My 91 year old mother accuses me of taking and moving her things. How do I handle her accusing me of taking and moving her things?

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This is very common with dementia, and so frustrating. Often it's memory. They don't remember where they put something - it's not where they think it was - so someone took it. But paranoia with Alzheimer's can make this tendency even worse. She does need to be checked out.

Distracting her from the "missing" thing sometimes helps, but sometimes we just have to go with the flow, figure out what may work in any given situation, and move on. If she has Alzheimer's, and is an early enough stage, medication may help. But it's heart breaking to have her think you are taking things. I know. Many of us have been there.
Have mom checked for a form of dementia.That's what is sounds like. She's probably just put whatever she thinks was taken down in a different place. Try this- "Mom, I'm sorry (the thing) is missing. Sometimes a new set of eyes can help in finding things. How about I look for it? You can direct me where to look" Then look with Mom helping you. It becomes an activity if you stop along the way and talk about some of the things you find while looking. Maybe a picture on top of a desk, some other momento that prompts you to ask her a question about the past so she can tell a story about it. It's called "redirection". Give her something else to think about instead of the lost item. Do this as often as needed.
Yes nit5ram09, do have mom check to see if she may have a form or degree of dementia. yes what carole sated is a great way you are calming her down and the same time you are expressing your thoughts. It does happen with some illness, both my grandmother did that many years ago but she was 99 years old, and my mom has the Alzheimers/Dementia, and went through the same thing. I was plan for things being missing, but she was hideing things from herself, my mom was 75 when that started, she is now 88.I am the one who mentioned it to her doctor, I was a complete care giver and good daughter but sometimes I had to bite my myself from not saying anything to upset her. The pictures do help. My mom never had pictures out on display, but I thought it might be a nice thing to cheer her up. I have her room set up in the assisting living of which she is staying now. I also bought a singing bear, of which she loves.You have the chance to ask her a question and get her mind working on some things. When ever my mom ask a question of me about my dad, I simply say we can talk later mom and go to anothe subject. (my dad pass away many years ago). Since you stated you get blamed for missing item also check out to see if she may have someting of yours. My mom would hide the Tv controller, shut the phone off, loose money, foregt she put the keys, of course I was blamed for it all. But I took it with a graing of salt, and turn to another subject. hope this little info will help you out. patrica61
Thanks for all the practical and helpful re-direction tips and techniques. Helps to re-dorect the caregiver, most importantly, to avoid a needless verbal tug-of-war. Your replies suggest simplicity and serenity. Love your wisdom!

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