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Please call protective services again. My brother was POA and on mom's account but he hid all her money in different accounts. Protective Services from you local Area on Aging will most definitely investigate. BE PERSISTENT. They got back to me in a couple days so keep trying please. You have to act on behalf of your parent. Protective Services made my brother return all the money and he also had several thousands of dollars unaccounted for.
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I will know more Monday when Dept of Elder Affairs comes to talk with mom about getting her money back in her reach. Thanks!
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yeah. i hold the position that they committted ss fraud by taking your mother's ss check each month. please let us know the outcome.
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Update to original post: I LOVE the Lawrence Welk idea! Thanks sooo much!

Elder Affairs representative called me a few days ago...he doesn't like what's going down here, and is coming to talk with Mom about her rights to her own funds. He fully understandsd that there is a hint of selfish greed here. I spoke wit him last spring too, so he had background on my situation a long time ago. I contacted him to tell him my sister had all moms money tied up and it was causing problems for all of us. So lets see what next week brings. Personally, I'd like to see the money in anyone else's hands but these two women who justify stealing it by accusing me of spending it. Siiiigh. I feel okay with whatever happens. Just as long as they keep their manic mood swings and off the wall accusations away from me.

:) Peace
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Milestones and Memories DVD is the name of it by Lawrence Welk. I bought Moms on Amazon for $59 but they are a lot less now. Its on for hours and its great, I love watching Mom light up when its on. Ink spots? I will have to look that up! haha
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i would lovethe lawrence welk recommendations; my mom is 84 and i got an ink spots cd; i remember my mom and dad had some of their records.
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Shamir, you go girl, take the high road and give mom the best life possible, I am doing the same. Can I recommend Lawrence Welk dvd's to you and some music, my mom cannot really see, understand, walk or talk but her feet go to the music. We sing to her and get a few words out of her with out loud belly laughs which bring tears to our eyes! Your story is so familiar and I went through something so similar. I do have DPOA and a caregivers contract now and they were so worth it
To get the siblings off my back. I Record every penny and hire weekend help for respite. Bless you, hang in there and big kisses to mom.
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Igloo572: That is an excellent example of Sissy 'potential' perspective, and that of others who may view these circumstances, and quite realistic. But inaccurate.
First "blind daughter" has low vision which poses very little issue in Moms care. The only issue concerning Moms care is transportation, and there are means to abide by that suit that purpose quite well. In fact, as truth stands, the ONLY time Sissy spent with Mom was for that sole purpose-- Transport ----with a few exceptions. Just a few years back she'd come and just take her out for a day or bring her something. But I can assure you with absolute confidence and truth from the soul that was All.
I have countless emails, not only from Sissy, but from our other sister as well, expressing the difficulty in caring for Mom. Both sisters admittedly cannot and will not take on such a task as it is just 'too much and too hard" to deal with Mom. They exaggerate how Mom is demanding and unappreciative Mom is and how stubborn she is. The exasperation in their voices when I listen to them as they talk about our mother being so difficult is absolutely uncalled for, as they seem to think their Mom is the epitome of a hard core care case. Neither of these two women have a clue about love--neither have a clue about compassion and heartfelt caring, as one sister has two grown sons--one barely tolerating her at all, and the other son has not spoken to her in many years (10 or more) and shields his family from her. He moved them from FL to GA just to get his children away from her. Sissy, the one I am dealing with here has NO children. She has dogs..and her love is her dogs. She does rescue work, and is very good at her job and responsibilities with care, and placing them in homes. It is not uncommon for her to have 7 to 10 dogs at any given time, including the 5 she owns herself. She is an excellent caretaker--for dogs. Mom, she cannot tolerate and as I said, I have it in writing---over and over again on different dates. And I have heard it with my ears too many times to count.
The nursing home thing was a joke. It was a power play by Sissy. Think what you like--we lived it. We watched as Sissy planted the idea seeds. Mom liked the idea. We kept silent. (We means my husband, and my three adult sons.) We let it play out. Mom was happy for the first few days to a week or so in there...all new, all different--then she got to where she was not even getting out of her room, refusing to get involved with activities and exercise and other people. By the third week, Sissy had completely stopped coming by and that is when she called me and told me she was at wits end. She told me Mom kept calling her to do little things for her and she just didn't have time, didn't have the energy, and was just too overwhelmed with her own stuff. I reminded her mom never needed to go in there.
The nursing home staff had already determined Mom was not in need of their services, and that she never even needed to be admitted in the first place. Mom hand wrote a note to herself that says " I was just told I don't belong here". I still have that note.
