Irishtwin63 Asked October 2012

How can I get my 39 year old sister to move out of my parent's home?

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My Dad is 73 and starting to have health problems including severe depression from being the sole care giver to his disabled wife. His daughter moved back in with her girlfriend and are asking for money and bringing more stress into the home. They are not helping but hurting my Dad and I want them out.

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Irishtwin63 Nov 2012
That is wonderful information, yes he is a veteran. Thank you!
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If your father is a veteran, he can apply for Aid and Attendance from the Veterans Administration. He can print out a form from any website that helps veterans. My parents, in their 90's, both need 24 hour care and receive $2000 a month from the VA. My sister has hired a caretaker for 24/7 care which costs over $3000 a month but nursing home care would be $7000 a month for each of them.
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Eddie Nov 2012
Her girlfriend or partner? If it's what I think, maybe their lifestyle is adding insult to injury if they're asking for money without doing anything in exchange for it. Your Dad isn't an ATM and needs all the help he can get. If those 2 are trying to get over instead of help him and his wife improve their lot I'd transition their keysters to the nearest curb in a heartbeat. But that's his decision to make.
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ssll66 Nov 2012
It is helpful to all of us when it is shown that amicable resolutions can be worked out.
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Irishtwin63 Nov 2012
Thank you all for our repsonses, they have been very helpful. Just an update, we all met as a family to discuss the living situation in an effort to get all the issues out on the table and come to an amicable resolution. We drafted a Transition Contract for my sister so she understands the expectations and level of support she needs to provide and well.
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Enriched Nov 2012
Melanie,
I think you might be way off base…
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Call adult protected services , if she been asking money from your parents
and causing problem obviously their financial abuse her and who knows what more .
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It's not a matter of what you want but what your father and mother, who own or rent their home, want. In fact, they will tell you it is none of your business. Unlike what some others are suggesting, it would be very inappropriate for you to ask for a power of attorney. Your father may feel depressed about his wife's illness and need to look into respite care but he is not an inbecile or child. You should also not ask to be on their checking account. There is no reason to meddle at all. Dad is a grown man and while you might want to find respite help for him, trying to take over is not appropriate.
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sebring Nov 2012
true, make sure dad does want them out and that they are not helping, but costing him.
make sure they are being accused of freeloading and its real, i know my dad loves to talk smack about me to my sister, boo hoo about how mean i am when im actually not, its just him wanting attention, but ive had a few people belive him, that im 'running him into the poorhouse' his favorite grip, when im actually the one that saved his house.
is there anyway you can go and stay at your dads for about a week and see for yourself whats going on before you accuse someone that may be busting their butt helping him and not harming him?
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Enriched Nov 2012
Hmmmmmmmmm, have you approached power of attorney w/your father [including medical power of attorney] as well as executorship of the estate? It is my understanding that your sister will have to be legally evicted [if she has (obviously) given permission to stay & is claiming that as her primary/mailing address] which gives her 30 days notice before a sheriff shows up & physically removes your sister, her partner & their belongings [the law in Texas…be certain to check in your state]. This could be a very intense 30 days & manipulation [a.k.a. survival/coping skills] will most likely intensify—make sure your parents are safe! You might be spending a LOT of time there until D-Day and co-signing on your dad's checking account would offer much info/balance re: sister asking for $$. Of course, having some form of counseling/professional support on board for you/your family would be strongly advised [cleric, therapist etc…].
Before you go to such radical measures is it all possible to 'play nice' first [which I KNOW is extremely challenging] and ask/offer your sister assistance re: her own mental health [does she suffer from depression?] in the form of resources re: life coaching, financial management, goal setting etc…AND, is she WORKING??? If not, this gives you [more complicated] leverage. Is her partner working???
Please understand that these are 'my' suggestions…I have studied much psychology & have worked w/seniors [life enrichment coordinator, national outreach campaigns/Alzheimer's] BUT I am not a professional/licensed professional and often feel that seeking out that level of assistance to often be the MOST EFFICIENT ROUTE—both emotionally & logistically.
When you mention 'his daughter', is she your half/step sister?
Last but not least, while you are focusing on alleviating this additional stress on your dad, you might consider simultaneously securing mental health assistance & caregiver support for your dad. You could gently/silently announce the 'winds of change' by securing/hiring someone to come in & help your father out maybe once a week, this person can serve as an extra set of eyes & ears. Your father & his wife might actually qualify for some form of home health services—The Senior Source in Dallas is an OUTSTANDING resource, if you are not in Big D, then locate a social worker [begin by inquiring @ whatever hospital servicing your dad/his wife] and start asking a lot of questions. I suggest you keep a spiral w/pockets, possibly in a binder, for all the info including medical, all together in one place & maintain really good notes—including your own thoughts/questions! This empties the 'squirrels running around in your head' out so that you can function in a significantly more healthy/less stressful manner.
Very, VERY best success to you—you will be in my thoughts.
Fiffi
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