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My dad is reluctant to move closer to family members to help with my mom's care evn though he can afford to relocate and his no real contact with his neighbors. Any suggestions? She is incontinent and only goes to a day program twice weekly.

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Wait a minute, you didn't say whether they were together, or seperated and your mom lives near you. Sorry if I jumped the gun.
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Barb your dad is happy where he is, and believe it or not, so are you. Let them live where they want and let your dad take care of his wife.
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Are your parents legally divorced or separated?

If not, then he should be pitching in to help with your mother either physically or financially. No one likes the "icky" side of caregiving...but it is time to "man up" and face his responsibilities - it should not be a job left just for the "women folk."
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That's a tough one. If he is where he likes living, has friends, is familiar with his surroundings, it may not be in his best interest to relocate. A change like that is very hard the older we are. Perhaps you should think of other options.
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You can't get anyone to "move closer". Why should he uproot himself and move? Expenses can be covered by him from a distance....by transfer of funds, checks, or scheduled direct deposits. Good luck! Get help with caregiving in the form of Visiting Nurse Association or one of the public/private associations in your area.
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BARB:

As we age, "stability" becomes more important. I'm 50, and have very little contact with my neighbors. My home is my temple, where I can be at peace and free to do whatever I want. Your Dad's probably the same way, so relocation doesn't seem a tantalizing option for him; particularly if he knows he'll be changing Underalls.

I'd follow Spice Cat's suggestions. They're sound and practical. I'm sure your Dad has a kind heart, and he'll be able to pitch in with the expenses. But don't demand, expect, or put pressure on him. That'd only push him further away. Just ... ask.
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Is your Mom living alone or with a family member? If she has the means you could hire home health care to provide her with assistance.

If your Mom has dementia or can not take care of herself, she may need to go into an assisted living facility.

Since your Dad has the means, perhaps he will offer to help with expences.

Blessings,

Karen
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