Two days after Sissy called me to complain about not having time or energy to go deal with Mom, she called again. This time, she was completely out of her mind! She was crying and told me again she just cannot deal with Mom any long, and then told me she thought by putting Mom in a nursing home she would not have to deal with her any more. At that point Sissy had not visited Mom in several days, and Mom was calling her to pick up this, or please get her that...and Sissy had had enough. She cried that she was done and she couldn't take Mom anymore. I told her I was bringing mom home. And I did.
Sissy voluntarily turned over access to Moms account two weeks later. She told me she was done. She told me she was going to stop interfering in our lives and I could have moms full soc. sec. check to spend as I saw fit for Mom. I felt both relief and apprehension--I knew this was not the real deal..I knew this was not the end of her causing dissention in the family. I never said a word. BUT I already had planned to obtain Representative Payee from Social Security, after all Mom lived with me since 2010 and I had been paying for the majority of her care. I didn't mind. Money would have helped and we did the best we could. Mom never went without. After the little stint in the nursing home, Mom was no longer going to be used as a pawn.
I left the account so Sissy could see just how I did spend Moms money. I had nothing to hide, unlike her. So she could peer into the account any time she wanted. We got Mom treats and healthy foods we normally could not always afford. I paid a few small bills, and got Mom new bras and pads and whatever she mentioned she wanted from Walmart. And we bought her a new MUCH NEEDED bed, and new pillows and coverings. Mom was thrilled, but Sissy was livid. Moms new bed got tuned into 'a whole room full of furniture, and then what next, you whole house too!". Yes, Sissy was mad cos Mom got a bed and I might just decide to furnish the whole house while I am at it. Hmmmm. Welp, here we go! I spent Moms money on things she needed and wanted...it IS her money..and Sissy didn't like that. After all, why wasn't I just saving it? Why do I have to spend every dime of moms money! (There was over 400.00 at the end of the month in August, mind you) .
If you think 'blind daughter' may be lacking in some capacity to care for Mom, then you better think again. This home provides peace, security and love. I do not see Mom in the same light that my sisters do....I see Mom as one of the most benevolent beings on the planet! She is kind, and always says thank you, and she is funny! We laugh alot, we sit together and spend time together. We have a good bond and Mom knows she is well cared for. I never ONCE--EVER batched about caring for Mom to my sisters in the way they have! I just don't see it! Never did! I grow flowers and a huge vegetable garden, for her to see outside her window, and have a regular bird feeder and a hummer feeder there to watch bird theatre all day. She has an excellent life. And she is loved by me, hubby and her three grandsons who all dote on her.
As for spending Moms money down to avoid medicaid, no, that is not what she did. She simply lied about Moms assets. Nothing was spent down. It was hidden. My other sister has it and they can keep it.
These two sisters (both Jehovas Witnesses) have hated each other for many years. I have been the mediator between the two of them for almost 20 years. They cannot get along. They fight and blame each other for the stupidest things!!! and I have listened to both sides. Now that Mom is in my care and Sissy turned the bank account over to me, those two sisters have gotten along pretty darn well. Interesting. They have a nest egg to share. They can have it. I have Moms trust and I get to see her every day and laugh and care for her the way she did me when I was little. If this helps the two of them get along better, so be it.
So Igloo, nice try, just not quite on target. Actually, with the skills and ability to surmise the situation, I'd love to have you over and share some coffee or tea, and maybe with your keen insight, you might be able to show me a perspective on things that would help me cope with the loss of a sister I once trusted and loved dearly, and also cope with the full brunt of caring for an elderly parent without any help (other than money management) from my siblings. Both of my sisters are bi-polar, and are on some serious medications that I think need re-evaluating. I have forgiven them over and over again for the mean and hateful things they say and do, but no more. They both drain my energy and I need it to keep on keeping on. Know what I mean? :)
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UPDATE: Thank you all for your thoughts and insights! I really appreciate it, but it appears since sis's name was on moms account too that there is nothing that can be done about the almost 11,000.00 that was removed.

Yesterday I was completely locked out of moms bank account so I had to get mom to her bank and we closed the account and sis has abosultely no access any longer. There is more distorted crap happening with this, and I will spare you all, just know that you can steal money from somebody you have a joint account with and it's appearantly ok. So nothing I can do to recover what Mom lost, but at least now her Soc. Sec. is 100% protected . I can live with that. My sister has to live with herself. Thanks again for your insights!!

Oh, as for adult protective services, I never got a call back..appearantly stealing a parents money is not that important, and I suppose that is true compared to people with real problems out there!!!
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Perhaps your sister views the situation totally differently & perhaps the attorney's too since you mentioned "they won't touch it w/a 10 ft pole". So say ........

