What can I do when the guilt of wanting my mom to go to the nursing home is so strong that I am going crazy?
My mom is at a point where she must have my undivided attn every minute that I am home. I work 10 hours a day, have a handicapped husband at home as well, and don't have a minute for myself. I hired my daughter to come 3 days a week to "work for' mom. Mom says she can't afford it (she hoards her money and I've tried to reason with her saying she has enough but she can't understand at this point) If she has to pay for something in the house, I will hear about it for a week or more until she forgets.
As if the money part isn't bad enough, when I get home at 6:00pm she has decided that the next 2 hours are hers from the moment I walk in the door. (I go to bed at 8 to get away). I then take care of my husband who sadly, I've been neglecting since mom came to live here. I have a wonderful marriage that I have not been a part of in over a year basically.
I also suffer from severe depression and anxiety. Listening to my mom complain all the time doesn't help this and for some reason she's picked my daughter to be a bad guy most times so I have to hear that as well. She can never do anything right for mom it seems. I have an older brother that hasn't called since July 2011 and doesn't answer his phone or email but mom is determined that she MUST send Christmas presents to his family while complaining about the cost for mine. (we have many birthdays in Dec).So sue me, I had the kids at an expensive time of year! Grandkids are Dec babies also.
I hate to say that I am hoping she gets a little sick in order to go into the hospital. From there I might be able to see about a nursing home but until then, I feel farrrrrrrr too guilty to do that.
I'm starting to see a phsycologist in 2 weeks as I don't think I can handle all of this anymore. I sincerely am at the end of my rope and would love to just crawl up in a cave (okay a warm one), and stay there until this all ends.