Priscilla, who's paying for his care at the nursing home? Is it his wife or her daughter?
What was the basis for his placement there?
Has anyone thought about contacting a local organization of Spanish speaking people, or the Spanish consulate to provide a Spanish speaking person who can converse with him and find out what's going on?
My uncle was put in a nursing home by his wife telling him to sign a false statement that her daughter, made up about his health. He is illiterate, doesn't speak, or write english or spanish, write or read it. What can he do to get out of the nursing home. He is of sound and mind.
My husband was taking care of his mom for 6 years with no help from his family.So he placed her in a nursing home she has Damentia/Alzheimer's and it's getting worse.So now his sister who never been there trying to go behind his back to remove her is there anything we can do cause if we couldn't handle her I know she can't plus he have POA
Flo, your brother may be wrong, but he is the one your mother chose to give the authority to make decisions.
Nursing home do not take people who don't meet their standards of need. You may think that "she isn't that bad yet" but she is definitely bad enough to qualify for nursing home care.
You don't like the nursing home? Tough. Sorry, but taking care of elders involves doing many things we "don't like." If you are not willing to spend a lot of time with her where she is, I wonder how realistic you are being about what you could do if she lived with you?
Healthcare POA gets to make the decision. He did. The NH facility has to validate the need for NH. They did. Your only recourse here would be to convince your brother to change his mind.
Please visit and care for your mother where she is!
(Or as we said in 60s, Bloom where you are planted now.)
flodarling, may I ask why your Mom was in a nursing home to begin with?
I agree with Jeanne who also suggested while your Mom is still at the nursing home, that you stay there with her.... I suggested to stay for 48 hours, yes even though the night [if allowed], to get a better understanding how much care she would need. And you just watch. You might be surprised how much work is involved. I could be more than what you and an occasional Aide can do.
My Mom was in long-term-care, she couldn't walk or stand, and was very confused most of the time. I knew in my mind there was no way I could bring my Mom home for me to take care of her. For one, I wouldn't be able to lift her. I would be burnt out in less than a month. Then what? Be placed on a waiting list for the next available nursing home bed knowing that hospitals have first priority?
Flo, the reason I asked about staging is this: can you do this for 3 months? Can you do it for three years? Point is, "cancer" doesnt tell you much. Talk to the oncologist about whether she is eligible for hospice care, and think about how much you can do physically for your mom.
I understand that it's hard to see your mom in a diaper. Do you feel that she would not need them at home? How much of what you are seeing is due to the fact that she's in a nursing home, and how much is due to the fact that she has a terrible, life limiting illness.
How heartbreaking! Seeing your mother like this in her home or your home would probably not much better than seeing her like this in a skilled nursing facility.
You are sure that you can take care of her, and that may be perfectly true. Have you seen what they do for your mother over the course of a day and night? Are you retired? Single? Strong? Healthy?
I cannot imagine being "happy" with cancer, but it may be true that your mother would be less unhappy with you than in a facility.
If your mother wants to leave and be with you, and you can demonstrate that you have a viable plan for taking care of her, I don't know why that cannot happen.
Is there anyone who would object? Siblings? Other relatives?
my mom has just been diagnosed with liver cancer she is 90 years old and we chose not to have a biopsy done feeling it would not be good for her when she was in hospital she w2as more awake they got her up to go to the bathroom she seemed more alert in this nursing home they are giving her oxi and they have her in a diaper and i hate seeing my mom like that in want her to be with me orn i would move into her apartment with her with help from an aide a fews hours a day or twice a week or whatever i know i can take care of her and i know she cannot be happy in this nursing facility
Remote, underprivileged and poor economic areas. Like Memphis. With my mother receiving chemo, the only 'rehab facility' available to take her to (once the hospital released her) was a place called "The Highlands". Turned out, that place was worse that I can bring myself to describe without punching my laptop repeatedly. And once they got wind that we were trying to get her out, her treatment got WORSE.
Evelyn, is anyone else involved in your brother's care? Wife, parent, guardian? If you are his next of kin, it should be comparatively straightforward in that what you do is research NHs in the area, visit three or four that you like the look of, and see if they appear to provide more specialist care than he is currently getting. Then you book his place, agree the funding and transfer him.
