How can I get my mom's money from my sister?

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Mom has lived with me for 2 1/2 years, and until very recently, I had not seen her bank account--my sister managed moms money. Sister recently told me she wanted out and is turning everything over to me, and for me to care for mom how I see best, and she will no longer interfere. (More to that part of the story later). That day (July 17th) was a breakthrough in an enormous struggle between caring for my mother, and my sisters remote-managing our personal lives . Or so I thought....

Sis has held moms bank account for years. I have mom in my home. Sis tried micro-managing our household through moms money, claiming I'd blow it if she didn't, so to keep the peace for moms sake, I kept quiet and let her. We cared for Mom and she had no expenses here.

Sis took thousands over time and set them in a separate account. Mom was my priority and we managed without the use of her Soc. Sec.

Sis only saw mom on occasion for driving her to doc appointments and an afternoon out. Maybe once a month, but one day they stopped at a nursing home and went in. Mom got excited that she'd have all those fun activities and people all around to talk to, so she wanted to go in! The staff told my sister it was the first time they had ever seen anyone who wanted to go to a nursing home! So I cried so much pain when I heard the news.....and kept it to myself. Mom thought she was in hog heaven! And she was relieeved she would no longer be a burden to me...(which she was not, but in her mind, she was).

She went in and I hated my sister for doing that. It was wrong Mom did not belong there.

On the 4th week in the nursing home, my sister called me, expessed how exasperated she was having to run and do things for mom. (I cannot drive, I am legally blind) and she said she was near her wits end. I told her mom never neede3d to go, she can come home any time.

Sis called again two days later--this time so upset she was crying, telling me she has had it! She just can't take the running any longer and it is stressing her so bad she was going to have a nervous breakdown! Then she said to me "I thought if I put Mom in the nursing home I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore!" God as my witness. Hubby heard too.

That did it. I told her mom ws coming home.

I went straight to the Nuring home, told the staff what just happened and started to unravel Mom from the process and get her home. It was gonna be a few days. In the meantime, my sis had applied for Medicaid for Mom, and it was still in the decision process.

Sis emailed me and told me she was turning all moms finances over to me. She was done. She brought all moms personal papaers and documents over. She had these since she paid moms bills and managed her money. She told me I could just take care of Mom as I saw fit and do whatever it took to appease her. Whew, what a relief! This was one happy household when Mom came back home and we were hopefully going to be at peace noww instead of sis butting in and meddling. (What I mean by that is if we used moms debit card for anything, we had to account for it. If she thought we were using it too much, she'd have a cow. She left Mom just a couple hundred dollars in her account each month to get her personal thigs, and she wanted to know where it was spent).

On July 24th, I saw moms account for the first time. I could see back about a year and a half, and money was being moved into sis's personal account. Sis admitted she put mom's money is a separate account (about 7,500.00 to 8,000.00), for safe keeping--in the event Mom "needed something''. But I see over 11,000.00 moved in those months. She said she wants to keep Moms money that she saved for her. She refuses to let me, moms long-time caregiver and now agent for POA, have access to it, yet wants nothing to do with our mother.

When I asked to see this money and its where-abouts, she became extremely irrate, drove over here to my home, told me there was no way in hell I was getting my hands on that money and screamed FU in my face-then punched me. All I wanted was to see it! I had never ever seen her behave like that before!!!! I was shocked. A police report was made and she is barred from this home now.

I told mom..I had to.

It is my desire to continue to provide moms care, without hindrance from another who feels compelled to set our mothers money aside for 'whatever mom needs". I too feel the same, however I see a misguided sense of 'responsibility' in this case. There are many issues that play into this (as you can imagine), and know that these things can and do run deep. (Jealousy, control issues, depression)

Also, Mom has since qualified for Medicaid. I want to tell them what is going on, that sis has stashed moms cash for 'her needs'. whatever that means.

Attorneys won't touch this with a 10 foot pole. It's stupid. It is Moms money. Not hers to keep hidden.

I have contacted Elder Affairs, have not heard anything from them yet. HELP!