Sissy for the past 2.5 years has been managing mom's finances.

Mom has not objected to Sissy's management. Sissy see's mom regularly and takes her to medical appointments and other outings.

Mom lives with Ann who is handicapped as she is blind & doesn't drive.

Sissy provides mom (& therefore Ann) with debit card for mom's needs.Ann does not ask for personal service contract or other payment (income) for her caregiving. Therefore Sissy does not have to do a 1099 to Ann for the $ spent.

Sissy regularly hears from mom that she (mom) finds living at Ann's worrisome and often feels she is a burden @ Ann's especially since Ann is blind. Mom worries about what would happen in an emergency, etc. Ann can't drive.

Sissy realizes that mom's living @ Ann's will be problematic long term & starts to "spend down" assets for the day that mom needs NH. In 18 mo, Sissy spends 11K or $ 611 a mo. with 8K diverted to an emergency account for mom. Sissy still provides a monthly amount in the debit card for mom's needs during that time for Ann. Sissy pays for mom's expenses - could have paid for insurance, Rx, dentist,glasses, clothing, burial policy, old debt,hearing aides. We don't know what the 3K $ spent on over 18 months.

Mom goes to visit NH and just loves it - staff is astounded to have a resident that
can't wait to move in. Mom passes NH evaluation for medical necessity for NH.

Mom applies for Medicaid. Application passes state review. Whatever Sissy did with assets was acceptable to state NH Medicaid eligibility review.

Sissy moves mom into NH and signs over mom's income for payment, etc as per state's NH Medicaid rules. Sissy feels mom's future care will be secure. Relief.

Ann goes to NH and makes NH discharge mom to her care.

NH contacts Sissy. Sissy is at wits end in having to deal with Ann & feels Ann is not realistic for what is best for mom's long term and her own situation.......

Maybe this isn't Sissy at all but I bet alot of the above is. It is all so very sad as what the focus of all this energy and time should be about what is best over the long haul for mom. Careful what you wish for as Elder Affairs or APS may find that a blind caregiver who cannot drive should not be given this responsibility & then recommends that an outside guardian be named for your mom or names a independent temporary guardian until best suitability is determined legally.

