Firstly don't give up on your father, continue to love him and visit and express that he is needed, of value and you and you want him around. That said, a refusal to take meds might indicate less than clear thought and while you might believe him to be mentally ok, he is not. The reason needs to be determined. Has your father shared thoughts in the past about being ill? Be patiient and investigate and do seek the advice of an experienced doctor. Some might involve others to help such as clergy, other children, attorney, friends. Easy does it though. Balance respect with "your desire". It is his life. But, he really needs to understand that his life, the continuation thereof, means the world to you and others. Maybe he has a reason. Know the reason and help to put the reason/objection into context. Just don't push and make him defensive. Love works.
You can't force him to do anything while his mind is clear even when my husband showed signds of dementia the social worker told me I was wrong -yiu might have hie evaluated by his doc and if he says he can make his own decisions and is mind is clear I would report this to social services and just stay away it will only be a stressor for you do not get caught up in his crazeness he enjoys the attention you can call him on occasion and ask how he is then go about your own life he relishes all this attention and probably enjoys making you misserable this type of behaivior is not uncommon, been there done that-
Your father continues to have his right to make his own health care decisions as long as he is mentally capable to do so. Talk to his doctor ask him/her what their opinion is of your fathers mental status.
Doctors don't always have the answer to life's problems. They ALWAYS push a pill down someone's throat and then collect their 150 bucks for the office visit. There are MANY other ways to fight CHF such as diet and exercise.
Have you asked him how the medication makes him feel? Maybe he doesn't like the way it makes him feel, because there are side affects to ALL medication. And to the person who said they would "leave him alone", I bet the person you are taking care of is either dead or wishing they were.
What is the problem? Is he just wanting to die already? If it were my dad, I'd be sitting him down and telling him how selfish he's being. He's still got his brain for crying out loud, he's only got a bad ticker? What a crock that is. And if my dad sill wouldn't take his meds, then I'd leave him alone. I'd REALLY leave him alone by not going to see him, no more visits etc. He can just kill himself, by himself and not make me an accomplice. But then, that's what I would do.
i agree whole heartedly with chadburbage1. he is right on the mark about what to do in this situation. we should never completely abandon our loved ones no matter what. we should always be there for them and let them know how much we care no matter what.
I would encourage you to remember he is an adult... I know that you love him and you want him to take his medication so he will be okay. I have gone thru this with my Mom... take care,J
First of all, you can not and should not FORCE your father to do anything. You did not mention his age, is this a recent diagnosis, are there other health issues, why is he refusing to take his medications? Is your mother still alive? If so, how does she fit into the picture? There are too many unanswered segments to this situation for anyone to give a definitive and knowledgeable response.
That being said, I am wondering if your father is frightened or has given up because he feels his future and outlook are insurmountable? Is he depressed, a common condition in the elderly that might be influencing his thoughts to the negative side, yet something relatively simple to improve. Has the doctor fully explained the disease and prognosis to him?
My father-in-law is 85, has had three by-pass surgeries, two angioplasties, a heart valve replaced, three cardioversions, as well as, CHF. He went deer hunting this fall. It all began in 1982, so there can be a lot of life left even with that diagnosis. It is not without struggle and tons of pills, like 20 plus a day. Maybe your dad just hates swallowing pills. It is getting more and more difficult for my father-in-law to get around and there are side effects. He feels it is worth dealing with all the rough parts to get the good parts in return. However, not all people feel that way. I would suggest you take your father to a good geriatric physician, if he is in that age bracket, and after a complete medical and psychological evaluation, you should discuss and weigh the options with him, as well as, the doctors. In the end, if there are no other medical issues, I think you need to let your father make is own choices with his life. Remember, it is HIS life.
I am sure it is extremely difficult for you and you feel helpless standing by while he refuses to take, what appear to be, the necessary steps to extend his life. You must love him a great deal and want to fight tooth and nail to keep him with you as long as possible. I feel the same about my mother and would go to the ends of the earth to prolong the time I have with her. Yet, having just lived through a six year struggle with my mother-in-law and dementia before she was allowed to find peace and now I am watching my mother, as a hospice patient, slowly slip away while dying with kidney disease and dementia, plus my father-in-law and his issues, believe me, I know how long and hard the road can be for them. What I have finally learned from all of this is that it is still THEIR life; they get to chose how they want to live and die. How would you feel if someone was forcing you to do something against your will? We can encourage them, do tons of research to become knowledgeable about their conditions and share our findings with them, we can speak to medical personnel about all aspects and do our best to help them find peace and hope. However, we can not force them to live if they chose not to, that would be wrong. I could have a feeding tube put in my mother to selfishly extend her time on this earth, but that would be cruel.
