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Yea...same kind of scene here too. She loves having company over now that the remodel is done. I do still hear about different things she used to have though. Mom did not rant and rave. over things being gone..she would just sulk. It would come out in other ways. You are darned if you do and darned if you don't. At least there will be less to do later.
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I don't know about you, but at least my hoarding mom was a loving mom!
My mom was such a hoarder, too. She passed away last summer, but I am still dealing with her stuff! When she and my dad were both in the hospital for a few days 2 years ago, us kids were told the house had to be cleaned up for both parents to live there. So, I did it - I went through and cleaned up - 20 truck loads. My mom got out of the hospital before I finished, I didn't have time to sort and save, as we had to rennovate their house, too. It was difficult when mom got home (dad loved the clean house when he saw it) - she cried, she became angry at me, she yelled, she told me I didn't love her, and then some. This went on for about 6 months! Then, she started to laugh (just a little, though) about the situation.
There were a few things that got me through.
First, I didn't trick her - I told her straight out what I did with her stuff and why. She wasn't happy about it, at all! But, I felt better just telling her and I reminded her of what she always told us kids - "I might get mad at you, but I will never stop loving you". Knowing she was mad at me but still loved me was AOK with me!
Second was some patience, I had to really work hard not to get mad, not to yell back, not to say anything at all when she would yell at me about her stuff being discarded.
I went to a "happy place", thought of something else while she was ranting, and then when I knew she was finished, I told her this, "I understand why you are mad, I'm sorry to make you mad, and I love you." Most of the time, she didn't want to hear this, got angrier, walked away. But I said it anyhow and left it at that. Eventually she started to say she was over it, she was ok with what I did, she understood why I did it.
It was hard, but one thing I noticed - while she ranted for 6 months about her stuff being gone, she never seemed to mind the new house! She invited people in to her house to show them the rennovations! And, her house never seemed to get stuff ladened again... crazy, insn't it?!?!
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I agree that one should have help with cleaning,making sure things are safe.With my dad I was amazed he didn't get food poisoning,he didn't want to waste anything.The fridge was my main challege-old food.My sister-in-law would come and throw away things that she considered no-good,my job was always to fish the stuff out of the garbage cans and put it back where it belonged.Now I realized her main motavation was to get things she wanted and to look for the will.
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I have used the same tactic-saying its "somewhere" but it doesn't work very well. My mother is filled with anger and suspicion about it all. Each thing she thinks of (and she spends a lot of time taking inventory in her mind checking off what she has or had) and then asks about is a conspiracy against her and hers. Heck, she arranges things in "her part" of the pantry so that she will know if I take a can that SHE bought. I hate living like this............
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When my grandmother was alive and we, all, had the opportunity to go over to her place and clean--we found receipts from the 1930's and on up. Thank goodness, she lived
on a ground floor apartment. Two of us would stay with my grandmother and distract her in case she heard the window open and close and two or three of us would do the actual eliminating of paper receipts & taking the bags out to the garbage dumpster. We, also, did some actual cleaning. ...but we'd stay over there from early morning--about 10 am to 6 or 7 pm. She was a sweetie, but she was a hoarder.