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i don't know if you are allowed to pay yourself for the past but going forward you canwhich is why you need an attorney that knows medicaid rules inside and out. some portions of funeral not allowed...again, the attorney is needed so you use the money as medicaid allows. you don't want to be in hot water with them so get the attorney!!!! get the fee requirements of the attorney before they learn the amount of money your mom got from sissy..shop around and ask alot of questions on the phone
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PS you can make out a caregivers contract and get paid for taking care of your Mom with that money as a spend down. Then pay for funeral, supplies on what she needs, etc. Before you know it , the money wil be gone legally and she will qualify for medicaid again. Get to a lawyer, and use your Moms money for that.
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shamir, your gut is telling you whats right. You need to call them and straighten this out because once they find out you could owe it all back, or worse, like who knows what could happen.Give them a call and just do it, its worth the relief of doing whats right. Good Luck
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In CA one qualifies for medicaid if they have 2k or less of assets ...this doesn't include wedding rings etc and my mom still had her condo; i checked will return home on the medicaid application because that was always a possibility. so, therefore you can 1. Tell medicaid what happened. They might have you repay any monies they put out for the NH for your mom for that short period of time, end the medicaid since your mom has assets, and have you use mom's money for her needs now. when you spend down mom's money then you can re apply to medicaid. and yeah, oneday mom may need medicaid. i think medicaid allows you to spend a certain number of dollars on funeral costs, maybe dental, etc. if you put mom's money in your mom's account then you will have to answer to medicaid sooner rather than later...if you did deposit the money in mom's account you have to come forward and tell medicaid what happened and pay up anything you own them. i had suggested not telling medicaid until you figured all of this out. I was never suggesting to keep it but there are allowable expenses...don't get caught now...that will really disqualifity you for future benefits. time to get the ducks in order and report the facts to medicaid. in the meantime, talk to an elder law attorney about what you are allowed to spend the funds on per medicaid;
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Please forgive the typos in the above post. I was writing fast in between job things and didn't have time to edit as well as I could have! :)
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UPDATE 12-27-2012
Well, nearly 6 months later, and after requesting asstance and getting it, this issue is finally over! Sis returned Moms money to her account yesterday.

None of us here have heard a peep from her. But she did the right thing. The Elder Advocte for central FL mediated the whole thing and did a fine job. To Community Legal Services of Central Florida, I give my thanks and much appreciation.

Now comes the second phase. Sis got Mom qualified for Medicaid right before I took over moms finances and became DPOA. She did that when she put Mom in the nursing home. Mom was in one month before sissy gave it all up and didn't want anything more to do with mom....and that is when I brought her back home. She is still on Medicaid and now that the money is returned as it should be, I am in a quandry as to handle all this so Mom does not lose her Medicaid. Or should I just end it? Mom really does not NEED Medicaid, however if she she should ever need to go to a nursing home, the money that was returned will be in question. I will be taking care of mom -pre-needs...if you kow what I eman, but there will be some left over that will still disqualify her should she need Medicaid.

I have had mom here almost three years bow, and the last two I have covered all her living costs and do not charge or make her pay anything. Now I understand from researching that if I don't, she may be disqualified anyway cos she has no expenses!

I don't get it: she gets 1286.00 a month, Medicaid can still deny her nursing home coverage because she has too much money.

I don't feel right about all this and I should feel like a load has been lifted...but I don't. It feels even heavier and for the life of me I can't shake the feeling. That darn money sissy took and finally returned is a PITA and poor Mom can't even do what she wants with it cos now Medicaid will question whatever she does with it.

Okay. Stick me with a fork. I'm Done.
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I just thought that I might add that she probably doesn't have a dime of that money she "saved". You may be beating a dead horse and...lose Medicaid all at the same time. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and it's so sad that people's true colors come out in these situations. I don't have advice for you really but I would tread very lightly if mom really needs Medicaid. Hugs
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thanks, i'll go to BB&B for some for myself.
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Nope! Google Wireless headphones for TV! :) I got Moms at Bed, Bath and Beyond for less than 20.00! :)
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you are right. it is so simple. mom and i hug, touch, hold hands, take naps together side by side, exchange light kisses....that is the one thing angie dickinson said about alzheimer's disease...they want love. i ike the idea for wireless headphones...do you need a special televsion for that? More later. I have been awake since 5 a.m. and i am quickly losing steam.
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