How do I get my dad to go to a daycare so my mom can go out?

For starters- Don't call it daycare! Tell dad that he is going to the Club or that they need volunteers at the Club and you have signed him up because you will be volunteering too, Go a few times and have the staff send you on "errands"- go out a bit and then come back so he'll see that he's not being abandoned.Over time stretch the "errand" time out until it becomes a drop off pick up time only that you are at the "club". Make sure the staff is in on this and can reassure him that you will be coming back and how grateful they are that they have both of them "volunteering". Hope this works.

Nataly and Dotty have GREAT ideas. I fought with myself for the longest time because I felt taking her to a Day Care Center was doing Mom a dis-service. Finally I broke down and did it. Mom was extatic at having visited exclusively with people her own age and almost instantly began calling it her, 'Women's Club'... though several men were present. From that moment no one in my Mom's presence called it a DCC.

Moreover, the staff gave her a 'job' at the center folding towels, napkins, etc. and helping gather the dishes. That gave her a great sense of value. She believed she worked there and even tried to help other 'guests' if they need assistance in the bathroom. (Obviously in her zeal to be of service, the staff had to keep an eye on her being sure she wasn't too much of a help.)

Try both Nataly and Dotty's suggestions. Likely, the staff is already aware they must make an extra effort at making new people feel at home and feel wanted. During the initial private interview with the staff, make your concerns known to them. Who knows that your Dad might grow to not only enjoy, but look forward to going.

Good luck...

V

This is a tough one for sure! I would suggest that your mom go with your dad a few times so he isn't going and feeling abandoned. Once he gets used the daily activities, the other folks and the activities assistants - he might come to like it! We have a day care program and that is one the best ways to get the person to come! I wish you the best in trying to understand a very difficult situation for everyone involved.

I agree with what everyone has stated so far. Mom has dementia and at first she didn't want to go. Now she loves it. It took awhile and we just took her. No debate, I stayed with her a bit, we only took her for a few hours at first. She needed to go, it is only 2 days a week, but they help give us a break. It is like taking a kid to daycare. You know what is best, you just need to persist. Good luck.

Nataly1 - that's funny you called it the Club. That is exactly what we call our program "The Club" and the clients love it!

I am in the process of getting my mother to go to a "CLUB" so my dad can have some time to do what he likes. My mom was a teaching Nurse for many years so I am planning on telling her she will be volunteering her time to help out. Also my sisters and I will be volunteering so that she will feel comfortable. This is such a hard time for her, and we all know it can be one of us down the road of life. I want to be as gentle as possible for her. I think what helps is remembering that they really are child like. Distraction works great and most times it goes right over their head instead of making them feel worse than they do. Best tip from me though is to be sure not to let them know, if they do something or say something wrong!

Same here...He didn't want to go but now looks forward to it. It is getting out, doing activities meeting folks there age and doing somethings during the day other than TV or sleeping...

Are you in Miami? You may tell him it is a recreational center and the first couple of times have him go with your mom. Once he gets familiarized with the people & the activities then she may start walking out & leaving him there until he feels comfortable to go by himself. If you are in Miami we can help you by bringing them in to our center.It is great.

If you can't get him out, can you get someone to come in?

Good Ideas. firm but gentle pressure. Go with him meet some people, get docs involved...let him know it helps everyone out...