I cannot control the anger I feel when I Mom ( has Dimentia) is so damn mean to me and negative about everything. Last night, she spit on me, wished me dead and really hit a soft spot for me. I lost it with her. I grabbed her in her back and pinched her. She screamed bloddy murder for a few minutes. I called my Brother to come over and get her out of my home. He did come by and was able to calm her down. She hates me and I do not know how to handle it.
When she got up this mornng, I was sitting on holdong my head in my hands looking down on the ground. She came over to me, held my face in her hands, told me not to worry, She said, you will get another job, it will all be OK. I started to cry and told her I love her so damn much and. I just want to help you. She said, Honey, do not worry about me, I am just an old lady. I hugged her and she was the loving Mother I have always known. It is not being laid off that has me so darn on teh edge. It is my lack of control over my emotions when she gets so nasty and mean. Hoping today the Dr get her on meds to help her. All she wants to do is go home. I cannot take her home , at least not yet.
How does one keep control. I hate this disease adn I forget sometimes it is a disease and she cannot help herself. How does one not take it so darn personal? I feel like the worst child in the world. I feel something has to be wrong with me that I could not control myself. I cannot stop crying and I do not sleep. I am lost and just want to hide out.