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please advise she smells and scratches her head.she is very mean ,however her mind is sharp but no bath/shampoo x one year she is very mean money is no problem,i JUST NEED ADVICE,HELP THANKS,JENNIFER.

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diiones, I see nothing wrong with that. Makes perfect sense.
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Jennifer, the only way our mother will bathe and let us wash her hair is if we give her a drug for agitation. I hate doing it but she is like a lamb on the drug. Nothing else worked for us until this. We take her to a hairdresser to have her hair washed and set about once a month.
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I just tell my mom it's time to take her shower and I use liquid soap like the dial or something else that she likes and it has moisturizer in it so that her skin will be soft. She has a shower 2 times a week and at that time I wash her hair with tee tree shampoo and conditioner. She doesn't like it but she is not going out of the house smelling especially when she attends Adult day care while I work I know that I would be afened if she smells like it some peopledo I try my best to take care of her. I don't want anyone to think that I'm not caring for her. That would be a form of abuse. Dayle from R.I.
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What is it with old people and bathing ??? I really understand what you're going through with your mother. When mine moved in, i put a new bar of Dial soap in her bathroom. After 5 months the word "Dial" was still clear and was never wet. So I removed it. She tells me that she uses pre-moistened towelettes to bathe with. I guess if it works for her and she doesn't have BO its okay for now. Maybe this will work for your situation.
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Wash her!!! Stop asking if someone else can do it. There are associations that will send a CNA or caregiver to your home to bathe her regularly. Go!
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Dayle from RI I would just tell your mom that not taken a bath,shower or washing her hair for a year that she will get a lot of infections that would be hard to cure. I have the same oroblem with my mom but I compromise with her and I tell her if she'll take her bath when she comes out I'll set her hair and she would let me do anything I wanted to do so that she would smell good and she'll agree with me. The only thing she says to me after all is done I feel good and thank You and I loveyou she'hug me and kiss me on my cheek. Also you can tell your mom that if she would let you give her a bath or shower and was her hair lightly you'll take her tlo the hair dresser and have her hair styled,so that she would feel a whole lot better. I also sounds likr she just wants to give up my mom is 86 years old.
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I believe I went through all the posts, but I don't recall the product that Home Health from Hospice uses on my mom which is a waterless shampoo, perhaps you can try that.
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Maybe she is cold in the shower, so make the bath warm for her. Maybe it is a good idea to discuss with her MD of being resistive. Maybe if you don't tell her just take her in the shower and tell her step by step what are doing, sing for her, put some warm water on her legs and slowly move up. Or just use no rinse shampoo and body wash. If she will be resistive nobody will want to work with her. They have the rights to say NO.
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Jennifer I get it! My mom is the same way she will do anything to get out of bathing. It"s worse than trying to get a 2 year old to the bath. She keep complaining of itching and kept putting cream on to stop the itch. Right! Her skin couldn"t breathe get a home health nurse from the county health dept. or a home health agency in there, they can assest the situtation and tell her that she must take care of herself including bathing, eating, meds, house cleaning etc. or she will not be able to stay in her home. That"s what they told my mom, she still fused and cussed, but at least I was able to get her bathed at least twice a week and she stopped itching Does she keep her house clean or cook for herself? Start thinking acout other area that might be tale-tale signs that mom maybe having other issues like dementia or depression and see if you can get her to the doctor. Good Luck.
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I was also startled to see the posts critical of Jennifer, and just want to add that no matter how smart you are, when its your own parents, you just don't see it at first, because your heart does not WANT to see it. My cousin, who is brilliant enough to be fluent in several languages, work on a doctorate in theology, and translate Bible passages form Hebrew did not realize that my aunt (her mom) was losing her judgment, had become a full-fledged hoarder and completely ruined both of their finances, until after she passed on and we started to clean... no, it wasn't "just a little cluttered"...
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Agreed.
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Well Stated Miz.
lovbob
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It is never okay to shame or yell at another caregiver. Jennifer was asking for help and there is probably more to her story that we don't know about. We as caregivers and former caregivers need to know that others need compassion, help, maybe training and knowledge and a kind word.
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Jennifer, I often find myself saying this - in many types of dementia, a person may have fine long term memory and be able to converse, and everyone msitakenly thinks they are still "mentally sharp" but in fact their judgement and reason is very, very impaired. If your mom has decided not to follow normal personal hygeine, and has turned "mean" when she did not used to be or is just a lot worse if she always was...most likely a process of cognitive impairment or decline has taken root. Medical, preferably specialized geriatric evaluation is strongly warranted. There may be correctable medical conditions going on. This is not an easy path for either of you, and I hope you find good support both here and within your own family. God bless...
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tory- ure a sweet kinded person . ur mom is so lucky to have you . shes begin pampered and spoiled ,i can tell shes comfertable . i wish dad owuldnt mind the shower , he used to shower every morning till these past couple years he says no , once in a great while i just kinda shove him in there , now he s so weak and can not stand or walk anymore , i cant get him in the shower . :-( sponge bath is all he s getting .
