How can I get my wife to go to day care when she refuses and won’t let me hire a sitter? I need some time-off.

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You need help. I know it's hard when she refuses. Can you find some support from outside the house? A faith community leader she respects? Or you could call your local Alzheimer's association and see if they can help you. This isn't good for either of you. Your state's Web site also offers the Family Caregiver Support Program (may be under a different name). Go online to your state's Web site and try to get some support there and with the Alz. association. Good luck.
Carol
I am experiencing the same thing with my mother. We are trying to get her to go to a terrrific facility a couple of days a week for a few hours to give my Dad a break. She is digging in her heels and refusing to go. I'm not sure do I take her out on the pretext of going someplace else and just take her there and leave her?
Some hospice providers provide respite care for caregivers.
It is really difficult to 1) find a good center or good in-home short-term caregiver and then 2) convince the loved one to accept it!

vestoddard, what is your mother's level of understanding of her disabilities? How aware is she of how much caregiving your father does? That may make a difference to how you approach this. My husband has dementia. I work fulltime, from home, and I am his only caregiver. I NEED him outta here a few days a week! Also I think it is good for him at this point to have interactions with other adults, to have someone to tell about his vacation, someone to admire his new shirt, etc. He doesn't agree that the stimulation is good for him, that he needs interactions, etc. I couldn't sell it on that basis. But he does understand that I am doing everything in my power to keep from needing to place him outside of our home, and this is something he can do to help. When we have care conferences there and the social worker asks "why are you using this service," hubby always answers "because Jeanne needs a break."

For someone who can still grasp it, the truth might be the most convincing policy.
lwk, what would happen if you just told your wife you need a break?
LoL, naheaton, you said it more sucintly than I did, but, yeah, tell her you need a break.

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