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I'm trying to accept the fact that I have to put my Mom in Nursing home. But I feel so guilty and I don't know how to deal with it. I promised her I would take care of her for the rest of her life. But I'm burnout and there is no reasoning with her plus I cannot leave her for one second by herself because she very confused, lost and has no recollections of where things are and how they work. I have to give her instructions even in the bathroom because she thinks it an outhouse and she doesn't move fast enough so it gets messy sometimes. I have been trying to convinced myself that I did all I could and not to feel guilty but the guilt is still there. Any advice????

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Hi teemel1,

There are two articles written by AgingCare.com Editor’s that were already posted in our community. We thought this might answer your caregiving question.

"I Promised My Parents I'd Never Put Them in a Nursing Home"
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/I-Promised-My-Parents-I-d-Never-Put-Them-In-a-Nursing-Home-133904.htm

and
Feel at Peace: Lose the Caregiver Guilt
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/guilt-putting-mom-in-nursing-home-148160.htm

We hope this helps. Please let us know if you need anything else and we look forward to seeing more questions and discussions from you.

Thank you,
Karie H.
The AgingCare.com Team
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Hi Teemel,
You are the daughter, and you will still be seeing to her care when you put your Mother in a care home. You will be visiting her, making sure she is getting what you are paying for, and discussing her daily needs with care givers. You will have have help, instead of "doing all the hands-on work yourself. I went through the same dilemma, but we have to look at the situation figuratively, not literally. YOU have a life you must live, a body you must take care of, and relationships to enjoy besides your Mother. Sometimes we have to make decisions without engaging Emotion. Think about this and make your decision with your practical mind. By the way, the definition of guilt is a 'feeling' from having done something wrong, or failing an obligation. You have nothing to feel guilty about--you are NOT abandoning your Mother, you are getting help with her care so that you can live out YOUR life. We cannot sacrifice our own lives and live their lives for them! This is a huge lesson we are presented with, along with a huge responsibility, and to learn it is a Blessing. Inhale, Exhale, be proud of yourself for giving your Mother the very best AND giving yourself the same. She will be fine. Relax. All the Best!! Christina
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