How can I get my mother to stop picking on her caregiver?

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This isn't unusual. She is probably feeling anger toward needing care at all, so she is fighting the person who is helping her. It's a difficult thing to deal with, but personalities can enter in, too. If there is a choice of people, you may want to see if the agency or home can switch people to see if that helps.
Thanks Carol,

The problem is that if I ask for someone else our current caregiver will not have a job and I will lose her. She is kind to her and that is very important. My mother's complaints are never regarding mistreatment or not having her needs met. She says that the caregiver sometimes falls asleep while sitting with her and that she leaves her alone while she does housework. She also says that when she calls her she comes. I ask the caregiver to do diferent things with her throughout the day. If she wants to take her out my mother will often say no but if she doesn't ask her then she wants to go out. Luckily my mother can tell me if someone is mean to her but usually it's the other way around. Friends have suggested a nanny cam but I feel that if I have to do that then maybe that person should not even be here. It would create a lot of anxiety for me to be watching the camera while I am at work.
The problem I had was that mom would object to anyone else except me doing the caregiving, didn't trust anyone else. Now that she is in the nursing home she is having to learn to adjust to having someone else help her. She is so mad about being in the nursing home now that she is trying to do everything herself and trying to prove that she can be released to live on her own, and doing things like trying to walk alone without her walker, sooner or later she will fall again if she does not use her walker. Trouble is I have already moved out of the apartment, which was too expensive for me alone to afford, and I can't face moving again and having her control me again after all I have been through taking care of her for five years. I could go on doing this forever, but somewhere I have to draw the line and have my own life. I just hope she will adjust to whatever care she has if they release her to go to assisted living.
Imw your Mom will adjust sometimes it takes longer and you may have to say to her that you can no longer care for her-five years is a long time and there comes a time to think of yourself and to have a life of your own-I had come to that point about two years before I stated it to the social worker I was hoping someone else would bring it up and no one did but when I decided I could no longer care for my husband at home others supported me and he died a few weeks later-if I were you I would not get into caregiving with her again the social worker will know if she can live in assisted living or needs to be in a nursing home I know how hard it is to say I can not do it any longer and stick to your guns you can still be a part of her life if she shows respect to you and does not try to make you feel bad -on your terms-best of luck to you and be good to yourself you sure deserve it.

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