How can I get my siblings to understand why mom is leaving me the house?

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Mom has always been very appreciative of my 24/7 care, I am also an RN and work full time weekends. Mom wants to leave me the house. I have 3 living siblings who are concerned it would not be finacially fair to them, FAIR..define that to a caregiver. She has some $ now but it may not last leaving them 0. Mom is perfectly OK with that, my sis is absolutely Not. She said its Not a $ issue, just Not fair issue. Words cannot convey the day in the life of a cregiver. It is not the same as a visit 1x yearly for 1-2 weeks. She cannot get that and feels I am a monster for agreeing to let Mom do this, as if i had any say so. She feels I have made mother make this decision which is so not true. I am grateful mom knows and she feels good about her decision to give me more. Thank you mom for understanding, wish sis did.

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Since your mom is sound of mind, she needs to make this out in a legal form. You and she need to see an estate attorney. You are right that caregiving is not even close to a "visit."

Fair? If your sister wants fairness, she needs to share the caregiving duties or pay someone to do half of what you do. You and your mom obviously have a good relationship. You need to understand this will likely damage your relationship with your sister, maybe for life. But if this is what your mom wants, and if she is mentally able to give consent, then do it legally, and do it soon. You can deal with your sibling issues later. It would be helpful if your mom can see to it your sister is left something of value. Good luck. There's nothing like money issues to divide a family.

Carol
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I agree with mindingyourelders completely. Where is fair when your siblings are not doing any caregiving. I have the same issue although there is no property involved. I've been told by mine she wants the pictures of her kids and the stuff she gave mom People have their priorities in the wrong order these days well I guess it's been like that for eons. I'd rather be you doing what you know is the right thing and as far as fairness goes well life isn't fair is it. As for your relationship with you sister, if all she is concerned about is her share seems you didn't have much of a relationship to begin with and that would be the least of my concerns and let her live with her own decisions. You have nothing to feel guilty about so please don't. Get this done legally and it will be clear sailing.
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Wow, I have the same situation, it's just Moms personal things but my 2 sisters did all the wanting.
They did visit once or twice a year for a couple hours.
I have POA and gave them what Mom ask me to give them-nothing !
As far as I'm concerned, thats what they gave her when she needed.
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Can your mom talk to them for you and make this suggestion that they help pay for the care? If not, then the next best thing is to let your mom make her own decisions in regards to the will, and inheritance. You need to have piece of mind that your doing the right thing, and you should be proud of your ability to give her the best care, you are a special person, and not all people can do what you are doing, including siblings!
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If the house belongs to your Mom, it is her right who she leaves it too. However, she also has to recognised the legal issues involved and make a will and leave it to you legally.

I am sure you cared for her from your heart and she has recognised this, therefore, your siblings should also acknowledge the fact that it is your Mom's decision and that caring is a long standing issue, not a one-off thing, or "I will come visit, when I can find the time" thing.

Anyway Mother knows best and if she things you deserve it, than you do - end of discussion.
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Your mom REALLY needs to see an attorney and get the house thing settled. Is she OK mentally, as in no dementia? If your mom wants to leave you the house, be sure all your legal bases are covered. Be sure your siblings can't claim "undue influence" on your part and contest a will. Perhaps if your mom is serious about the house thing and you can afford taxes, etc, having her transfer the deed to your name now might be an option. You need some very good legal advice here.
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Too late for me. Mom was dx'd with Alzheimers before the two deadbeat sisters showed their true colors. Actually, I don't think it dawned on Mom to do anything other than split the estate 4 ways, even knowing their evil ways. So that's how the will stands.

When the two evil ones were still talking to me, they'd yell at me for spending too much of Mom's (ooppss, THEIR) money on her care. You know in movies where someone says to an evildoer who is getting away with it, "May the Lord have mercy on your soul." Gee is that corny or what? I don't know how many times I say that in my head at the behavior of those two....and their wlling "toadies." One sister gets her daughter and her grandson to do her dirty work for her. May the Lord have...oh heck with it. Lord, don't even bother.
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my mother is narcissistic it is a see saw I take one day at a time and do not depend on or ask for anyones help I don't want it It only confuses the situation I let the chips fall where they may so to speak. It is enough dealing with her and her dramas, laziness and her pain whether real or imaginary I just wanted someone to listen to me that I thought would listen and care (sister) her only remark well she's been like that all her life she isnt going to change now. Well excuse me do I look stupid or something. I know that. but thats okay and I can handle it She will get back what she has given her mother over the years, My brother has given nothing he will get nothing They don't even want to come to her viewing so thats fine to we all have to answer to the Lord one day whether it be good or bad its up to us. I do the best I can Leave my mother alone so she can "enjoy" her self as she thinks she will never die actually my mother is so selfish she wouldn't even help me pay for my fathers funeral either did the siblings as they said it wasn't their business. Thats okay its only money won't be taking that with me either but this time things will be done differently I ordered their flowers for them so they wouldn't have to deal with it as they had to travel well their travel was worse than anything they have ever done in the whole world and could not afford to reimburse me thats fine. I'm over it this time they will be told the events and they can do as they please I know I will. Thanks for trying to help a helpless situation LOL but it really is okay I am okay with what I am doing and I know I am doing what is right and best for my mother whether or not I get along with her. I just do not play her games or plug myself into her energy ever she is always negative and its always towards me or my son She loves her children I am just an acquaintance that she doesn't like I am to much like my father and his mother I am told and thats too bad I don't see anyone else stepping up to the plate because there is no one else. She was never happy with anything and she never will be and I can't make her happy so there you have it. It is what it is. I am happy and live a full life and not one of them are going to pull me down. Thanks again have a good day.
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Your an angel to "let sis off the hook." I guess if she isnt bashing you and acccusatory, making snide remarks behind your back, and upset alrweady that a living great aunt wont be living her anything because she had to go to a nursing home, and worried about the $ from the get go, than i'd be having a relationship with her too. All i hear is what she Wouldd have done if...Unfortunately thats not the case here. You are an angel
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Hi
I 'm the sole caregiver day to day and also my sister and brother also do their visit once a month for a couple hours and then they leave and I'm here with her alone to continue while they go back to their lives, and in the end my mom doesn't have much but a little bit of life insurance will probably only cover funeral costs maybe alittle leftover and I've wondered whats gonna happen if they'll demand their share. Mythinkiing is you deserve the bigger half and if you have the courage to stand up to them and say so go for it because from experience you do deserve more.
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