Would you be up to having a non-confrontational talk with your father and let him know how much you love him and still have a lot of life you want to share with him? Can you also allow him to openly and honestly share his feelings with you? Then, and most importantly, graciously accept his decision? If he elects to allow nature to take its course, will you honor his wishes and make the very best of every precious moment you have left with him? You may discover his reasons are based on fear or some other emotion that, once discussed and faced, could bring renewed excitement about life and he may just find the will to live and gladly take his medications. Don’t ruin this time fighting and arguing over his choice whether he wants to take his medication or not. Life is too precious to waste. May you both find peace, love and resolution together.
At the hospice where my mom died, they had a bereavement supoprt group and it was mostly widows; I think it helped a lot of them find the value of going on. Maybe that would help your Mom feel like her life could still be worth while and then maybe worth taking medicine. If someone is not taking medicine because it is giving them a side effect they cannot (and maybe SHOULD not) put up with, it is really important to let the doctor know, because there may be a solution like different medicine or something to take it with.
Can you have the drugs made in liquid form and just put in his coffee. He may not be of such sound mind if he refuses to take his meds. Part of the problem may be depression and some professional therapy might be a good idea. When he realizes how important he is to you, perhaps he will do otherwise . The guy up there who said just leave him alone is a jackass. Dad does have rights but if he does not have a basis or rationale for not taking his meds he may need help other than just medical doctor help. Please consider this.
There are MANY other ways to fight CHF such as diet and exercise.
Have you asked him how the medication makes him feel? Maybe he doesn't like the way it makes him feel, because there are side affects to ALL medication. And to the person who said they would "leave him alone", I bet the person you are taking care of is either dead or wishing they were.
That being said, I am wondering if your father is frightened or has given up because he feels his future and outlook are insurmountable? Is he depressed, a common condition in the elderly that might be influencing his thoughts to the negative side, yet something relatively simple to improve. Has the doctor fully explained the disease and prognosis to him?
My father-in-law is 85, has had three by-pass surgeries, two angioplasties, a heart valve replaced, three cardioversions, as well as, CHF. He went deer hunting this fall. It all began in 1982, so there can be a lot of life left even with that diagnosis. It is not without struggle and tons of pills, like 20 plus a day. Maybe your dad just hates swallowing pills. It is getting more and more difficult for my father-in-law to get around and there are side effects. He feels it is worth dealing with all the rough parts to get the good parts in return. However, not all people feel that way. I would suggest you take your father to a good geriatric physician, if he is in that age bracket, and after a complete medical and psychological evaluation, you should discuss and weigh the options with him, as well as, the doctors. In the end, if there are no other medical issues, I think you need to let your father make is own choices with his life. Remember, it is HIS life.
I am sure it is extremely difficult for you and you feel helpless standing by while he refuses to take, what appear to be, the necessary steps to extend his life. You must love him a great deal and want to fight tooth and nail to keep him with you as long as possible. I feel the same about my mother and would go to the ends of the earth to prolong the time I have with her. Yet, having just lived through a six year struggle with my mother-in-law and dementia before she was allowed to find peace and now I am watching my mother, as a hospice patient, slowly slip away while dying with kidney disease and dementia, plus my father-in-law and his issues, believe me, I know how long and hard the road can be for them. What I have finally learned from all of this is that it is still THEIR life; they get to chose how they want to live and die. How would you feel if someone was forcing you to do something against your will? We can encourage them, do tons of research to become knowledgeable about their conditions and share our findings with them, we can speak to medical personnel about all aspects and do our best to help them find peace and hope. However, we can not force them to live if they chose not to, that would be wrong. I could have a feeding tube put in my mother to selfishly extend her time on this earth, but that would be cruel.
Would you be up to having a non-confrontational talk with your father and let him know how much you love him and still have a lot of life you want to share with him? Can you also allow him to openly and honestly share his feelings with you? Then, and most importantly, graciously accept his decision? If he elects to allow nature to take its course, will you honor his wishes and make the very best of every precious moment you have left with him? You may discover his reasons are based on fear or some other emotion that, once discussed and faced, could bring renewed excitement about life and he may just find the will to live and gladly take his medications. Don’t ruin this time fighting and arguing over his choice whether he wants to take his medication or not. Life is too precious to waste. May you both find peace, love and resolution together.
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