I am a newlywed and my elderly Mom lives with us. After my first marriage I moved in with my mom. Recently I have started to feel that I am the parent and she is the child, why can’t my mom go back to the way it was before?

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died 10 years ago. Mom and I have always been very close and still are but I have suddenly been made to feel that I am the parent and she is the child..We moved 125 miles away from our home to live with my fiance at the time and he and I have just gotten married..Mom loves him dearly and he is so good to her in so many ways but she is now, not wanting to take her daily pills, wants or needs us to BEG her to go places with us..I am having a very hard time keeping my cool with her. Mom should be the way she was 10 years ago and its just not going to happen, and its really hard for me...Please help me ...

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Dear CinHun, congratulations on your new marriage! And God bless you for taking care of your mom. Sounds like an emotional adjustment in the midst of many changes for all. Time may help smooth things out as you discover the cause of the struggles and work things out together (with your husband). Each person has needs, and prayer helps. Wives and daughters want to please, and sacrifice. What does your husband say? Let him lead, and you can rest in his loving guidance.
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Hi CinHun,

I feel for you. It is not always easy to adapt emotionally when your mom is aging and seems to be changing. I assume that you mean at least in part, more independant, less needy.

You are very fortunate that you have had a good relationship with her, and now, have a new husband who also cares for her. One thing about relationships and families that is certain, they continue to grow, and change and we adapt to our partners, our kids, our parents, our extended families and blended friends or the alternative is that we can fall into being unhappy with inevidable changes.

There is hope, our parents don't get older in a vacumn, we change, and grow and get older too right along side them - and hopefully wiser in the process.

If your mom is less independant and more needy at a time that you wish she wasn't, the wishing won't change anything but it will affect your mood & way of relatiingm not only to her, but everyone. The dynamic in your home has changed, you have changed, and so is your mom. Try gentlely to keep a balance between your mom's missing the old you, especially as she ages and the newly married you. Remembering nd keeping in perspective that good relationship issues like forgetting pills and wanting to be included shouldn't sour your family life.

I have taken care of my mom for 7 years now - what I have learned and relearned is that the same lessons we learned as early about relationships, still hold true. Cherish the old while keeping the new. Keep smiling, don't let yourself fall into the trap of anger or resentment and you will have everyone around you smiling too. Not always easy, but ultimately negative thoughts and self-talk can become a vicicious circle. Look on the bright side. If its mostly good, you can always find solutions.

Take care
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Hi CinHun,

I feel for you. It is not always easy to adapt emotionally when your mom is aging and seems to be changing. I assume that you mean at least in part, more independant, less needy.

You are very fortunate that you have had a good relationship with her, and now, have a new husband who also cares for her. One thing about relationships and families that is certain, they continue to grow, and change and we adapt to our partners, our kids, our parents, our extended families and blended friends or the alternative is that we can fall into being unhappy with inevidable changes.

There is hope, our parents don't get older in a vacumn, we change, and grow and get older too right along side them - and hopefully wiser in the process.

If your mom is less independant and more needy at a time that you wish she wasn't, the wishing won't change anything but it will affect your mood & way of relatiingm not only to her, but everyone. The dynamic in your home has changed, you have changed, and so is your mom. Try gentlely to keep a balance between your mom's missing the old you, especially as she ages and the newly married you. Remembering nd keeping in perspective that good relationship issues like forgetting pills and wanting to be included shouldn't sour your family life.

I have taken care of my mom for 7 years now - what I have learned and relearned is that the same lessons we learned as early about relationships, still hold true. Cherish the old while keeping the new. Keep smiling, don't let yourself fall into the trap of anger or resentment and you will have everyone around you smiling too. Not always easy, but ultimately negative thoughts and self-talk can become a vicicious circle. Look on the bright side. If its mostly good, you can always find solutions.

Take care
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Hi CinHun, is your mom able to live on her own, or would she consider assisted living? I just placed my dad 1 1/2 months ago, and he goes more places with the group, and is more active, and social than when he lived with me. Good luck to you, we are here for you.
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