How do I get over the guilt of leaving my hubby with Alzheimer's Disease for an hour or two, every two weeks?

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I have a sister in nursing home I need to visit.

Answers 1 to 10 of 16
If your husband was in his right frame of mind, would he tell you to go? If the answer is yes, then go do what you have to do. Actually I hope you're getting out more then just a few hours once in awhile. Gotta take care of your mental health too you know.

There should be lots of women like you: dedicated, compassionate, sharing a little love everywhere they go. Guilt comes with the caregiving territory, that's why it's important to do the best you can with what you have. Make every moment with your husband special so you won't have any regrets and spend the rest of your life wondering "What if?"

I also agree that if he were in a better frame of mind he'd want you to visit your sister and take some time to pamper yourself the way you should.

So go ahead girl! ... Live a little. You've earned it.

-- ED
Bless you. Congratulations for having the insight to take some time for yourself. Look at it like this, those few hours away enable and help strengthen you to care for your hubby every day. Take care
well it sounds good but I havent had any time away since Feb. dont look like I will either but thats ok. Just taking it one day at a time the kids are really busy you know.
God Bless you for thinking about me.
If the kids are busy, check to see if there is respite care or Visiting Nurse's Association care available to help watch your husband for the time you need to take care of other obligations. The same way that we can leave a child with a responsible caregiver to take care of needs in the family we can leave a parent or spouse to take care of things. The person may have a bit of a tantrum that we are leaving them (like a child will) but we have other responsibilities to take care of. Have a nice cup of tea or chocolate on the way to visit or sit under a tree for a moment before you go back to get some fresh air. Leaving my autistic son when I had other things that HAD to be done (like my father's funeral) was hard, but we have to have some balance to our lives for all our family members. hugs, helen
Anyone caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's can only GIVE as much as you invest in taking care of YOU. You are like the captain of the ship. If you don't take care of the captain, who is steering this ship on very turbulent waters. . . well the whole vessel and crew are lost. The ship goes down. Get my drift?

How do I know this? My sister and I have been caring for our mom full time, 24/7, for the past year. My sister has been at the stern for almost three years. We're sailing these turbulent waters.
thanks for answering me, I guess its the guit of getting someone else to sit with him thats eating me. The boys are not that busy in fact they both live really close by seven houses down. we gave both our sons a house and still pay the insurance on them. I never see the older of them only on holidays and the other I see at church. They say call me if you need me and I have tried calling and they are always too busy. We provided a good life for them and I guess this is the way we are repaid. Bitter yes I am because their Dad needs to see them and be with them too, not just with me day n and day out. I could go on and on but it only makes me mad and I dont need that. Just please pray for us.
God Bless
My sister and I have NOT hesitated to use adult day care regularly each week. And once a month we use respite care for a 48 hour break. We intend to up this to three days here very shortly.

Let the guilt go. Guilt doesn't serve any purpose when caring for an Alzheimer's patient. It doesn't!!! Let it go and get creative.

I have a niece and nephew in town and they are sometimes available and sometimes not. . . friends are sometimes available sometimes not. I want available people on my team, that's why we use adult day care and respite care. We are paying out of pocket for these services but they are well worth it.

Again, get creative and let the guilt go. It serves NO purpose.
Top Answer
I'm the sole caregiver for my husband and have been for the last four years after retiring early to care for him. His only son lives about an hour from us but doesn't even call. My two sons live out of state. I have hired help 4 hours twice a week. I wouldn't be able to continue to care for him if it weren't for the few hours I'm able to get away. Please don't feel guilty trying to take a little time for yourself. It's the only thing that will keep you going on this very long and sad journey.
Aha - Now I hear you loud and clear. You know perfectly well you are supposed to have some respite and your "guilty" feeling is also that you are ANGRY that your children who live nearby do not do it, while they claim they are willing. Being angry at people you love - especially the ones you raised - is never a comfortable feeling.

BUT - You are entitled to be angry. This is not right. The children may not want to face facts, may be busy, may be just lazy, but none of that makes it right for them to neglect their parents. If they go to church they should know this, Don't just let that root of bitterness take hold, instead pray for strength to do what you need to do. It may be that you, and no one else, must be the one to pin them down, have a family meeting, ask them not IF but WHEN they will help in the next 1-2 weeks, and HOW OFTEN they will do it ongoing. You are not their conscience directly, but you can remove the illusion that all is as it should be and it is just fine that the family is not pulling together and ptiching in at this difficult time, but just letting you do it all yourself. And if they "can't" then they can be notified they are chipping in for the respite care that you really feel would be better delivered by familiar loved ones than paid caregivers anyhow. If they are afraid, have them come over and be with their dad while you are in the house doing other things and maybe showing them anything that they are not familiar or comfortable with. If they still manage to shrug it off or find some excuse you can't immediately counter, then maybe the pastor could help. And if all else fails, then NO GUILT over being angry and NO GUILT hiring and paying for respite for you out of their inheritance. Just my $0.02.

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