How do I handle an absentee sibling at my father's funeral?
Dad died Monday, funeral Saturday. I have been the sole 24/7 caregiver for both parents for 3 yrs. Left my home & fiancee & children & grand-children, closed my business, and moved to Fl. to live with parents in tiny condo. My only sibling (brother) has given me 2 one week breaks during this time. He & his family never ever calls us...have shown no love. Now that Dad has died he has had 2 calls to Mom lasting about 2 minutes each leaving her in tears and hanging up on him. He screams at her, tells her to "kiss his a*s" because he feels we haven't treated him right....just crazy in the head behavior. Then he emailed me telling me I am such a B---- and I haven't even talked to him yet.
The problem is this....he and his family want to come to the funeral. Mom wants their love so badly that she will do anything to a hear an I love you. His wife called now because I didn't reply to his nasty email. She wanted us to tell her that we want them to come and she also took the opportunity to let me know that they resent the closeness and involvement I have had with my parents and feel I owe them an apology! My mother just sat there on the phone and didn't come to my defense which hurt me deeply...she needs their love and is afraid to speak up to what is right. My question to you all is how do I handle this situation at the funeral? I plan on being a lady and proper as I can be. But know he will blast us when he can....he does that always to catch people off guard. I don't really want to talk or look at him. A friend of ours talked us yesterday about this and she asked a very good question....why does he even want to come to the funeral of his father after ignoring him for years? She thinks my brother thinks he is going to get something or wants to. Hadn't crossed my mind because I know there is one small inheritance and it goes to Mom. If that is the motivation I am loving it. Anyhow, what do I say to him if he starts trouble, any ideas appreciated.