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My mom lived with my brother for 3 years before she came to live with me last June. She did not take a shower for long periods of time. She smelled so bad and her hair was so greasy. She still does not like to take a shower, but I never give her a choice. I put a long bath chair in the tub - it is half in the tub and half on the bathroom floor (she sits on the end and swings her feet over into the tub and then moves over on the chair into the tub.) I just tell her that I am helping her to the bathroom. After she goes to the bathroom, I just say, "Now sit on this chair and swing your feet over into the tub." I never give her a choice or talk about it beforehand. I get the shower all set up with the chair and towels before I help her in to the bathroom. Then I shower her with a hand held shower massage - she sits on the end of the shower curtain so no water goes out. She just hates it and usually cries and whines the whole time, but I give her a shower every other day and curl her hair. I know she has to feel so much better and she is always squeaky clean, but it does wear her out. Maybe you could try the "surprise attack" like I do. No choices, just orders (in a nice tone). I wash her hair and put the conditioner on it and rinse it. She is able to wash her body with instructions from me what to wash next. Then at the end, she stands up and holds on my arm while I wash her private areas. She always says, "This is so embarrassing." I then ask her if she would rather if my brother was doing it. She laughs and laughs and says, "NOOOOO!" It always makes her forget how embarrassing it is. I always say that my job is to make sure she is Clean, Happy, and Safe in her last years on this earth. I hope this helps you.
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This question hits very close to home! My brother who lives two hours away from me had my ninty year old parents living with him. He called me one day and said that our mother would not shower anymore. I had him contact their dr and then home health was brought in to help her shower twice a week. My brother called me and said that everytime the bath lady came to shower her, she would fight her and then when the shower was over, she would" fire" the bath lady. I started going over and showering her on the weekends. She still didn't want to do it, but I told her it was no different that when I was a child and I didn't want to take a bath. She would "make" me take a bath and then I would feel so much better. Everyone feels better when they are clean! Long story short, my parents ended up moving in with me and I became the bath lady. My mother was afraid of falling so we put a bath chair in the shower. My mother was overwelmed by the effort it took to shower, so I get everything organized and ready (two towels, one to put around her shoulders,and one to dry her. lotion, baby powder for crevises that don't see the sun. toothbrush with paste on it, etc.) When she comes out of the shower I put her on a chair with a towel on it so she can sit down and be comfortable.
My mother "hates" showering, but loves the way she feels after. I always tell her what I am about to do and massage her arms and legs when I put lotion on them. I even warm the lotion in the microwave in the wintertime so it goes on toasty warm. When my mother tries to talk me out of showering (every time!) I patiently tell her I know her standard of being clean and it is my responsibility to keep her up to that standard! Just some of my suggestions. Good luck to you!
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i agree with evalena . my dad hasent showered in six mos , but he gets alot of sponge bath , begin so old and body aches and they hurt they do not want to get in no shower , i know i wouldnt ,, in fact im not a shower person im more of a bath person . i love soakin in the tub ,
when i get old you guys ! i wont take no shower ill fight it if ihave to .

leave that poor old woman alone . give her wash rag and tell her to wash up , its good enuff ....
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If she's mobile, treat her to a girls day at the salon. Full works, including mani-pedi, hair wash,cut and style, and massage, or even better, hydrotherapy (that would help get the bath part done) or vichy shower.
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I took care of someones 97 yr old Mom but the daugher who hired me needed me more that the Mom. She washed with paper towls and at the sink it took some coaching but I got her in the tub with a shower chair and bathed her and she also had not wash her hair in long time. The biggest problem was she was sick and on medication. She wasn't able to make good judgements about her life let alone her Mom's but with time and patients we got a schedule and it worked.
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DON'T BE SO HARD ON HER MAYBE SHE DOES SPONGE BATHS
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Jennifer how the heck could anyone let their mother go without a bath or wash their hair for a year. How did you just come to notice that? Was this the first time you had been around her? I am at a lost.
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WELL....sometimes its not good it depends she has not responding yet so lets see what she says there no need to be upset were all here to vent and give adivce and to help people who having trying times with their love ones...she maybe already seeing a pysch.
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What is so insulting about telling someone they need to see a psychiatrists? There are lots of crazy people out there who need help!
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hey im fine with it it doesnt bother me she was asking for advice but hey speak your mine my mom always told me to.. and sometime people dnt want to hear it but you will say it anyway i have family memebers mad at me for saying what on my mind and speak it
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Yes, of course, no problem msdiva. You are a very sweet person. However, I stand by my words. Thank you, Jam. I have gotten lots of hugs today. Seriously, I would like to hear from Jennifer with the surpassed cortex.
Seeme: often, in school I would sense that others wanted to raise their hands to ask a question, but were afraid of looking stupid. I have never been afraid of raising my hand and asking the question. Let's not sugar-coat the bs here, OK?
I won't respond again to a question like this, but did you ever think: This is exactly what she NEEDS to hear?
go ahead and click "report the post", I'll live with it. Love you guys!
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Come home Christina......we will give you a hug sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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sorry about my mispelling
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Well christina i wnt let you words upset me and im sure no one else does either but there are people out there are like that and i agree with somethings you say but setting here codeming someone is not the answere o.k. we vent our here but we do not condemed anyone on here tellind her she need to see a psychuatrist is not the answer please do not condemed or badger anyone we all our having tought times with a our love ones..its not easy actually you never know what you will do when you get up in a age used to doing things and you just stop its not that easy
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Christina, you are a blast! I was thinking the same thing. Who would put up with that for a year??? doesn't sound realistic. Something is missing from this story.
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