However. How detailed is your understanding of what landed your brother in hospital and what his prognosis is? Low sodium doesn't happen on its own: what was the cause? Next question: how is your brother's care funded, and who has control of his finances?
It is good that your brother has you as his advocate, and you should continue to press the facility to pay closer attention to his needs. But before you assume he'd be better off somewhere else, make sure you have a detailed grasp of what is possible in terms of his progress.
Hi I have a brother in a nursing home and he needs long term care. The thing is that I do not like that nursing home for the reasons being that they are not trying to help him get better. I mean that he needs intense physical therapy and speech therapy. The therapy that he is getting is sitting in a chair a little bit of walking (and I mean little bit) and that's it. The doctor does not visit him on a regular basis, he doesn't provide medical checkups. I had to suggest to the doctor to setup an appointment for a neurologist and a dentist. I do not like this nursing home because I do not think they are giving him the special care that he needs. So I need to know if anybody has any ideas of how I can get him transferred to another facility. My brother had very low sodium and he ended up in the hospital so it affected his brain. He can't walk or talk. But he is not getting the proper care that he needs in this facility. So I want to get him transferred.
My mother has problems close to dementia and she is quickly getting worse...she lives with her boyfriend who has her wait on him hand and foot and uses her to make my life hell I want to get her out of that situation and somewhere where she'll at least be given medical care which she isn't getting now because he doesn't want her to have it. But I've been told that if I put her in care that he can just come a long behind me and sign her back out...is this true?? Also I would go to court and get everything done legally but I just can't afford it...and her boyfriend has been getting her to do things to cause trouble for me for over half a year now...what can I do? to get this stopped and to get her out of there?
my mom went in with just a uti infection and that is all the doctors told me, the main reason I put her in, and she has deminta, and she is being fed soft food when the doc said she should be off it in a week, and the nursing home is still feeding her baby food as she calls it for a month
What was the basis for his placement there?
Has anyone thought about contacting a local organization of Spanish speaking people, or the Spanish consulate to provide a Spanish speaking person who can converse with him and find out what's going on?
Maybe Flo is concerned with the care her mom would get when she is not around.
Nursing home do not take people who don't meet their standards of need. You may think that "she isn't that bad yet" but she is definitely bad enough to qualify for nursing home care.
You don't like the nursing home? Tough. Sorry, but taking care of elders involves doing many things we "don't like." If you are not willing to spend a lot of time with her where she is, I wonder how realistic you are being about what you could do if she lived with you?
Healthcare POA gets to make the decision. He did. The NH facility has to validate the need for NH. They did. Your only recourse here would be to convince your brother to change his mind.
Please visit and care for your mother where she is!
(Or as we said in 60s, Bloom where you are planted now.)
I agree with Jeanne who also suggested while your Mom is still at the nursing home, that you stay there with her.... I suggested to stay for 48 hours, yes even though the night [if allowed], to get a better understanding how much care she would need. And you just watch. You might be surprised how much work is involved. I could be more than what you and an occasional Aide can do.
My Mom was in long-term-care, she couldn't walk or stand, and was very confused most of the time. I knew in my mind there was no way I could bring my Mom home for me to take care of her. For one, I wouldn't be able to lift her. I would be burnt out in less than a month. Then what? Be placed on a waiting list for the next available nursing home bed knowing that hospitals have first priority?
I understand that it's hard to see your mom in a diaper. Do you feel that she would not need them at home? How much of what you are seeing is due to the fact that she's in a nursing home, and how much is due to the fact that she has a terrible, life limiting illness.
here and there i can take care of my mom
You are sure that you can take care of her, and that may be perfectly true. Have you seen what they do for your mother over the course of a day and night? Are you retired? Single? Strong? Healthy?
I cannot imagine being "happy" with cancer, but it may be true that your mother would be less unhappy with you than in a facility.
If your mother wants to leave and be with you, and you can demonstrate that you have a viable plan for taking care of her, I don't know why that cannot happen.
Is there anyone who would object? Siblings? Other relatives?
However. How detailed is your understanding of what landed your brother in hospital and what his prognosis is? Low sodium doesn't happen on its own: what was the cause? Next question: how is your brother's care funded, and who has control of his finances?
It is good that your brother has you as his advocate, and you should continue to press the facility to pay closer attention to his needs. But before you assume he'd be better off somewhere else, make sure you have a detailed grasp of what is possible in terms of his progress.