lillyrae Asked July 2012

What to do when your grandparent refuses to eat?

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MY grandmother yet again has stop eating and is eating very very little. Last year she was put into the hospital twice and this year she did it back in February but later rebounded. It is getting very tiring since she is taking her medicine yet she refuses to eat for no reason and I have to coax her into it. She hasn't eaten a full meal since Wednesday to be exact. Thursday to now Wednesday she just nit picked at her food or didn't eat at all on some days such as Sunday and Monday. I feel like I'm at wits ends with her she refuses medical treatment since she has been cleared of any mental disturbances as and as her POA its very difficult since I'm only 20. I have yet to been able to go out at all this summer as well as land a job since she seem to go into a tantrum in front of a manager or she will simply stop eating as she is doing now. I don't know what else to do since she refuses to pay off any of the doctors from her last hospital stay and I can't pay them myself since I have to go through her 1st and even when I had done that she was very upset. I just don't know what else to do now. Should I try to get her to eat more or should I try to get a doctor in since she's too weak to drive she has some slight twitching and she already fell twice. I feel like giving up on her because she just won't listen at all and even when i tried to get her last doctor in to help her doctor just simply seem not care at all.

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lillyrae Aug 2012
Oh yes, even she agrees about the neighbor she said their negativity will rub off on you if you let it. She's been doing okay just complaining about how cold she is its 60 degrees here but she said she's cold and it causes her knee to hurt. I tried to get her to use a heating pad but she got offended about it and about the heating blanket so I let it alone so I don't know what else to do to help her feel comfortable.
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moonchild Aug 2012
sorry, i posted the above not realizing there was more to read. you did well i see; good job! and i do agree that you should avoid speaking with the neighbor, she appears to be one of the toxic variety. no one needs anyone like that, they suck the life out of you.
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moonchild Aug 2012
I'm don't think that she should have use of a car when she has the possibilities of becoming that confused. The potential for an accident where she and others are harmed is much too great.

But I do want to say that I am amazed at the job you are doing at such a tender age. I also hope that you are able to find her a place in an assisted living facility. You deserve a chance to live your life just taking care of yourself; you have been responsible for too much long enough.
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lillyrae Aug 2012
Here is an long awaited update.
Good news she is home and walking better than ever. the doctor tested her and there is no sign of dementia and her cause of losing her appetite was ulcers which she is prescribed some medicine for that. She is no long on anti-depressants either. She's looking better and is back to normal but we're going to get out of the house more this time. Thank you for the prayers and kindness here :) thanks again!
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lillyrae Jul 2012
Thank you. A good friend of the family told me to just stop talking with her about person things.He said its okay to tell her she's doing good but if she wants to pry into your personal business just tell her you and her have it all sorted out. He said just try to get out there see something new and knowing your grandma she will make sure you get there so no need to worry about that he told me but he said like you said to avoid people who are bringing you down. You don't need anyone putting you down while you're rising up. Thank you again!
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jeannegibbs Jul 2012
The neighbor probably means well ... or maybe not. Who knows? But she isn't doing well. She sounds toxic for your needs. No harm in listening to input from a number of sources. But then you need to think it through carefully on your own and make your own decisions.

Grandma says she is willing to move. When it comes right down to it maybe she will and maybe she won't. But don't base your decisions on the neighbor's predictions!

Try to spend a lot less time with the toxic neighbor. You are doing amazingly well on your own!
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lillyrae Jul 2012
She's doing much much better but she wants to stay a bit longer for physical therapy so she won't hurt herself at home she said. She told me that they kept her in bed and wheeled her around in her wheel chair instead of letting her walk around. I told the doctor how I felt and he talked to her and she said she would like to keep her wheelchair but she wants to move around herself so she can regain her strength before she comes home. A neighbor of mine was telling me to sign her out early while another neighbor said if she wants to stay there for awhile then let her she knows her body better than anyone. So I agreed to let her stay there as long as she is starting to make progress. The doctor also feels that she can still drive as long as she gets out more. We found out that her ulcers came back and thats what caused her losing her appetite as well as the heat. Other than that we had a talk at the hospital and she wants me to go to Cleveland so I can start my life. She said she is willing to move as long as I'll be happy there and she can be close to me if i need anything. However the neighbor form before who said to sign her out early told me that my grandmother won't move and she said not to hold your breathe on it. I told her she wants to go up there and is willing to talk to some realitors and some places there in Cleveland and see where my school is and shopping places and get familiar of the place before we move there, but she kept insisting that my grandmother isn't going to go. She said if she wanted to she would had done that a long time ago and not go now. She kept putting me down about what my goals are and that my boyfriend wants to help out but she said to let him go and do it my on my own and not to rely on anyone to help. Not only did she put me down about having him and letting him help me but about how I have nothing going on for me and even if she passes away she said I won't be able to make it at all regardless of what we have made up for her assets etc...So here I am depressed and wanting to just give up. A part of me wants to keep going as far as I can with or without grandma near me but still be close to her and another part of me just wants to give up completely. She kept telling me to think about what I'm going to school for and how are you going to make a living doing that all of your life and so what if you get into business how are you going to build your foundation if you can't drive her car. She had to compare me to her kids saying how they were lucky to get jobs that pay good but it wasn't what they wanted but she just told me then her son became an engineer and that degree he is working for a big name college. I don't know what to do. Instead of supporting me and saying hey if you can't do that here you can try in Cleveland just go get your dreams but instead this neighbor just put me and my grandmother down.
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jeannegibbs Jul 2012
Thank you for taking the time to keep us updated. Good luck!
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As we age the sweetness tastebuds tend to become the most powerful. If she is not a diabetic and can have sugar, sometimes sweetening her food with a little sugar will make it taste palatable to the elderly.
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lillyrae Jul 2012
Today the social worker finally called me to inform me that they will be transferring her to the hospital me and the doctor talked about being better for us. I also talked to her psychiatrist who thinks she isn't displaying dementia after a series of questions from me. She too is puzzled why they never removed the dementia off of her health record as well as the lack of proof that she even has it. Which raises more questions to me as I asked her why and how. She believes the 1st doctor who seen her the 1st time must have not thoroughly examined her since she was very confused at the hospital before they transferred her to the smaller one. Instead they only did on CATscan that shown no irregularities in her brain. Which as she is I am who and why diagnosed her with dementia without doing multiple scans and waiting for her to be cleared to be able to live by herself. She feels that the doctors who handled my grandmother before might have not done everything they should have done for her. So she is willing to work with the psychologist and psychiatrist at the new hospital. She feels that I do it is her depression from family problems that seem to have taken its toll on her. So I'm hoping the doctors will work with me and her. I haven't called the lawyer yet but I'm still debating over it. Seeing that somewhere there was a lack of communication just as the social agreed with me earlier. I hope as she gets better they will remove it form her health records..
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