My mom came to live with us 8 years ago and is a very spry 94-years-old. My brother lives only 5 miles from us, but refuses to take her for the summer. How can we get him on board?

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Getting respite care for your mom seems to be the best solution, Judykins. I hope you can get it. You, your husband, and your marriage deserve it, I think. Please let us know what happens and who pays for the respite care.
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Not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver.If that is your brother's position, there is nothing you can do.
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54i, by the way what makes you think I am not taking care of an elderly parent? I am on your side, not the other way around. That is why callmeishmael touched a nerve. Take care
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54i, you misunderstand my comments. I was responding to callmeishmael. His remarks were not kind. I meant, the "brother" is wanting a free pass not the poor caregiver. She is a saint, callmeishmael, made a crack about non working caregivers, read his remarks. The caregiver needs "me time". Sorry but I think you misunderstood. :)
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Are there in-home caregiver possibilities that would work for her? Can she be left alone? Would one daytime caregiver for 8 hours who could fix meals be sufficient? Or would you want someone available on the overnight and maybe meals on wheels? I dunno what all your options might be. If going to a respite care place is best, does she have friends (or do you have friends) who might take her to lunch once or twice a week or do something to get her out of her room? Just brainstorming here.
And the stuff with your brother sounds a bit like a divorce situation where one parent is being selfish, and as hard as it is, you just have to quit expecting anything of the selfish one and do your best to keep the child (in the divorce situation it's a child, in your situation it's your mother) out of the middle.
Good luck. Safe travels.
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Thanks, again, for all your comments. You're right ... I would not want to stay with someone who didn't want me. We live in the Florida panhandle and in our area there are only 2 or 3 places for respite care. I'm not sure how Mom would interact with the other residents. She doesn't think or act like she is 94. She comments on people 15 years younger than her as "old person". No one can believe that she is 94. I'm afraid she's going to think we're "putting her out to pasture". But I will stress to her that it's just while we're gone that she will be there. Thanks, again, you guys are great!
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See, Judy, you're not alone...in many respects, but on this particular subject, you've definitely got company. I think every family has at least one. We do! My brother-in-law, who is single (widowed) with a teenage son, lives at St. George Island (about 90 miles from where we are in Tallahassee). We often hear from folks that they've seen him in town...oh, at the Harley-Davidson place buying a new Harley, or shopping at the mall. He RARELY calls; does not acknowledge any occasions or holidays. When he does come...Christmas before last, he, his girlfriend, and son came late Christmas Eve, stayed until we fed them (they never bring a thing or offer to help!)...so sad. Then they "ate and ran" as they took "leftovers" home with them. My mother in law and my deceased father in law adopted both of these boys as infants. Gave them both a wonderful life--spoiled them, really. The way we see it is that they gave and it's our time to give back. Hard to believe when kids are raised by the same people they can be so different! The last time my husband saw his brother, sometime early last year, he stopped by while he was "in town"...his mission? To find out what's in Mom's will. He specifically wanted to know who gets Mom's house. There ya go...that's what it's about for him. People like him and all these other siblings who are just selfish and self-centered have NO clue what any of us are going through. Even if he offered to stay with her for a day, he'd have no idea what all that entails...who her doctors are, what meds she takes and when, what she eats, when she eats, when she gets up, when she goes to bed...nothing...he knows nothing; and, well, we guess he doesn't want to. The way we look at it is that it is HIS loss; he will probably be the one crying the loudest when she's gone; he's missing out on a lot! May God have mercy on him...and God bless us one and all who are in this place.

So, sorry, but more than likely your brother is just NOT going to help and you can't make him! So be it...hang in there! Great group of people here to talk to and vent to and receive support from...my lucky day when I "happened" to find them here! Welcome!
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Hello Friends,
Everyone is touchy on this job once in a while. RE: the callous remark by "call me ick, I'm ill". He's is touchy too, but in a passive aggressive way, attacking fellow caregivers instead of bonding or aligning with us. He is one of those "ring the doorbell and run" guys.
Let's help each other, give credit where credit is due, and ignore the AHs who don't like to play by the rules. See where I'm coming from? Don't let another caregiver get under your skin. He needs help!!! We all need help:) hugs, christina
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to Madge1 she was not asking for a free pass. Just some as you call it ME TIME.
Taking care of your own children and a sick parent, or other is not the same. You can usually reason with your children but with someone with AD forget it. I know because I am there. Sorry your nerves are so touchy. Try walking in our shoes for just an hour or two.
Hope you have lots of me time today .
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Callmeishmael, some of those non working crafting women gave up careers, businesses, LIVES, to take care of a parent. I was by no means a crafting lady. We've come very close to losing our home, we have one vehicle (a 1998 model) struggle to help put our son through college (thank God for pell grants & student loans), and eat lots of past because it's cheap! I can't even entertain the idea of sending our high school child to drivers Ed. This is not what we had planned! I left behind an 80k year job to do this! How dare you say that before this mostof us lunched with the ladies and sported matching sweater sets! You're posting on the wrong board if this is really what you think!
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