My mother needs care and needs to live in a nursing home, but my siblings are creating problems with this. How can I get Power of Attorney?

Follow
Share

My mother fell and broke her hip she had surgery the next day. The first part of the following week she was placed in a skilled nursing facility. We were notified she had reached a level that she did not need a skilled nursing facility. We were told she had to have 24 hour a day care or go to assisted living. I had 2 days to figure out what I was going to do. So me and my sister got her in a very nice facility. I was trying to get her on medicaid when my oldest sister went and got her for the weekend. She did not let me my other sister or brothers know she was going to do this or where they would be staying. I have all of my mothers medication and her insurance cards. I was appointed by her as her health care power of attorney. I am sick of my other family members. She can not afford in home care and I have to work. My other sister and brother live out of town. And both have stated they can not help with her physical care. I do not have the papers for power of attorney registered at the court house I live in North Carolina. My mother is not incapacitated how do I get out of power of attorney papers.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
16

Answers

Show:
I agree with Daniel Romero that if your mother is competent, she can still legally sign a durable power of attorney appointing you as her "agent". A software form is better than nothing, but an elder law attorney's form will most typically include additional helpful clauses. For example, in my form I always included the ability to make gifts and do other actions to help qualify the elder person for Medicaid. Without such clauses, you would need to petition the court for similar permission, and that is often denied. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Need legal advice how to get out of power of attorney for her health care.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If your mother is mentally competent, it is up to her to decide who should have power of attorney (if and when one is needed). If she is not competent you must petition family court for conservatorship. You need to seek a lawyer who specializes in elder law. Call your local bar association, you may be able to get a cheap consult to point you in the right direction.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Also call your local social services agency. They may be able to help with in home care while she recuperating.
If your mother wants you to be POA for finances, have an attorney draw up a durable POA for health and finances have your mother sign with a notary. There are self help legal services (Legal Zoom is one) but it is probably best to have an attorney in the state she resides create the document.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I obtained a simple, self explaining Power of Attorney from a cd rom called Quicken Lawyer. I printed it out and on a trip to her bank, we had the banker notarize my mother's signature. I talked about what we were doing and had the banker reinforce the importance of having someone to handle financial matters should she need help with that in the future.

Other family members are a pain, no doubt about that. They have no idea of the time and sanity it takes to deal with an aging parent. My mother has been living with us for 7 years now. We cannot go on vacations or even a day trip without considering what to do with Grandma. We all love our parents but there is a point at which we say "why me? Why do I have to sacrifice my life for this?" My brothers all live in other cities and don't even have their own mother come for a few days. One brother visits to take us to lunch and then leaves...while at lunch he complains about how much the food costs...I rather he not even come to see us. I do believe my marriage and my children and my self growth have all been affected negatively because of my mother being here. She has dementia and is gradually loosing her abilities; she always was a space cadet; she never planned for her retirement or any long term care..she never even learned to drive. She just counted on everyone to do things for her all of her life and now I am stuck with the ending. When she has lost her abilities, I will have to put her in a nursing home with the help of Medicare.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I live in NC too, and it sounds like you are my sister. We had same problem so we had to do joint power of attorney, but I do all the medical stuff because I don't have a job, so my sisters have left it up to me. I don't mind but it's hard to do stuff when you don't have POA. There are many resources to help. (PHYSICIAN is one), sometimes they can intervene to siblings to let the major care giver be POA in order to provide the best care. Also the facility where she is, talk to administrator or social worker and let them know that when other family members come in or want to take your mom out you need to know in order to make sure she is getting meds on time. Your family being out of town may not know the medical side, but since you have been so close you need reassurance that the medical care is consistent in order to provide your mom the best and continued quality of care. GOOD LUCK to you. Sit down and tell your family members you all including your mom need to sit down and iron all this out, all of you want the last years of her life to be as stress free and enjoyable without family strife, find a way to get on common grounds. I FEEL FOR YOU. Will be praying for you and thinking of you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It sounds like that in addition to the legal advice provided above, you also need some emotional support. If you are a religious person, seek out a Stephen Minister from one of your local churches. There are also support groups for care givers. Contact your local hospital and ask to speak with a social worker who can point you in the right direction. It is okay to state in writing to your siblings, that help is needed so that your family can capture some moments of recreation for themselves. If your mom has social security income, some nursing homes may keep her for a weekend while you travel. Don't go it alone any more!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Yes family can be a pain in the butt. My family does not come around but they want to give me advise about what to do about mom. I have POA which we went thru an attorney to get. At first my sister wanted POA over her medical I said fine you make all the decisions. I have been taken care of mom for 11 yrs. now. I told her that I would call her everytime she went to the er and when it was time to do the dnr she could make those decisions. So then she thought it would be better if I had it. We bot have POA of her property which is causing problems. I wish I had never agreed to that. I do all the work and my sibiling just say yes or no. Bull
I hope you get some good advise. Go to an attorney you don't know we went thru my mom attorney and I don't think that was a good choice looking back now.
Good Luck
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The advice that you received from your mom's attny is the same as the advice my aunt's attrny. gave them. It seems to me that trouble will be a party soon. Since you used that attny. minor changes may be more affordable than starting over. Additionally, if your siblings don't object, as your parent to sign a document giving you POA for everything. In most states, a witness and notary is all it takes. This story happens in so many families where one sibling does all the work and the others control decisions. Sorry that it is happening to you. Good luck and keep doing the right thing by your parent.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

mami
Thank-You I will ck into that. But I guess being the youngest does not help things either.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions