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I provide 13 hours of care for my 84-yr old father who has dementia. I am unable to live in his home because I also have a 21 yr old son with autism that can not sleep anywhere but his own bed. The family is paying for people to work the night shift from 8pm to 7am, but for some reason it is expected that I do it because I should. I am on FMLA from my full time job but do not receive any pay and now have received notice that my house is in danger of foreclosure after I have missed one payment.

I am not expecting to receive enough to save my house, but enough to pay for food and gas and my insurance and phone would be nice.

Has anyone else ever been through this? Why is family so opposed to paying me anything? If I was not there they would have to pay someone else. It is not like I do nothing.. I manage the meds, do all the shopping, and cleaning and daytime care including doctors appointments, foot and peri-care, not to mention all the special cooking for his low sodium diet necessary to keep his blood pressure under control.

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If the money is there, you should be paid. It's either that or other members of your family take over your duties or hire someone else so that you can work you other job.
When a caregiver must give up paid work to care for a family member, there's no reason why that person can't be paid as long as the money is there. You should be paid just like the people hired at night. You will have to look into rules for IRS, but there's a certain amount that can be given as a gift and not taxed. I'd check this all out with a qualified CPA so that any money paid out is done so that it passes legal check points and also Medicaid look back tests, should your mom live long enough to exhaust her assets and need Medicaid.
It's unfortunate, but many times siblings don't want the caregiving family member paid because they want to inherit what's left. The money is for you mom's care. If they won't pay you, then you should return to work and they will have to pay someone else. It won't help you to lose everything. You've lost enough already.
Take care,
Carol
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I think you should get some compensation for your caregiving. What makes the other members of the family unable to be there for him? I am caring for my 91 year old mom with dementia. She lives with me in my home. I have taken on the role because I am the one that has alway been there for my mom. But I have a pretty supportive family and they all know what I have sacrificed for her. You need to be compensated, or resentment and frustration will rule you. I finally gave into the idea that mom will never be the person I know and love. She has completely changed and I had to seperate my feelings as her daughter and make myself her caregiver. Payment included...it has made things easier for me. She gets the care she needs in a loving home and I get compensated.
If they feel you are the one that should take care of him...they should be willing to pay you.
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Hi Kattie, I knew that I read something that was related to your question. I actually had it in one of my "following" articles/threads. Here is ONE (I've read more on other threads):

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/charging-family-member-for-caregiving-148890.htm

I'll keep a lookout on more....
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