I bet attorney's won't touch it because what Sissy has done would likely be viewed as the best situation for mom's long term needs rather that taking mom out of a NH and into living with a blind daughter no matter how good your intentions are. 8K special account is a very modest amount and could well be the set aside for burial or for dental or 6 - 8 weeks of NH room & board. 3K spent over 18 mo is $ 166 a month, again a modest amount to spend. You said Mom "was excited to move into a NH" which staff can attest to, that doesn't show your acceptance of your mom's expressed feelings. Sissy's spend down could be viewed as a financially savvy & prudent act of a daughter concerned about stability & ability of her mothers care & caregivers. If APS compares living in a skilled & staffed NH vs. living with a perhaps limited ability caregiver, that doesn't look good for you. So really think through all this as evenly as possible.
There's always the other side of every story.
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well I am in a similar situation, but my hands are tied. I live with my mother and her current husband they are good people thank God. but the rest of the family is a real mess I take care of mom and jack all the time except for my full time job and finnacially I am supporting my daughter and her husband for almost 5 years the recession put them out of work. There is very little to no help from her dad. back to the who is in charge of the money my sister is POA after dad died the money from the sale of their home and who knows what else went in to a mutual acct with my brother's name on it that's more than ten years ago now the moneys suppose to going into a trust in my sister name. well my brother can not read are write and his wife does not trust my sister so she threatened my brother with a divorce if he signs and they each have a lawyer. Right now they are in a stale mate. Mom is paying of course for the legal fees not my sister. and my sister has been moving money around from what mom doesn't spend each month almost 40k for the last ten years. Who knows what going on I don't Mom wants us to trust my sister but that's almost impossible, she has done too many things to the rest of us for so long and she does not even try to make amends. I didn't live here when dad died and there was no where else for mom to go. My concern is that with this mess I can't get a legal contract for taking care of the two elderly folks and no one else lifts a finger to help it's all mine. I don't get paid near enough for all the work and time I have to give to keep them healthy and happy. his children don't even ask me how things are. It's a wait and see game. I can't afford a lawyer for myself in this mess. and they think I am getting free room and board instead of live in care. Life is not fair. really not sure what else to do. Living one day at a time.
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I just wanted to reach out and say, what a mess. Hugs to you. Wish I could offer an answer, but I am no attorney. Look into state laws & ask for an attorney that specifically handles The Elderly.
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Omg I would not become POA, your sister is liable for all of that money for mismanagement. If you become POA and know this, you could be liable. Of course an attorney would take this case. You have to get to a lawyer asap and straighten this out, then take Mom home and give her a great life. You will get the money and be okay, but you have to do it the right way, or, you may be in big trouble. Lawyers are free first time and you will eventually need his help and your moms SS or sisters hidden money will pay for it if needed. IN fact, not only will you become DPOA, you could make out a caregivers contract and get paid for doing so. Getting paid really helps you, and for diapers, supplies, food, electric, heat etc. Good luck
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This money could be construed as a "gift" depending on what mother would say and there is a certain amount of time allowed for the transaction before one runs afoul of the laws, but at least a year. I think it might depend on State law. Also many states allow you to keep the home if one goes to assisted living, with the intention of returning to the home.
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how did you get a hold of your moms bank records!!!???? does it show withdrawals and to what account? If so and you can prove your sister did this, all of which is fraud and illegal i would definately file charges...your mom deserves her money for her care until the day she dies, and you deserve, if you want to take it, to be paid for 24/7 care. Please keep us posted.
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in california one is allowed to have 2k in assets
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What your sister did could be illegal.She may need to sit down with Social Services and Medicaid and get a better understanding of how the system works.Was the months bill at the nursing home paid for by Medicaid?Most nursing homes run about $6000 - $8000 per month and assisted living can go from approx.$1500 - $4500 depending on level of care if you are paying out of pocket.I would check first if this bill was paid in full and by who.Nonetheless your mother must spend down all assets before going on Medicaid.Some states allow $1500 in remaining cash (usually in the POA's guardinship account). If they have already paid bills and they find out your mother has assets they will want to be paid back before they cover forward expenses.I really don't understand how your sister could apply for your mother's Medicaid when you are the POA.
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I disagree with the other poster who said your sister spent your moms money down; spending it down means using it for your moms care and needs, not to go in your sisters bank account Your sister was hiding money so your mom would qualify for medicaid which is illegal. Taking an elder ss check is also illegal and it is illegal because the money belongs to your mother and your sister will not give it to you or your mother. You are allowed to have that money for your mom's care esp as POA...your mom may be dental work and who knows what else in the future. This is dispicable.(sp) ....I would start putting papers toether on how much you have spent on your mom in the time she was living with you so you get reimbursed from that money your mom received; namely, as a caregiver 24/7 medicaid allows you to pay yourself.
I don't think that in order to legally get this money you will be able to stay anonymous for too long. I am livid just reading this story of greed and anger towards you by your sister. she sounds like my sister.
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if medicaid finds out that this is your mom's money she will be disqualified from medicaid and they will do something...make you repay it or spend it down on your mother's care. If an attorney won't touch it (why?) and if you have documentation, call adult protective services and report financial elder abuse and let them know you have all the paperwork. however, because they are an entity they may report these funds to medicaid....but i am not sure. There must be a way to get your mom's money. What was your sister doing with her social security check every month; this too is financial abuse at its best. OMG. please keep us posted and if i think of anything else. .....
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Ok. Tough situation. You did the right thing contacting Elder Affairs. I think what your sister did is illegal....depends on the Power of Attorney thing. You can contact your Department of Social Services and ask for Elder Affairs or whatever and tell them suspect there as been some Elder Abuse. This can be anonymous. They should have 24 hours in which to respond, and if they don't, call and don't be so anonymous this time - as it sounds as if your sister does not care. This is a borderline illegal issue on her part as you essentially have the care of your mother without any resources to care for her. Then, if necessary show up at Social Services and rant. I worked for Lutheran Services as a legal guardian for the elderly. I handled accounts, gathering of income and court reports of assets. So I know a bit of what I'm talking about. If Elderly Services doesn't respond, here are some suggestions: Call your attorney or find one, some will work pro bono in these cases, until money is moved upon court order. Ask for Legal Guardianship for your mom. It may cost, but that is legal to use her money for it, because it is in her best interests - if she becomes ill, or needs to go to a facility - of course she will need it. Now, it sounds to me as if your sister has taken the money, "hid" it in an account to "spend down" in order to put her in the nursing home without paying the full nursing home fees. This is legal. . . . but the way she is doing it, is questionable, when it leaves your mom in need or the total burden of her care on you. So, in other words if you are appointed legal guardian, you will have papers, your sister will HAVE to account for what she spent on your mother, the rest of money will be put in a guardianship account for care of your mother by you, though you will have some accounting to do to the court, when you get her assets & income gathered, a simple form, but that is a good thing and not too tedious for someone who is not wealthy. There is nothing worse than relatives that want the money but not the care of an elderly. Stress. This process would relieve your stress. But either Elderly Services through your state or the court needs to be involved. Hope this info helps some.
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