My mother-in-law has been living with my husband and I and his family will not help with anything! How can I get his family more involved?

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Did your spouse ask you before your moved his mother in?
My spouse now has pancreatic cancer himself. My mother in law is in assisted living and I made the rule that she cannot visit with out a caregiver transporting her. A taxi won't deal with the oxygen and walker. Her other son in Colorado has eluded his responsibility for over 30 years, leaving his younger brother with this burden. I have my hands full and I don't want to be left with his mother. My hope is to move to Florida as soon as this ordeal is over.
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ask them to help
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Don't expect things to change. I have two brothers and Mom lives with me. They just visit when it is convient for them and I have asked if either would like Mom for a while they both avoid the subject or give so many explainations as to why. I just know that this is the way it is and you may have to just sit down with your husband and do the list of pros and cons. If your marriage is at risk or if no one else is helping then a group home or assisted living maybe what you have to do. If you can cope with life with Mom then remember speak to your husband and use her income to have help come into the home so it isn't all left to you. Home cleaning or adult caregivers are available. Mom should be using her money to pay for these cost and the other family members should have no comment as to how she spends her money to help with you home expenses if they have not or do not help with Mom.
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Firstly, what does your husband have to say about this? You need to discuss the situation with him if you haven't already. Is your mother in law elderly or sick? Does your husband help? Have either of you told them you needed help and what kind of help? Do they live close to you? You want to avoid disputes within the family, but you also need to speak up in a friendly manner. Do you want your mother in law living with you or do any other members of the family want to take care of her? You need a break and some time and comfort for yourself. You and your husband need to be on the same page and see if the both of you can come up with a way to get the in laws to help out.
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I know your pain first hand. My MIL's family have been no help whats so ever with grandma. (My MIL's mother) I took her in because they don't care and wouldn't think to offer their help to me. And yes they have their hands out and have taken and the poor woman is still here! Like the old saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Same with family that don't want to help! Get some outside help from a good agency for your own health and sanity!! You can scream till your blue in the face that you need help, but they have no clue what it takes to care for someone till they themselves need the help. The world is full of selfish people, and they will never know the joy of just being there for someone in need. Keep your chin up and use your resources to get you through this. An elder law attorney might be a good place to start!! Know your not alone, there are a lot of us out there that are in the same boat as you are. All I can say is your MIL is lucky to have you in her life!
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TALK MONEY! Gets them in a second! Tell them you are getting a caregivers contract made up and you will be getting paid for this care, they will call you quickly. Whos the POA?
They will be there immediately if she dies, for sure, with their hand out. good luck
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One sure way to get the other family members involved is to pass the word that your MIL and your husband are visiting a lawyer and a financial planner to update the Will, define POA for financial and medical matters, and looking into the cost of Assisted Living Facilities in your area--just in case. I am willing to bet you will have a lot more interest in helping out from other family members. BTW-If any of these items have not already been done, they need to be done sooner rather than later. It is a lot easier and far less expensive to set them up correctly from the start than to have to go back and petition the court to revise them.
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Been there done that, i also begged and pleaded with my 9 brothers and sisters to help, nothing. Suggested that even if they all came just once every nine weeks to take her to lunch, to say hello etc it would be a great help, nothing. I have my youngest son going off to college this coming Auguest and have already started begging them to take Mom for a week so I can spend the time with my son, getting him ready and just spending time with him. So far I have gotten all nos and this is 9 months in advance. I have come to believe that what goes around comes around and one day they will understand what they have done. They are teaching their children that parents don't count, so the time will come when they too need their children, think they will be there? Anyway I am sorry I can't tell you everyting will work out, well it will but only because you take care of it. Wish you luck, took me a long time but finaaly had to let it go, was starting to hurt me.
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I have quit my job to move in with my mom and dad after my dad's massive stroke and congestive heart failure. I have one brother, half way around the world. He helped for a month and that was it. Now he is going to have to give money if he can't give time. that's my solution
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I had a wonderful MIL and unfortunatally she took her life due to the stress of my FIL having dementia/alz. She never asked for help and at the time noone even realized what she was dealing with until she was gone, then, my sisnlaw took on the task of her dad she ended up overdoseing due to a combo of her mental health and the stress of his illness. I sure realized then... unfortunately too late... I could have help but noone asked. Then he passed away, Alz took its toll. The whole experience prepared me for my Mom being diagnosed with dementia at 72 drama set it off. I have a sister and a brother(not well himself) my sister has 3 boys on overload and deals with my brothers issues and she was more concerned about money than mom. So I got strength from knowing I am doing what my mom prepared me for, by taking care of me when I was sick, and how she looked after her mom when she was ill. There is no better feeling than doing what is right in your heart. Those who do not make the effort to do so will suffer an empty heart and have to live with an empty soul I would much rather take my soul to my grave than thiers. You will find a peace of mind, heart and soul the others cannot comprehend. Negativity seems to feeds on negativity so try not to let that weaken you. My sister seems to get it when I put a price tag on my efforts and care which I do not take one cent to do. If I tell her what it would cost her out of her pocket like a bill she wakes up but still has an attitude, I believe the attitude is due to her wish that she had the same peace and understanding I have gained, by controlling the ordeal as if she wanted me to fail or fall apart. Ask for help divide duties and if that dosen't work , Figure the cost and send those who won't help a bill. Write down all you do keep records of care, etc. and mail certified copies to them so you have legal paperwork so they can't say we didn't know.
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