How can I get through feeling alone in caring for my aging parents?

Though I don't know your caregiver circumstances, your feelings are normal, as is the exhaustion you say you are experiencing. Caregiving is hard work and if you are a primary or sole caregiver to a family member or anyone else, for that matter, you're it. Though it is hard on caregivers when family members don't step up to the plate, odd as it may sound, I understand their side, too. Some individuals just can't begin to go down the path of further complicating their lives. Hope you keep posting and sharing on this website. There are many, many people who post and share here who will fully understand your frustration. Caregiving can be a lonely journey...and trip. Also, don't be afraid to seek medical advice for yourself, or a local support network if you are up to joining one. It may not change anything, but you just may start to realize that you are so not alone. Don't think too much, ok? Sometimes one needs a breather. Sounds like you need one right about now. AgingCare.com is a top-flight breather with fine caregivers who post regularly because we enjoy community and support in our respective journey. Take care of yourself, too. Glad you posted!

Yvonne, I feel for you. Ditto to all that caregiverslight said. I don't know what your faith background is, but I can tell you that when I've felt "desperate" and about to "break", I have prayed to God and He has come through EVERY TIME for me. On one occasion, He arranged circumstances that week so that my parents went into crisis and then had to agree to move out of their home into a senior community. ( The issue was forced upon them divinely, I believe.) On another occasion, God planted "angels" ( in human form) in my path to assist me---It was unbelievable and felt supernatural, the way these angels just showed up ---boom---in my path, when I was at my weakest, most depleted point. ( In two cases, the angels called my name from behind me. I turned and there she was. It felt like a weird coincidence that it happened this way twice.) I honestly don't think I could have managed my parents' care without these angels. God loves you and He will help you. My best to you.

You have to decide how long you can be the caregiver. Some caregivers try but they 'don't have what it takes. I did it for 3 years and that was all I could do. I didn't have what it takes. It took its toll on me and before I could let it finish me off, I had to turn the care over to others. Call your social services when you get to this point. Tell them you need to have the person you are caring for placed in a facility equiped for this type caregiving. These caregivers can go home after 8 hours.

Pidkuy, you mentioned that your mom doesn't have the money to afford a nice assisted living. If she qualifies for Medicaid, she can go to an assisted living, family care home or a resthome. They have activities, some of which she may can participate in. She would be with others 24/7 who look out for her care as well as others her age. You and your hubby can get your lives back and be able to be a couple once again. You & hubby need some time alone. You then would not have to pay someone to come in while you work. Also I hope you are not paying for the person to come in out of your pocket. Social Services can provide nurse's aids to come to your house while you work and stay with your Mom. My aunt has one staying with her now. Comes at 8 - leaves at 4. Medicaid pays for it as my aunt can't afford it on just SS.

Hello. I'm so sorry your at this miserable point of your caregiving journey. I was where you are now a year ago. I care for my 86 yrs old mother with Alzheimer's 24/7 with little to no help from my sisters.

I started to loose my self and was having depression issues of uncontrollable crying fits. I was tire, frustrated, angry, and exhausted. I wanted my caregiving life to stop, and have some else do the duty of being nurse, physical therapist, bather, dresser, chef, chauffeur (dr's appt), and bathroom attendant, etc...
This is a great site to find compassion and support. It helped me get through my darkest days. I found resources I never thought of.
1) Senior Day care- place where nurses and facilitator's work with senior to enhance their lives for a period of time during the day, with activities, social interaction, meals and safe environment. A caregiver can get time for themselves to refuel and rest.
2) Advice and law,social serves, and references.
3) Emotional Therapy-vent and gain loving words and support. Receive hugs from friends.

I'm at the next stage in caregiving. I can handle and take thing in stride. I still have still have emotional breakdowns once in a while, but not as much as before. Remember your never alone.
Someone said to me was, "you are an angel... don't every forget what you have done for your mom." There are angels everywhere! You just need to see the "angels" around you, waiting to be called for duty.
-God /send prayers-he'll answer
-Senior Day Care- low cost and gives you some rest
-Church /neighbors
-Friends
-AgingCare site-support/friendship/great advice
-Support group
-In home care help-hire an agency to help with companionship, light house keeping, meals, transportation to doctor's appointments, bathing, dressing, respite care (time for you to rest)
Other things to help:
-find a hobby or get back your passion. Don't have time- make time, make an appointment with yourself (will do wonders for your energy reserve)
-exercise- it's a great stress reliever. Just go out walk the block, punch a pillow, try Wii
-go out and just breathe and sit with nature surrounding you.

Best wishes to you, sending hugs.

Darling Yvonne seek help from the professionals(social services). If you feel this bad please, please seek help. Last week I could have done something very silly but instead spoke to a social worker. The help and advice and other factors helpped me make the dissision to put dad in a home. Looking foreward. Get help and get a life.

I agree with everyone here. I cry, pray , cry and pray more . Almost everyday. If I am lucky I get out of the house one day a week. I can more but have to ask and I really hate to ask but I have and will when the need arises. Don't wait till it is to late or you do something crazy. Ask for help and take it. Our you will go crazy.

GOd love you. I think we have all been there on and off. There are so many emotions that come with taking care of a parent. In some ways it is harder emotionally than taking care of your kids. I felt exactly like you did and I was so depressed I went and talked to a counselor. None of my friends understood because they were all busy driving kids to soccer and baseball and had no parents yet living with them. I found my self in tears and angry all the time. Speaking to someone outside can give you a different perspective as well as support. I also support one of the above postings. God sends angels to us. So keep your eyes open and let people help when they offer. Sometimes it can be a subtle indication that he is there and loves you. Also look into over the counter drug supplements that might give you a boost or support you through this transisition. ( SAM-e or St Johns Wort etc..) At least you are speaking out that you are struggling, now you just have to take some different action.
Best of luck. It wont always be like this.

You must do something before it affects your marriage. Husbands can only take so much and so can you. It is usually best not to move them in with you to start with, BUT a lot of us do it. Then the time comes when you must think about 'the rest of your life' and you must decide that someone else needs to be the caregiver. Call social services and ask about placement for your mom. It doesn't get better. My mom is a smoker too and created lots of problems as the months and months went by. We are not smokers.

Yvonne, I know exactly how you feel. Although you don't mention how long you have been caregiver, I have the feeling it's been too long for you. It also happen to me. I was taking care of my mom (93) for 5 years. She is quite helpless, can't walk or get to the toilet. So she is in diapers. People like to call them adult briefs, but I call it like I see it "diapers". It really broke my heart to find I had to feed, bathe, change her diapers just like an infant. It was getting me physically sick, which wasn't doing anyone any good. So she's now in a nursing home, getting the care she needs. She doesn't like it, and at time refuses to eat, and she just wants to die at times. The people their know how to handle her and are very patient w/her. I was finding myself losing my temper and just not getting anywheres with her. I now have my life back, just as she had hers when she was my age. I feel for her but I needed my life back, and that's that. Hope this helps......:)