Do you feel guilty about placing family member in Assisted Living or Nursing Home?

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Placed my step mom in AL 6 months ago, she still doesn't believe that she is living there, she doesn't understand why she is there, she has dementia, probably mid-stage. I have been told that she cannot live alone, she told me she feels like she is in prison, I feel guilty about it but don't know what to do about it. I hate visiting because she is crying and telling me that she wants to go "home", meanwhile I have cleaned out house and getting ready to sell it.

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I feel guilty just thinking about it, but sometimes it is the best decision. I have had my mom for 3 1/2 years but now I have found a gread ALF and am in the process of getting her use to the idea. It is going to be very hard. But it has to be. Providing 24/7 care is not healthy for either of us. Give yourself a break. Just the fact that you are concerned shows that you care about the best of your stepmom that is more than a lot of elderly. Visit, call, show that you care. But remember you are not responsible for someone's illness. Aging will get us all one day and we need to take care of ourselves until we get there.
Deb said it very well. You have not done anything legally or morally wrong, so there is no need for guilt. Of course, you have empathy for your step-mother, and that is why you feel for her. You have acted responsibly for her in regard to handling her house deal. You will visit her with a smile on your face and ignore her manipulations--even though, through them, it is the only power she has left! Right? The ego is the first to develop and the last to leave! I say, "Good Job, Sondra!"
Sigh. I am not over my guilt of selling the house, and Mom is not over thinking that if she can just get some rehab she can go be on her own again. There is no way though. She needs help with all mobility, is incontinent, and gets delirium with infections plus sundowns real bad. And she has already had strokes, heart attacks, can't do her insulin shots or remember pills, etc. She does know she's not going back to her old house, that another family lives in it now and is taking care of it "for us" so she does not have to worry...I just have to keep telling myself that it was the right thing to have done, and it is still hard.
I don't think other people really understand unless they've been through this, so good to hear from others in same situation.

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