I don't think it's safe for mom to live by herself, but I can't afford assisted living and nursing homes won't accept her because she's too young. What do I do?


My mother is 59 years old, she has bi-polar and her disease has gotten worse in the years and now we are constantly having to admit her to the hospital because she becomes so delusional and paranoid and she stops taking her meds. I had rented her a studio apartment which I was paying all the bills and rent and I was asked to move her out becuase she destroyed the apartment and now she's in the hospital again and I don't think it's safe for her to live by herself once she gets discharged and I can't afford an assisted living facility and most nursing homes in my area won't accept her because she's too young. What do I do?

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Wow, you are certainly a trooper. She will probably get progressively worse as she ages so please consider that while making choices. Can her Dr opt for a medication that is administered daily or weekly at a clinic or by injection at Dr office? The only reason I am not saying administered by you at home is because of the fight you will open yourself to daily when trying to give her the meds. Good Luck and much love.
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I have nothing to add to the experience Igloo shared, but I do want to offer warm hugs. This is a very, very heartbreaking situation you are in.
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Leticia - 59 is so young. My goodness you could be looking a decades of caregiving for her. imho alot of this depends on what you feel you can do and can commit to doing for years and years and years possibly. I know this doesn't sound very kum-ba-ya but do you want to make the bipolar yo-yo that all things mom has become what you spend your 30's, 40's, 50's doing? I know I would not do it and would not expect my children to do that for me.

Depending on what state you are in, your choices might be limited and so much of this really depends on how much legal you want to give up. Your mom could be declared a "ward of the state" and you probably could get an emergency decree done based on her mental state. This would be a legal action and done in court and the judge will likely appoint a outside guardian on a temporary basis to get her into a facility and then for a few months afterwards.But they will be in charge of the situation. But a court appointed guardian can often get doors opened easier than an individual can and secure payment for services through state programs.

If she is in the hospital, I'd go down and speak with social services asap to see what resources they can set you up to speak to. They deal with these sort of issues all the time, use their expertise and experience. They also will know which doc's are more flexible in working with & providing the documentaion needed by families on these issues.

One of my closest friends sister is bipolar - she is lovely and was a talented artist - but cannot function in society or hold a job. They had been going through the yo-yo with her for over 20 years when she goes off her meds. She was institutionalized a couple of years ago via a ward of the state action. But now her state facility (in Mandeville, LA) is being closed and they are trying to figure out where to place her. There are few other state facilities but hours drive away. It's not simple but that may be what they do. Apparently most states are cutting services, so you may not have alot of choices as to where. Good luck.
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