When my mom got to be where she needed somebody to come in, she wouldn't let us. After she passed away, my son, husband & I went over first and later the other siblings helped clean--but my mother's refrigerator and cupboards were like science experiments. When my MIL went into the nursing home, before she came to live with us, we found lots and lots of expired food cans and even found limburger cheese in the place where she would put her plastic bags. I learned to take expired food cans out of my MIL's house after my mom had died of Diverticulitis. Don't let your relatives tell you 'no' that they don't want you to come in and help clean.
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When we cleaned out my grandmothers house, I took bare min. We live in a two bedroom and are cramed. Sorry to say I down sized alot, only really keep pictures, family heirlooms, and keepsake stuff. Whenever she ask I just jokingly say, "who knows, there so much, it's in the garage or somewhere" It usually works pretty good. I still feel a little quilty bout throwing out her things, to me it was junk, but to her TEASURE! maybe it's my quilt but i know she knows what I did.
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we bought my Mom's condo when we moved here. She would not have been able to keep it. It had been refinanced and not paid off as it should have been. we now realize her husband proobably had to to keep up with her spending. but she always did want the walls out to open it up. She still complained all the way through..I got so I just ignored her and did what I thought was right. Now she loves it. We need to keep gong and get to the baths and bedroom...but that is a different issue. She needs to move to the smaller bedroom...but I do not see that happening soon. They like the mess I think..it is cozy.
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Pirate, I can relate. My Mother hasn't done anything major (and hardly anything minor) in this house in 40 years. Its in a great location, but the eyesore of the neighborhood. Now that the neighbors don't have to deal with her anymore they are all over me, and every little thing I do to improve things she hates and criticizes; she loves living in a dump if only because its the dump she created.....she doesn't even wash her dishes (just rinses them because "hot water is expensive") and I refuse to eat off of them. I have my own.
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My mom's house needs a remodel...only till recently did I realize how bad the main bathroom floor has become. Somehow water has gotten under the lame linoeleum floor tiles and the floor is buckled up a bit. I wish my parents did better upgrades but now the house is really showing it's wear. I have to do so much over there. But when I wanted to start real small like a new garage door...the answer was always NO...!
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yep
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Stuck was it her home you moved into and remodeled over time?
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It took some time, but, we finally decided...we pay the bills...this is our home now and just took over...except her bedroom...shudder...She had issues but now she says...well this is your house now. She resents it but that is her problem...not mine. Thast's just the way it is and how it's going to be...period. It helped that we did a total remodel...so changes had to come with it.
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I'm late to this post, but I totally agree that things need to be worked out before any move. My Mother cannot get over the fact that the house isn't entirely her territory anymore. Never mind that she cannot navigate the stairs-she HATES me because I've taken over space she thinks is hers entirely. She has a nice bedroom and bath on the ground floor, and use of the living room (I never use it) dining area and kitchen, which we "share". Says she is in "prison" and no matter how I've approached it, doesn't want to appy solutions to make her area nicer. The whole living room is full of boxes of her books which she refuses to sort. And no, she won't use the bookshelf we got her etc. Its like she just wants to be miserable and hold on to resentment.
I'm getting onto a rant here-better stop.
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That's for sure.....
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SHUDDER THE THOUGHT...lol....
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Haven't brought it up yet. Thing is we only have 2 bedrms so can't get it ready for her..cause we are in it. I am watching to see if she does ANY quilting...it takes up so much space which we do not have any extra of. If Priate you are moving in with Mom..set the rules first..every time there are changes..there are issues. At least the bath rooms are about the same distance apart here. There are certainly many issues to think of. I did not anticipate enough of them.
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Stuck you just move things nice and easy, one thing at a time. Did you say you've told her about the switch, what did she say?
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Stuck,
I would get the smaller bedroom for her all set up nice and purty and then move her in with all the ooohhs and ahhhhs look how nice it's decorated. The only thing can she handle a smaller bathroom? I was thinking the same thing if I have to move in with my mom, I really need the larger bedroom cause it has a tiny bathroom with a shower (to get ready for work). The smaller bedroom has a hallway bathroom that is around the corner and I am afraid during the night it may take too for her to get to the comode. So I am perplexed as well.
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Doing good, another day after another day....that's all you can do. I took a bunch of 1960's shoes to the Thrift shop the other day...it feels so good to clean out closets!
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Any ideas on the bedroom/bath remodel I would like to get started on??
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no Pirate and it's better that she doesn't!! how ya doing?
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LOL...I think my mom has also been mentioning cleaning out closets....hmmm I wonder if she knows how far ahead of her I am...LOL
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They just do not give up...so glad we now have the attic that is so conveniently packed..
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Here's a kicker for you all:

This weekend I have been planning a garage sale. I've been working on it for 1 1/2 weeks. I told my mom about it last week. She kept calling and asking what I was gonna be selling so I kept repeating and repeating and repeating.

Finally she calls me and says she has some stuff that I can come pick up and sell.

ARE YOU SERIOUS??????? The last time she gave my girlfriend 2 pairs of shoes that she had never worn, she called me and asked me what happened to them so when I explained she'd given them to my girlfriend she had me to call my friend to bring them back. She did the same thing with a jogging suit she'd given her that she gave me because it was too small for her.

Oh by the way she's still looking for that black jogging top.

After I finished laughing I told her to go ahead and keep her stuff because she is an Indian Giver and I'd rather she just have her OWN garage sale.

Go figure!
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More about stuff.....My Mother occupies the master bedroom and bath. We all thought that would be just fine because she was still sewing and quilting and needed the space for all the stuff that goes with those hobbies. Well, she no longer does either...just reads and watches TV and sleeps. My husband and I use the small 3/4 bath and she has 2 sinks and it is so much bigger..also has 2 huge closets. We are stuffed into one walk in closet about half the size of hers. We are thinking how nice it would be to remodel her bathrm as we have now finished the rest of the house in a total remodel. How do I approach the subject of cleaning out her room and moving her into our bedroom so we can finish the remodel(and have a bit more room for us). The task would be monumental but I would rather do it while I still can...I am no spring chicken myself. Or am I just being selfish? I do worry about her ability to keep getting around all the stuff without tripping.
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I'm grossed out by some of the stuff my Mom has stashed, but I leave her alone about most of it. I agree that its just not worth it to tangle with them about it-unless its a danger or a health hazard.
Now that doesn't mean that it doesn't drive me up the wall and that I frequently think "I don't want to live like this". Then I try to imagine that there will come the day when I can hire the "dipsy dumpster" and get some cleanliness and organization back.
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Austin, yes I agree throw away junk but not good memorabilla.
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If anyone has old things like WW11 I hope they show it to the younger generation before it is the forgotten generation they might want to hold on to one or two things I remember my father going off to war at our little train station and crying -I was 4 at the time.
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It's not just moms - I have the same problem with my dad! He won't throw anything away! His house is so cluttered with junky furniture (I wish it was good antiques!) and he refuses to give anything to Good Will. He got mad at me one time and said I wasn't allowed to say "get rid of..." any more! At least, since he started recycling, he doesn't collect yogurt cups any more!
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I suspect for many people it is a control issue instead of being stubborn, or maybe even not being hoarders! For seniors who are losing control of everything and living in a world that has FAR outpaced them, what they have is what they understand! Unless it is a safety issue, truly a safety issue, I vote to let them keep their "stuff" - is it worth the pain and sadness to fight a battle over a THING? There will be time to call 1-800 Junk when they pass away or no longer have the ability to care about "things". The only thing Golden about the Golden Years is their urine, they spend day after day discovering something else they have either lost or are in the process of losing (confidence, security, vision, relationships, roles, control, choices , , , ) that maybe there is some value in not rocking the boat?
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