My husband will not speak up and stand his ground to his sisters about his mother's care. How can I get him to ask for their help?

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My husbands mother lives with us, she had for 10 years. My husband is the only son and youngest. He has 3 older sisters. Over the 10 years, one of his sisters out of state would have Mom come visit about 1x a year for a few weeks; his other 2 sisters lived less than 20 minutes away and NEVER EVER just came to see her. His one sister has NEVER had Mom to her house over night. Mom's ability to do and go has diminished greatly over the last few years. She has a previous back injury that as she has gotten older has made it harder for her to ride and travel, we deal with bowel and kidney issues on the road, she is blind in one eye from childhood and now her other eye has a degenerative disease that has limited her greatly to where we have have to prepare her meals (she can fix a sandwich, get a drink for herself etc) but can not cook or operate microwave. We have always said anyone is welcome out to see her and spend time with her etc, grandkids and all, but no one ever comes. She was hospitalized in Nov for kidney stones at 76; no one offered to help us etc, we now live 2 1/2 hrs from the sisters and they never call (maybe one of them once a month), have no idea the care and needs she has and now they want her to come stay with one of the daughters for six weeks. I provide most of her care as her daughter in law. I deal with her sugar issues, now her kidney stone issues and altering other things to prevent more problems, I deal with the daily issues of normal living and now they want her so they can enjoy Easter and Mothers Day with her, knowing we wanted to take a vacation (my husband and I) in late May and part of June. Am I wrong to feel that she should not go for 6 weeks, do I have a right to say this? I feel when I tell them things they need to know about her that they think I am not suppose to speak. Am I wrong to think that they should be a little more considerate of us by talking to us instead of just deciding dates to meet THEIR plans. Sometimes Mom gets so depressed about her girls because one will call and promise each month to come get her for a week and then never show. We deal with all that. Seems that each time they all get together all they do is complain about things she says and does, but they don't seem to consider how she feels about being 'abandoned' by them. What can I do? What should I do? My husband will not speak up and stand ground to his sisters, he is way to passive compared to them. Please some good thoughts on this one would help!!

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You are a kind and loving woman and your Mother-in-Law is blessed to have such a wonderful caregiver. I agree with the comments posted that you give them the chance to care for their Mother and you take a well deserved break. In addition to giving them the chance to spend time with their Mother it will likely also be an eye opener to what you face on a daily basis. Hopefully they will then offer more help in the future and you can count on their support when you need respite.
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Thank you all so much!!!! Atleast I know I am not just being a 'b' about all this, I feel my concerns are warranted, but yet, maybe I am being over protective too. I just welcome the break and deal with anything that arises, if it does, as for hubby, you are right, I think during this break...we will have some heart to hearts concerning Mom!! TY TY
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I fear if you DO NOT let her go, and then the sisters may never ask her to come again. That wouldn't be good either. I don't understand why you don't just type out detailed instructions on your mother-in-law's care, and let them take her (if she wants to go). I know you said it's harder for her to travel these days, but eventually she may not be able to travel at all, then you're sunk. Also, I'd make sure she stayed till you got back from your vacation too. That way they can have her when they want, but have to keep her till you come back. And Liliput is right, time that hubby put his big boy pants on and stand up to his sisters. He's not the baby anymore.
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Talk to your husband or, better yet, show him what you have written here. The reason he is so passive is because you provide the majority of your MILs care. Tell him that he either needs to talk to his sisters and get a solid commitment out of them or he can start picking up some of the slack for his mother's care. No one should EVER promise a child or a senior something if there is no intention of following through on it. It would be better if the sisters just kept their mouths shut! So sad...
As far as the vacation is concerned, the main question is: does she want to go? If you have concerns about her health, of course, do not let her go. Also, the sisters absolutely need to coordinate their plans with you two. But your hub HAS to speak up. If you do it they will see it as an intrusion, even though you are caring for THEIR mother.
I think you need to hire in-home help to give you a break or so that you can take a vacation. Or the hub needs to step up and help more. If he doesn't, let him care for his mom for a week while you take a vacation. I get so tired of hearing about people who are taking care of their in-laws when the family is no where in sight.
Take care of yourself...you souldn't have to take on all the responsibility for your MIL.
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