myself in researching and making phone calls to see if I can find a solid support system,too, but to no avail!!!!